Do You Have Any Twos?

I don't know if this guy wants to play cards or is (in a bossy way) telling me what to do.

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Weatherman On Board?

I know it's a little hard to read this one, but it says:

LTNROD

I assume that stands for lightning rod.

It's either a weatherman behind the wheel or someone with terrible luck - but not so bad that he can't afford a sports car.

Lorde, Is That You?

I saw this












and thought of one thing.

Chip 3

This license plate seems to break a lot of stereotypes about people named Chip.

First of all, thanks to movies, I always assume they're a little bit like this:

Creepy.

Second, Chip hasn't been a popular name since the 1960s. CHIPS ARE PRACTICALLY EXTINCT! Either this guy is super rare or he's pretty old. It would surprise me if a really old guy felt the need to put his name on his truck's license plate.

Third, I think they're more of a sports car driver.

Catching this guy in his giant truck was a bit of a surprise. I mean, WHERE ARE THE TRUCK NUTS?!?!

I'd also like to see CHIP1 and CHIP2. Isn't that why he had to choose CHIP3?

Dan Rather?

I know Dan Rather has ties to Texas, so there's a chance this small SUV belongs to him.

I would be a little surprised if he'd put his name on his license plate. It doesn't seem like he'd want people honking their horns at him or shouting things about the scandal that ended his network career. OOOH! Or shouting, "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" at him! I think that might make him a little less cranky. I don't really know why I think Dan is an old crank. Maybe it's because he's now on some cable channel most people don't know exists (I'm pretty sure it's not listed among the hundreds of channels I get). If he really is cruising around with this license plate, I'm sad for him. So sad, I kind of want to give Dan a hug. Kind of.

I could be wrong.

In fact, the more I look at this, the more I think maybe it doesn't really say RATHER. Maybe it says RAT HER. Like, "I'm going to rat her out." Don't roll your eyes. It's a possibility.

So is the pronunciation. Maybe it's supposed to be read RATE HER. In that case, the guy driving this is a douchebag. You don't rate girls. That's rude and a sure way to not get ladies to ever want to spend time with you - even the 10s. They'll be worried that you will lower their rating and that will send them on a path of self-destruction (eating disorders, plastic surgery, dating more douchebags, etc.).

And just like that, I've gone from being excited about maybe seeing Dan Rather in the home improvement store (I did not) to wanting to punch the owner of this Kia.

Now In Your Kid's Classroom

At least I think this license plate belongs to a teacher. She may not be a good speller.

OR she's a fan of Cher.

El Doc

I saw this at the mall. I get that it takes a lot of work and money to become a doctor, but this seems unnecessary.

Unless this doctor really wants you to smash into him (and I'm pretty sure it belongs to a guy because I saw a dude in the store wearing scrubs - totally what a guy with this license plate would do), there's really no reason to do this.

Can you imagine what the roads would look like if everyone had their profession on their car's bumpers? It would make it easier to find, say, a dog walker or a landscaper. But do people who have REAL dirty jobs do this? Is there an abbreviation for sewer cleaner or people who do colonics? Never mind. I don't want to know.

I just hope if I run into El Doc again, it's when I'm feeling extra hypochondriac-y. He can't run from me! He put his doctorness out in the universe! He WANTS to help me people!

This Is Too Easy

If you look in the upper right hand corner of this blog, you'll see that I have spied a few too many personalized license plates. Sometimes I have help. This one was snapped by my eagle-eyed friend (and frequent contributor) Adam.

This is the perfect time for me to explain that if you have this license plate, you cannot EVER be angry when people judge you or call you crazy. YOU put this out there! I hope you have a matching tattoo on your forehead so that when you're not driving we all know you're around.

I spotted this one:

That's right. The license plate on that BMW says "MOOCH." I'm guessing this driver's friends probably know all about his/her cheap ways whenever they go out for a meal or drinks.

I also found one that is actually quite helpful:

That pink license plate says "CHK EM." As in, "Hey, ladies! Do your monthly breast exam!" It's possible I saw that instant reminder and did a quick exam while I waited for the light to turn green.

