Open Letter To TV Land

I love my TV. I love my DVR. This week, as the new fall season gets under way, I have to make choices. The networks often help me by cutting a show in a matter of weeks (sometimes, just one). So, I have developed a formula to determine what new shows make the cut.

1. Thinking All Ladies Want The Same Show

Those are the stars of 2 Broke Girls. This show has so many things thrown into the promos, it absolutely kills me. First of all, telling me the brains behind Sex and The City is no longer a good thing. It's not that I didn't love the show, it's that I absolutely hated the movie. So, when people talk about SATC, all I can think about is the movies and their unfunny puns and ladies who refuse to just age gracefully.

Second, this also tries to add in a side of Friends - street-smart gal and spoiled rich girl living together and finding their way. Here's the thing about Friends: with the exception of the Thanksgiving episodes, I don't find the reruns funny. In fact, if it's late at night and I find that on TV, I watch it because it won't keep me in stitches. It puts me to sleep.

Third, this is created by Whitney Cummings. I have enjoyed her on those Comedy Central Roasts. I have not enjoyed the clips of her own show, Whitney. Sometimes, funny people don't work well on TV. If she can't get the show with her name in the title right, how can I trust her to make sure this other show works?

2. Thinking We're All Nostalgic

I LOVE Mad Men. Since it won't be back on until next year (boo!), I do want a little sixties in my life. It appears Pan Am may get it right. Subtle sexism, lovely costumes, cocktails on airplanes - oh, how I wish I could time travel!

Where does it go wrong?

The Playboy Club - where they put sexism's bunny tail right in your face. The not-quite-skimpy (by today's standards) costumes might appeal to the fellas, but the novelty will wear off - like how quickly a centerfold is forgotten. Wait. They are forgotten when the next magazine comes in, right? Anywho, the clips of this make it look cheap and light on the story lines. Plus, I don't like the idea that Hugh Hefner put the swing in the sixties. Because he hasn't changed. And that's creepy.

3. Thinking We Love A Remake

I am just old enough to kind of remember Charlie's Angels before it was turned into a movie. Now, I tolerated the movie because I think Drew Barrymore is super cute. But here's where a reboot goes wrong: taking the title of an old series, but putting in new characters in the same gig (and the same boss). I'll take a reboot, like Dallas.

Why? Because it brings back the original characters in a new generation. I won't think twice about watching this next summer (the perfect time for a show like this when I spend my days watching reruns of reality TV on Bravo). I don't know how this can go wrong, unless they show JR fumbling his way through Twitter on his iPhone. Note to Dallas show runners: PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.


4. Thinking We Miss All Things LOST
OK. I do. A little. But this just confuses and scares me.

Why are Benjamin Linus and Jesus fighting crime? Oh. They're not actually Benjamin Linus and Jesus? I don't believe you. I don't believe they're not on an island trying to avoid a crowd trying to nail one of them to a cross.

That show's real name is Person of Interest and its executive producer also ran LOST - J.J. Abrams. I cannot jump on board here. Instead of remembering that fantastic first episode of LOST, I remember the mediocre episodes that followed in other seasons. Can't do this.

LOST's "lost" seasons - where the castaways seemed to flashback with no forward motion (and nearly made me stop watching) - has made me realize EVERY series needs and end date. Otherwise, I tune in week after week and wonder where it's going like it's some sad relationship and I hear my baby clock ticking. I have felt that way with How I Met Your Mother. I am hopeful that now that the show has its end date (2013), we'll get down to the business of the show title and it will lead to a Barney spin-off. Why? Because the world NEEDS Barney Stinson.

You see, my DVR isn't exactly barren. I have plenty of beloved shows that don't (usually) disappoint. So for a new show to get me, it has to really get me. Here's what I'm adding this season:

• Up All Night
• Suburgatory
• Revenge
• American Horror Story

Anything else will have to start getting the kind of press that convinces me the show will be around for more than a few weeks. I hate not know what happens to a show in which I invested my sofa time!

I don't know if any of the powers that get these shows on air will read this, but if they do, I hope they take notes. I can't take another bad show.

One More LOST-Related Note

I was watching Kimmel's "Aloha To LOST" online this morning (if you haven't seen it, you should and can do it right here).

While I was listening to every word that was being said - that Jimmy has some good ideas about where the show was going - I kept staring at the screen every time Jimmy was on. Look, I don't think he's handsome, so that's not it. I kept seeing this woman in a Hawaiian shirt and lei peeking over his shoulder.

Who was she? Why was she there? And why did she look a lot like Marion Ross?

Why I Will Always Love LOST

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE FINALE. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE SHOW AND THE ENDING, SO DON'T SEND ME HATE MAIL IF I RUIN IT FOR YOU. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED, SUCKA.

I'm not going to break out into "I Will Always Love You" because 1) I am a horrible singer and 2) my cat and dog would probably seek revenge by killing me in my sleep. But, I seriously love LOST. And I always will.

I am a loyal TV watcher. Once I decide to watch a show, I very rarely quit it. I have this thing where I have to find out how it ends. It's kind of a sickness. If I quit a show, I will wonder what happened to the characters, but not usually enough to watch the episodes I missed to see what happened. I'll just ask someone who watches it. Or watch the finale on line.

With LOST, I was captivated by the very first, two hour episode. I never thought it was possible to survive a plane crash on an island. Did you see it? That plane tore apart in the air and managed to land on the tiniest sliver of land - and people managed to walk away? WHAT? HOW? At the end, with Charley saying, "Where are we?" I found myself asking the same question! I decided right then, I had to know where they were and if they would get back home - and after learning about the characters I wondered if they want to go home?

