I Had A Dream...

I wish I could tell you my dreams were as life-changing as Dr. Martin Luther King's. Sadly, my dreams (at least the ones I remember) are often the stuff crackheads must see in their waking (and high) moments.


Remember those American Gladiators?

Yeah. Those muscle-y, breast-y, big (mullet) haired, greasy gladiators. They "battled" one another in some pretty physical challenges. Well, those types of challenges were in my dreams, but it was not those pretty people doing them. Look, they were pretty in their time. They might be pretty now, I don't know. Where are they? What are their names?


My contestants were commercial stars. One round involved these two ladies.

That's the Roomstore lady and the Progressive lady. They were competing in one of those events where they stand over water and hit each other with foam-covered sticks until one falls off. That round went to the Progressive lady. Are you surprised? She makes a mean pitch for insurance (and aren't there enough cheap furniture stores?)!

The next round was just plain strange. It involved a rope ladder climb. Oh, and the contestants, also commercial pitchers:

This might surprise you, but that little gecko can climb really fast! The whole time he was taunting the Aflac duck with phrases like "You might be bigger than me, but you're clumsy. You're loud and lowsy - not a good combination." All that duck could say was "AFLAC!!!" The duck was defeated. The gecko just looked down at him with his big eyes, little green arms folded in front of his chest.


I don't remember ever watching a full episode of "Gladiators." I have no idea why I had this dream. Strange. But I did wake up relieved that the gecko won. My heart was even racing a bit. I might need medication. Or a vacation.

World Cup Fever?

Truth: I don't understand soccer.


It's not because I don't want to. It's just that whenever I've watched it, I feel like there should be more scoring. It's like human Foosball - without the ball going in the little goal thingy.


When I do watch, I like the end - when the guys take off their shirts.

Yes. I said it. Every sexist word. I said it.


So, I think it's interesting when people drop everything or roll out of bed at sunrise to watch soccer. And by interesting, I mean, "What's wrong with you people?" It's not like if you miss a goal they won't reshow it again and again! Seriously, it could be the only scoring the entire game - they'll want you to see that!


Still, I'm looking for my World Cup spirit. It has to be in me, right? Like, YAY, AMERICA! But that silly Vuvuzela hasn't helped.

Even without that, I haven't given up on myself. I made this in hopes of getting into it. What do you think?

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Summer STILL Isn't Here?

So, the calendar says Summer doesn't start for a few more days. Tell that to the weather!

Saturday afternoon. 90º and super humid. Might as well be summer. While I hate the heat (and my hair REALLY hates the humidity), there are a few things I like about summer.

When it gets hot and I take my dog out, he gets especially hot - after all, he is about two inches from the ground. This is when I give my dog his favorite treat: Frosty Paws.

He will push that cup of what he thinks is ice cream around the house. He will pick it up with this teeth and carry it around from room to room - mainly because the cat is curious and he's trying to keep him from getting his furry paws on it. Once he has licked that little cup clean, he immediately takes a nap. Maybe he has brain freeze? Can dogs get that? Seeing how happy he is with that treat makes me happy. And it makes me want something cold, too.

Little known fact about me: I would be barefoot if it wasn't so hot my feet would melt into the sidewalk or I'd get some disease from the nasties just waiting to jump onto my feet. So, to protect my feet, I wear shoes (duh). One of my summer favorites are flip flops. It's as close to not wearing shoes as you can get. Yes, I'm well aware they can be bad for your feet and ankles. However, I'm not willing to give them up. You're looking at some of the most comfortable flip flops ever: Havaianas. If you haven't had the pleasure of wearing them, you're missing out. Super comfortable and light! (BTW - That super green grass is my backyard! I might have a little victory in my own yard!)

Last summer, we suffered through a horrible drought. Thirty-something days with temperatures over 100 - and most days didn't even have a cloud in the sky, let alone a single sprinkle. It was hot, y'all! I have one tree - a crepe myrtle in my front yard. While those trees are really heat tolerant (and apparently can go without water for months), I was a little sad for my tree last year. It hardly flowered. Its limbs seemed to say, "I give up" with each passing day. But now, with rain on a regular basis, look at what greets me in my front yard every day:

Beautiful pink flowers blooming on every branch! There are more flowers each day. It really makes me happy to see that every morning when I walk outside. It's like the tree is celebrating the end of the drought! There is one downside to the crepe myrtle:

Those little pink flowers don't have much of a grip on the tree. The slightest breeze knocks them off the branch and they wind up in the grass. I spotted them four houses away on a walk this afternoon! It's almost like pink snow. Pretty, until I track in little flowers and find them on my carpet. They even get caught in my curls! Despite all that, I still love them.