It's not just license plates that have gotten my attention lately. Rear window advertising is pretty hard to miss.

Not that I'm in the market for a tattoo, but if I was... No. That will never happen. But why would ANYONE get a tattoo from a place that has the words "DOO DOO" in the name? Doesn't that let you know that you're not getting quality ink? If these people actually are the best tattoo artists on the planet, they should really get a new name. This one stinks.

While I totally support freedom of speech, this seems like the most unusual thing to announce - especially on the side window of your SUV.

When I pulled up along that in a parking lot at my local home improvement store, I was so confused. I snapped that before I got out of my car. I thought maybe the driver is talking about the rims (those are sometimes called shoes - I think, I don't know, slang is hard to keep up with these days).

Nope. I'm pretty sure that from the rap music and reality shows I've seen, those are 20 somethings. I'm so confused. If I wasn't trying to get home to do yard work before the sun roasted me or it rains (which did not happen so you meteorologists are jerks for telling me rain was coming), I would have stuck around to see who drove that. Or not. I really don't like confronting strangers without provocation (even though I think that sticker would give me fair grounds to ask a question or two). I fear being shot by strangers, but not so much that I won't keep taking pictures and posting them when I see you people. Just try not to zoom past me on the highway. I don't want to die taking a picture.

SIDEBAR: Dear officers who may be reading this... I absolutely do not text and drive. My super smart iPhone is capable of jumping out of the holder in my car and snapping pictures on its own. There's an app for it. Look into it.

I Think I Know You

I really have to hand it to Adam. I gave him an assignment and he has come through. I hope he doesn't think I'm paying him for each of these (and if he does, my going rate is one penny per item). So, let's take a look at some of his recent personalized license plate sightings.

So, Melisa. I see you're a fan of Aggies and Cowboys - and the Jesus Fish! Also, now I know what  name to shout when you cut me off in traffic. Thanks for that!

I'm not sure if this is the Cadillac driver's last name or if they like Yorkie dogs.

I'm thinking this driver likes his fast car and calls it the "Texas Rocket." Or he's into racketeering - in which case, he should not advertise this as the Feds will be onto him in no time.

This one's confusing. Does this driver like Lake Amistad? Is he asking/stating "Am I a Stud?" If it's the second one, I'm gonna say no. Yukons are what parents drive to take their kids to and from soccer practice.

Oh, Infiniti driver! You're so cute! You're telling me your Jaguar-esque car ate a Jag? Is that why they look alike? Is it like when a really ambitious snake eats something huge and you can see the outline of its catch in the middle of its body? Neat!

ORNGE? Um, color blind driver, your Hummer is NOT orange. It's silverish. Not even a hint of orange. Also, your giant gas guzzler kind of makes me want to stab the spare tire.

That's all for now. You can see other personalized license plates here.

I See Your Car's Booty

It's not always the backside of the car that screams for attention. Sometimes, it's the front. Headlights is not the right word. Carboobs? I don't know. Anyway, these were recent finds (mostly by Adam, who is not at all afraid of being pulled over and accused of texting while driving).

I think this is the anti-vampire car. Or it belongs to a chef who attended the University of Texas. Or, maybe the car just stinks? I don't know. Strange.

Yes, we get it. You're driving a beast of a gas guzzler. Putting "BIGGA" on your license plate doesn't make you more threatening. It makes you douchier. So, yay, you!

This might be the first in my collection that actually has purpose. The plate says, "THE MINT." The car looks like a peppermint candy. And it says it's for "Candy 95.1." I guess that's a radio station - I don't know. I get annoyed with radio because they have a habit of playing a song to death. At least this one is a working plate - not someone's personal ride. Unless they won it, in which case they should consider a new paint job and head to the state licensing office to get a new plate.

I don't know what's "KNOTTY" in Kansas. I just Googled it - could be a rug company or a magic show. Lexus doesn't exactly scream "working vehicle" to me, so I'm gonna say the driver really wanted it to be "NAUGHTY" but either that's too long or Kansas is too conservative to allow that.

