Week in Pop Culture

If you're wondering why I'm doing this, it's because I find these stories and many of you never see them. So, as a public service, I gather the week's silly celebrity news and share it here. You're welcome. Cash tips are appreciated.

Jennifer Lopez is apparently without a record label and her new album may not be released. The lesson: you can make horrible movies and songs and you'll STILL get to host SNL. (Is this why my beloved Betty White is still waiting for her turn to host?)

In case you're wondering what to get me for my birthday, this is the opposite of what I want. Here's the picture proof.

So, Lindsay Lohan was a cokehead. That sounds about right.

Christmas wishes be damned! There will probably be another Kardashian baby.

I would love Whitney Houston to make a real come back. And by real, I mean capable of singing, not TALKING her way through her hits. I mean, I could talk my way through "I Will Always Love You" and sound this good:

Charlie Sheen is back in familiar territory.

"Two And A Half Men" must be cursed! Why else would Duckie's wife want to kill him?

What happened to Antonio Banderas?

George Lopez will voice Speedy Gonzales in a CGI version of the old cartoon. I'm gonna go ahead and call it the racist film of whatever year it rolls out.

Wow. The Jacksons should all seriously consider finding a plastic surgeon who will be honest, not just take their money.

I really hope Kelly Ripa's new tattoo doesn't bring bad luck on her marriage!

Mariah Carey is the bomb. I mean it. Look. She might pop right out of her clothes.

That "you're" in "You're So Vain" has been revealed by Carly Simon. Weird.

Any crush I had on Johnny Depp has been squashed.

Finally, R.I.P., Boner.

Week in Pop Culture

Wait just a second - there's a Boy George film in the works?!?!

Ladies who love Robert Pattinson should take note: keep your lady bits away from him!

I totally believe those romances on reality TV shows are made to last...especially Heidi & Spencer's.

It appears Paris Hilton cannot promote beer and stand at the same time.

Charlie Sheen's wife is addicted to crack? Of COURSE she is!

I'd like to see more Christina Hendricks, less stick-thin cover girls, please.

OMG! Something is wrong with Angelina Jolie's face. SPOILER ALERT: Botox.

Pamela Anderson really wants you to look at her.

My "sister" Tina Fey will host SNL in April and she might bring out her Palin again.

This song is stuck in my head. Sharing the gift.

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

Week In Pop Culture

What break up? It seems Brad can't keep his hands off of Angelina!

So, crazy Megan Fox needed a hand double for her Super Bowl ad. Everything else - ALL HER.

Jennifer Aniston is 41. And in a bikini. With Gerard Butler.

Two more examples of the lack of unoriginal ideas in Hollywood: "Gunsmoke" The Movie and "Laverne & Shirley."

SCANDAL: Anne Hathaway's armpit may have been airbrushed out of a magazine cover.

However, I am CERTAIN there was absolutely NO airbrushing on the new SI Swimsuit models.

Jimmy Kimmel may know funny, but he apparently does not know how to tell a lady what she needs to hear.

I wasn't planning on seeing that "Valentine's Day" movie, so you can pretty much bet that I won't see the sequel.

Someone needs to teach Bradley Cooper how to apply self tanner.

It appears magazines just ask Lindsay Lohan to pose because she'll pretty much do anything for a paycheck.

Alec Baldwin may have attempted suicide in front of his teenage daughter.

John Mayer should stick to singing songs and stop doing interviews.

Sad about the loss of Captain Phil. At least there will be one more chance to see him in all his glory.

I'm beginning to worry about Suri Cruise.

See? Beyonce is not perfect!

Week In Pop Culture

The next few weeks may be a challenge for Matthew McConaughey.

Every time I see this girl dressed up, her top is so tight it makes MY boobs hurt!

Britney Spears went to the Grammy's and forgot her dress.

If this doesn't make a good case for not cramming your toes into pointed shoes I don't know what will.

I have recently announced my desire to adopt Betty White. Here's one more reason why I love her.

Ugh. Now I hate Gisele Bundchen.

Yet I don't hate Lauren Hutton. She rocks!

After seeing this, I think the folks at A&E should give Lindsay Lohan a call. Their "Hoarders" and "Intervention" shows could dedicate an entire week to her issues!