I am sure it won't be long before I'm complaining about the heat. Just because I've spent most of my life in South Texas, that doesn't mean I will EVER get used to the heat - or even like it. You should not break into a sweat walking outside at night. You should not feel like you're in the early stages of heat stroke just walking outside to pick up the newspaper in the morning. That's just not right. But I take comfort in the little things that make me glad it's summer - and wish for fall to hurry up and get here so I can get a break from the heat!

Week In Pop Culture

Note: I had a really great blog post for you, but my laptop disagree and threw most of it out. Hope you like the new design while you read what I was able to salvage!




World Cup-Mania starts today! Get a look at how Fergie & Shakira shook the crowd.

Rihanna has a great body. I don't understand why airbrushers must try to make her go from sick to unbelievable - and not in a good way.

Because no one is paying her, Courtney Love is posting her own naked pictures.

The Hoff will be the next one roasted on Comedy Central.

So, Lindsay Lohan would consider "Celebrity Apprentice" but NOT "Celebrity Rehab?" Hello, Vegas! Can I wager on Lindsay not living to see 30?

Apparently, Anita Baker was not so fabulous while performing at the NBA Finals.


It's sad that Gary Coleman had to spell out what he wanted at his funeral - like he knew people would take advantage of him even in his death.

It's a little harder to do the Walk of Shame when you're being followed by paparazzi. But it might be OK to blame them for your car crash.

Lady GaGa really brings a whole new meaning to the term "seventh inning stretch."

Here's one of many uncomfortable moments from the MTV Movie Awards.

And if you can't get enough of that Tom Cruise character, you might get a lot more of that.

I'm Totally Stressed Out!

People Magazine is asking which single will be the song of the summer. And I just can't decide which one I love most from this list. So, how about a little help?

Katy Perry w/Snoop Dogg - "California Gurls"


Ke$ha - "Your Love Is My Drug"

Ke$ha - New Music - More Music Videos

Lady GaGa - "Alejandro"

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

Black Eye Peas - "Rock That Body"


Jay-Z - "Young Forever"


I'm pretty sure I don't love that Ke$ha song (not just because she's spelling her name with a dollar sign). Also, I have no love for Black Eyed Peas.

Maybe Mom Is Right

I had pretty much forgotten about Cabbage Patch Kids until my mom recently came across the one I had as a little girl. If you didn't have one, let me give you a little history.

They came about in the late '70s and became really popular in the '80s. They were so popular, parents camped out in stores just to get them. The dolls came with adoption certificates and this little back story:

I vaguely remember getting mine. It was stuffed in my closet long ago. I do remember being happy to get this little doll.

Yes, yes. My curls are a bit fro-ish. But that was WAY before good hair products were invented, so suck it. There I am with the my doll. I think her name was Melinda. My mom swears that doll looks just like me.

The photo does not show her little freckles (just like the ones I have). If she had curly hair, I guess I would see more of a resemblance.

I am REALLY glad I don't have her in my house. I'd be afraid she'd come to life (like "Chucky") and terrorize me. I don't like things with eyes in a room while I'm sleeping. It's like they're staring me down - willing me to fall asleep so they can haunt me in my dreams. 

Come on!

That things is SCARY!

That movie did to dolls what "Jaws" did to the ocean: terrify me!

So, this time, I'm really hoping my mom holds onto that doll. I don't want her to wind up in my house. I like to sleep. And it's not the '80s any more. I don't need or want a doll. If I want to cuddle something, I'll hold my dog or cat.

While they may wake me up in the middle of the night, it's never that scary. Not even when I wake to see the cat looking at me.

My Dog is ANGRY

For the last few weeks, flies have invaded my back yard. Every time I open the door, at least one flies in. Usually, the cat will grab it. These suckers are big and slow, so even I can catch them. But poor little Charley has had enough. He snaps. He growls. He barks. I don't know if he's caught them, but the have certainly kept him busy!

Week In Pop Culture

Because Tom Selleck & The Gutte need work, there might be a "Three Men & A Bride."

Miley Cyrus continues showing she is a good example for her young fans.

I thought cocaine made you skinny! Leave it to Whitney Houston to prove me wrong (allegedly).

Sheryl Crow now has a second son.

Sean Penn continues his effort to get punched in the face by yours truly. Seriously. Can this guy be MORE of a jerk? I like him better when he's in the movies, not running his insensitive mouth.