If this wasn't a Texas license plate, I would have totally run into it to see if Scott Caan was inside (Hawaii 5-O, yo!). Sadly, this was not a Hawaiian license plate (though I did spot one of those recently and wondered how it crossed the ocean). After looking at this for a minute, I'm thinking maybe "ALOHA V" is translated to "high five." If that's what this driver had in mind, I give you a loose high five, not one of those hard-hitting ones, because this is kind of lame.

Hmm. "4R LIFE" over the Longhorns logo. Is this person pledging eternal fandom to UT? And if so, is he stuck with this plate forever? I mean, I guess that's one way to point out that you're not a bandwagon fan.

I spotted this poopmobile recently. If you're going to make a living picking up poop from people's yards, that takes true commitment - like wrapping your truck with a slogan like "Your dog's biscuits are our bread and butter" (gross you very much). But the license plate, now that seals the deal. "POOO2." Are there a whole fleet of poopmobiles out there - or did a jokester take the original "POOO?" So many questions, so afraid to get close to the person driving this.

To see other personalized license plates documented on this blog, click here.

Do You Know These People?

My inbox has become full of photos recently. When I first started writing about personalized license plates, I had no idea there were so many. Now, it's become something I can't miss (and since mentioning it to my friend, Adam, he can't seem to stop spotting them). So, rather than hold onto them and share them one by one, I'm emptying my inbox and phone here.

When I first saw this license plate, I noticed the blue star (Cowboys fan?).

Then, I realized it was trying to tell me something:

GET 12

Get 12? What does that mean? Then, it hit me.

Get one, too.

Ugh. Lame. You want a world where everybody has a BMW? Or are you inviting a thief to swipe your car? Either way, I am not on board.

Yet another one of those fancy, individualized plates. But it also says something.

CUBS 1

Is this a misplaced Cubs fan (this is South Texas, not Chicago)? Or does the driver have a child on a little league team by that name?

Whatever the case, I think it's a good commitment to the team. This person is in it no matter what - push them around when the team is lousy, then give 'em a wave when the team is doing well. No fair-weather fan on board!

This, I love!

I like the little dog and cat on the left side of the license plate (why don't I have one of those?). I like that the plate says "4 PAWZ." Well, I don't like that paws is spelled with a "z." That's actually a peeve of mine. Perhaps "4 PAWS" was taken?


If you like animals so much that you're willing to put it on your license plate, do it! But maybe this driver should also have a "I Brake For Dogs" sticker - or something to that effect - on the bumper just so people know where he/she stands.

This one's a little harder to see.

FISHN

Now, this hardly looks like the kind of car that would have a rod and reel in the trunk. So I'm going to guess the driver is FISHN for something else.

• Stares
• Compliments
• Love
• Whistles
• Gas money

I have no idea what this one means.

CR LUV

The black background makes me think there was some thought put into this - it's not the typical plate.

But what's CR? And why does the driver LUV it/him/her?

Totally stumped. If you know what it means, please let me know.

I know this one is hard to see. If you can't squint to read it, here's what it says:

RED RKT

Is this a name for the red sporty car? Does this person like comic books? Is this driver computer savvy? Is this person into gross dog humor? Does he/she like beer? Is the driver a basketball fan? So many questions, but I don't know the driver so it's all a big mystery.

Oh, Joe.

That's what it says right next to the blue star.

JOE

That's cool and all until he goes to sell the car. Anyone not named Joe will have to buy new license plates. I wonder if that next owner will keep the tradition of naming the car after him/herself?

Here's another one that stumps me.

DA GMEN

Now, I'm pretty sure that if this belonged to the FBI, they would have government plates and not exactly advertise the agency (would make undercover work hard). 

So, I'll guess that the people who ride in this car have a last name starting with "G."

And here's the last one in my inbox:

HOOKEM

Now, judging by that and the little longhorn to the upper left of the license plate, I'm going to say this driver likes the University of Texas (not hookers, though I'm not judging that).

I feel so much better now that I have emptied my inbox and phone of all those license plate photos! If you want to interpret some of the other license plates I've featured, click here.