Season two, brought Benjamin Linus, who used the alias Henry Gale to get to the Oceanic survivors. Not one scene with him made me comfortable. And that was the beauty of that season.

But, even in those tough seasons (I'm looking particularly hard at you number three) where I thought LOST was, well, lost, I refused to give up. The little clues dropped each week HAD to mean something. Right? RIGHT? Who would just put numbers out there, making us memorize them and look for them in nearly every scene unless they meant something?

I hung in there even during the times I wasn't sure even the writers knew where the story was going. Then, when it was announced the show would end in 2010, I thought, "YAY! Now they'll bring it to a conclusion! Every episode will answer questions and lead up to the big ending!" I wasn't just hooked. If I was a fish, I would have jumped right into the boat and said, "Put me in the cooler! I'm going home with you!" Wait. Does that make me seem like a hooker? Because I'm not. Except with TV. 

Then came season 4. They finally got off the island - well six of them anyway. Why just six? And how could they keep such a secret forever?

I knew season 5 would take me on a crazy ride. FINALLY seeing Jacob and his connection to these people was mind-blowing. Not only did he cross their paths, he touched them. They had a reason to be on that plane and on that island. Season 6 was sure to explain that.

And it did. Mostly.

Sure, there are plenty of questions left. Why wasn't Ana Lucia "ready?" Where was Walt? What happened to Ecko? But this was the first time in a LONG time (and, friends, I watch a lot of TV so I think I'm qualified to say this) that I felt like I had closure. I was crying with every flashback - every moment these characters realized they were connected in a different time. About 45 minutes into the show, I was willing them all to connect! And while watching the happenings on the island, I was telling myself none of that mattered because they would all be together again. As each character made a connection, I felt relief. They did belong together. OK, so they were dead. And it took Jack's dad to explain that? I loved that any pain they had in life was resolved in their afterlife. Not just for the father and son, but for these characters. Any wrongs they had made before their time on the island had been made right. They were all on a level playing field. Happy. Content. Peaceful.

I'm not saying I want to die by crashing into an island. But if that is my fate, as long as there are people like those in this cast, this Oceanic bunch, I'll be OK. I'll be cranky because the humidity will not make my curls any where near as nice as Kate's (think more crazy Claire). Oh, and I hate being dirty, so that sand would really annoy me. And I don't love fish, so I guess I'd go vegan (unless there's a stash of Dharma candy somewhere, then that's mine and everyone else should just back off). And I am telling you, if people start shooting arrows at me, I will be beyond angry. But if I remember LOST, then I'll know that it will all work out. Just like it did for them.

So, thank you, LOST. I knew I'd always have questions after the very last show and I hope they're never answered. I'm happy with the two and a half hours you gave me. And I'll just assume that everyone winds up happy whenever it's their time to face the music.

Oh, LOST, Why Do You Taunt Me???

Happy Summer Vacation, TV Shows!

So, apparently you readers don't like reality TV! Two shows tied, and one came in a close third in my poll, which asked what shows you'd miss over the summer.

First up, Lost - which hasn't left us (yet). The two-hour finale is this week. The season was abbreviated by the writers strike, making it a little harder to wait until the season resumes next year (sob). I'm dying to find out why only six of them made it off the island! Did they choose to stay? Are they still alive? And why is Jack still The Decider off the island?

Next up, The Office. Is it just me, or does every season of this show seem to be too short? I have my DVR set to record all episodes of this show, not just the new ones because I still like to get my fix of the fine folks at Dunder Mifflin. I laugh at every episode (some more than others). I'm not sure I want to see Pam and Jim get married, though they are cute together. Will the new HR girl continue to think Kevin is, um, special? And will Michael still flirt with her, or will he help Jan through her pregnancy? Will Andy's rage be unleashed when he finds out about Angela and Dwight hooking up? I have until fall to think of more questions!

The third place finisher in the poll was How I Met Your Mother. If you only learned about this show because of all the hype surrounding Britney Spears appearance, you have missed out. Neil Patrick Harris is - wait for it - awesome as Barney (Julie, I chose that picture just for you). Everyone else is good, too. They have such chemistry, like they're real friends hanging out and figuring out life. Is Ted meant to be with Stella? Are Barney and Robin soul mates? Will Lily and Marshall move into that crazy apartment with the slanted floors? I don't know. But I know they'll make me laugh every Monday!

If you haven't watched any of those shows before, go out and rent them - or borrow them from someone you know. I recommend you start with Season 1 (mandatory for Lost newbies). Then, work your way through the following seasons all summer long!

Thanks for voting in the poll! Look for another one soon!

TV Talk

Want to know what I thought of Lost or Dancing With The Stars? It's on the work blog. Julie's Bachelor recap is also there. Read all about 'em here.

You won't find better recaps anywhere else. Really.

LOST Talk

My "Lost" recap - loaded with questions - is up on the work blog. Click the link on the left.

LOST, April 24

My Lost recap is up on the work blog. Check it out! You'll find the link to your left.

OOH! One More TV Note!

If you like Dancing With The Stars, or even if you don't, you should check out my work blog. There's the link on the left hand side of the page. Julie's blogging about The Bachelor. I know it's brain candy, but I encourage you to take a look!

I also blog there about Lost - which returns this week (YAY!). It's going to be a challenge for me, as I'll be in the control room the last ten minutes of the show. I might have to make threats to the audio operator so they can just have the sound down so I don't have an ending ruined for me! Drats! Working late is wrecking my television watching experience!!!

Love Lost?

I'm not asking because I've lost love (or wonder if you have). I'm asking because Lost is one of my FAVORITE shows! If you're also a fan, click on the work blog link on this page. You'll see that I've posted some scoop on the show, and fun links to get ready for the last episodes of the year which start next week.