Ladies, guess who's on the market: Zach Morris!

The Queen (not Lady GaGa) had a bad day.

There could be a "Friends" reunion.

I'm not sure who this girl is, but she likes bikinis.

Friends, if you were going to try Lindsay Lohan's self-tanner, you might want to check this out.

If you want to look like Cameron Diaz, this is all you have to do.

My favorite "Glee" character is now married.

That's SIR Patrick Stewart.

George Clooney's girlfriend is mean. I like that. Maybe it was an accident?

Charlie Sheen (not my favorite Sheen) is getting ready to do time.

Shocked that Al & Tipper Gore are separating. Now that the news is out there, I'd like to NOT see that awkward convention kiss. It's creepy. We should have all known then that marriage had a problem.

I hope when Heidi Montag says she needs to "concentrate on myself," she does not mean more plastic surgery. Any more work and she'll turn into Barbie - non-bendable parts and all! Wait. This makes me think it's too late! This is the most believable part of the story.

Tara Reid is braving bikinis again. Only a matter of time before a nip slip for attention! PS - Why is her head so big?

Belinda Carlisle has written a book about her Go-Go-licious days. I've seen it all in a "Behind The Music."

This proves Jessica Simpson is either smart or has standards. You decide.

Add Celine Dion to the list of celebrities who are preggers.

RIP Dennis Hopper & Rue McClanahan. :(

American Idol? Doubtful.

So this guy, Lee DeWyze, won "American Idol." It was news to me. You see, I quit watching the show after last year. I still found the show entertaining. I just realized that of all the years I spent watching this show and rooting for contestants, I rarely loved them enough to spend my hard-earned cash on their music. There are a few exceptions.

Kelly Clarkson had me from the moment I first heard her sing. I remember being at work and seeing her win the show. She was so emotional when she sang at the end, it was hard not to love her. And, like some girl who is considerably younger than myself, I buy her CDs every time.

Oh, Ruben! You and Clay were fun to watch! There was no outrage when you won. You are a good singer. So is Clay. I have never downloaded one single - and wouldn't even if it were free.

Fantasia had some great moments on the show. I thought this girl could be the next Mary J. Blige! Boy, was I wrong. She's the next washed up reality show star to get a reality show that does not involve Dr. Drew. Sad. 

Carrie Underwood. I liked her. Didn't love her - until she sang Heart's "Alone." Then, I was all, "This girl can SING!" I have liked some of her ballads. I have to be in the right mood for country music. 

Taylor was fun to watch. He reminded me a bit of my dad after he's had a few drinks and starts singing a bit too loud (side note: my dad does a MEAN Joe Cocker - always gets the giggles!). But Daughtry was UH-MAZE-EEEEENG! When he got booted, it was probably the best thing for him. I haven't bought his music, but I have liked it. Taylor? Never bought one of his songs. Wonder where he is now?

Young Jordin. She was darling. She could sing. I also liked runner-up Blake. I didn't care who won because I liked them both. Still, you won't find them on my iPod.

Ahh... the battle of The Davids. This one, and his comb-over, was good. The young David, well, he could sing, too. There's just something about loving a kid who is young enough to be your kid that bothered me. So, I kind of didn't care who won. By this time, I was realizing it didn't matter much to me. This show also had super hot Michael Johns. Sadly, none of them are in my music library.

Kris. He was good in a sweet guy with a guitar kind of way. Adam was so over-the-top, I would flip back and forth between, "I love him!" and "Enough already!" I could not name one song on their albums. 

And that's when I quit "Idol." I took me eight years to realize that while these top ten contestants are almost always great singers, I really only liked them as cover artists. When they release their own stuff, it just doesn't connect with me. So will this Lee DeWyze guy go on to be a big star? I don't know. I don't care. 

Yet.

I don't think I'll go back to "Idol" with Simon gone. I love his honesty. I never disagreed with the comments he made to the contestants - especially in the tryouts. That's when I saw a horrible parenting trend. If your kid is not a great singer, dancer - or whatever interest he/she has, it's kind of mean to encourage them to try out for something (especially if it is recorded and will be broadcast on television). Encourage them to keep at it, but don't let your kids embarrass themselves. Too many parents did that on this show. Tell your kids the truth before they decide they're going to skip college and pursue a career that will never pay them enough to pay rent (because that's when they turn to porn - so I've heard). If you can't do it, find a Simon and let him do it. I don't do much, so call me and I'll do it. I'm not afraid to tell people the truth. I try to do it in a way that I don't make people cry, though I make no promises. 

I think even Simon could respect that.