Showing Some Car Pride

I have seen these commercials and quickly dismissed them.

Don't ALL cars go "zoom" if you put a little pressure on the gas pedal? I guess that's not good enough for some. Take a look at what this driver has done:

I spotted this one on my way to work recently. Can you see why I rolled my eyes, then snapped a picture?

Mazda lovers aren't the only one showing their pride in their cars. Take a look at what my friend Adam spotted.

After you're done punching someone in the arm because you saw this first, take a closer look at this little bug's plate.

El bugo! How cute is that! I didn't even roll my eyes just a little bit! Something about those little cars makes me happy - and a plate that celebrates it (in this case) is kinda cute.

Is it just the red cars that do this or are there others out there? I'll let you know if I spy any more.

For similar posts, click here.

Celebrate Your Hobby - Or Something

At first glance, this SUV makes me wonder what it's doing parked - shouldn't it be cruising the highway at a low speed with OJ in the backseat and a fleet of police cars behind it? Also, I think this should be in some sort of museum. It's in such great shape! But a closer look reveals something about the owner.

They're land-locked divers. I mean, I think they are. I'm assuming the person who owns this vehicle lives in my town - which is only near lakes and rivers unless you're up for a road trip to do some Gulf of Mexico diving. Now, if I was a burglar, I'd say, "Follow that Bronco! They'll lead us to thousands of dollars worth of dive equipment we can pawn for a few bucks!"

But I'm not. I'm too clumsy for a life of crime.

They're divers. Good for them! PS - Watch out for sharks. They will eat you.

For similar posts, click here.

Five Pounds

Oh, this guy!

He parks his ginormous truck in two parking spaces - as if anyone could miss it! Either he can't park or he is in the running for "Douchebag of the Year." Real contest. I swear. The prize: my eternal bad thoughts.

But if you think that monster truck isn't enough of an attention getter, take a closer look at the license plate.

Yeah. 5 lbs.

I suppose that's the average size of his catch? But I'd be more impressed if his haul was bigger. So big, that it would require a bigger boat.

Now that's impressive! Definitely not a five pounder. And if you can catch that without losing a limb or shooting it, you get my eternal admiration.

But Mr. Monster Truck and his 5 lbs? I'm not impressed.

For similar posts, click here.

Oh, Kanela!

I think you think you're clever.

But I really think you're just inviting a kidnapper to call your name as you approach your car, then he shoves you in so he can drive you to an isolated location to do bad things to you and leave you for dead.

If your name is NOT Kanela, you are clever and I take back everything I just said. You won't be fooled by a criminal. You'll probably just mow him down with your Toyota!

For more tales about personalized license plates, click here.

REAL Woman?

Sometimes a lady likes to put her business right in your face. 

Don't be dirty. Sicko.

I'm talking about the woman behind the wheel of this gas guzzler.

It might be hard to see her customized license plate from this photo, so allow me to zoom in.

That's REEL WM.

Maybe she's not sure how to spell "real."

Maybe she likes to fish.

Maybe it's not even a she. Maybe it's a fisherman who likes to stay warm.

But there's nothing I like about this. Not the ugly cross between an SUV and a pickup. Not the customized plate. And I definitely don't like the whole "in your face" license plate. Anyone who buys that vehicle is pretty much giving the middle finger to everyone else. Serious superiority complex. Serious a-hole.

Now, I could be wrong. But I don't think I am.

To see other personalized license plates deciphered, click here.

Brother Sam

There's this guy who bought a Rolls Royce. Apparently, he didn't think that was enough of an attention getter on its own.

See that in the lower left corner? No? Maybe this will help.

BRO SAM.

There's a chance he's not the brother of a guy named Sam - or a brother named Sam.

He could be:

• A member/fan of a indie music group (though that doesn't really fit the whole Rolls Royce image)
• This guy
• A really big fan of this book

I don't know who this guy is, but I'd love to hear from him! Also, I have always really wanted to drive a Rolls Royce, so can I please take your car for a spin around the block? Please?

To see more posts on personalized license plates, click here.