Confession: I am not a fan of the Olympic games (go ahead, call me un-American). So, this news made me a little sad. I mean, a few weeks without "The Middle" & "Modern Family?" BOO!

Can someone call California's Child Protective Services on the Cyrus parents?

Tiger Woods is apparently out of sex rehab. So, girls, do him a favor and keep your ladybits away.

Week in Pop Culture

Michael Douglas is sharing too much. Really.

Lily Allen is not perfect.

Not surprising: Gary Coleman arrested. Surprising: ladies still going out with him.

LOVE Dolly Parton, but if I ever start to resemble her, I beg you to please get me some help.

Unlike SOME people, I do not love Taylor Swift. I like her. She's talented. But if she's doing more than making music with John Mayer, I won't even tolerate her.. Look - it's JOHN MAYER! If his penis doesn't fall off by the time he's 40, it only be a result of a miracle - or REALLY strong antibiotics.

I have seen the future and this is what Lindsay Lohan will look like (assuming she's alive in 30 years).

If this is true, John Edwards is beyond a creep.

When this kid winds up coked out and shooting up strip clubs before he's 18, he will have only his famous father to blame.

If I was Heidi Klum, I'd ask Madame Tussauds to give this another shot.

I thought security was supposed to be better at The White House.

Half of Milli Vanilli says everyone's copying what they did and no one's mad about it.

I'm sure you were dying to get your hands on the "SBTB" book written by Dustin (Don't Call Me Screech) Diamond. No need to buy it.

I'm a little sad about "Ugly Betty" being canceled, but happy it appears I'll get some closure on this one.

I'd like to thank Jessica Simpson for being one of the few celebrities who lives up to my expectations.

The lady with the man's voice will NOT return to "DWTS."

I believe Victoria Beckham when she says she and J-Lo wear the same dress size. Really. I do.

The tale of two seniors: Do. Don't.

Week In Pop Culture

While I'm sad I won't get to see new episodes of "Glee" until April, I'm happy they're getting more stars to walk the halls.

I don't care how many times Sophia Loren wears this dress, she STILL looks amazing!

Celebs posted their own Golden Globe pics on Twitter.

Speaking of the Globes, Mo'Nique totally deserved her prize, but, um, what's the deal with her hairy legs?

Amy Winehouse might be back to her old ways (or she's just clumsy).

Because I will never be the same after seeing this, I figured I must share it with you. And I also can't un-see this. Sorry.

To help you sleep better, you should know there is no bet between Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush regarding the Superbowl and an engagement.

Oh, poor Heidi Montag. Really. She'll be poor ANY minute. And I won't miss her or her plastic, um, features.

If The Hoff is ON the wagon, I'll check this out.

Here's the ONLY way "Ugly Betty" could get gayer (and I mean that in the best way).

Week in Pop Culture

I don't care what the new tattoo looks like, but, here's a picture of David Beckham without a shirt.

Gary Coleman doesn't want you to see his wiener. Um, Gary, on behalf of America, we don't want to see it.

That "Dance Your Ass Off" show would rather have a host who does not need to lose her ass.

I might be interested in Human League's new album.

Derek Jeter may/may not be engaged to Minka Kelly.

If you like "Spider-Man," this seems to be bad news.

Megan Fox is still not proving to me that she's an actress.

At least Eva Mendes is just putting it all out there, not pretending to be some serious actress.

What to do with people who went "looking for love" on TV and failed? Give them another shot at being fame whores!

The State of Indiana thinks it's found a way to get people to come there and it has to do with Michael Jackson.

I'm not sure who Channing Tatum is, but the fact that he nearly boiled his penis off is probably more than I should know about him.

Beyonce has decided to take some time off this year. What will I do without this diva?

Here's a movie that hasn't even started shooting and I'm already excited about it!

Heidi Montag says she's addicted to plastic surgery and is trying to make her best self. Well, if she really meant that, she'd stop putting out what she calls music. (And if you've been lucky to miss out on that, apologies for the introduction here)


Dexter has cancer. Well, not Dexter, but the guy who plays him.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is doing things to her nether regions that are terrifying.

Oh, so this is what Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan are really doing. Now I get it!

Who will protect the world from looking at a Lindsay Lohan sex tape?

Just so you know, Lady GaGa has help deciding how little clothing she's going to wear.

OMG. I DIE. Seriously. I would die if I looked like Rachel Zoe.

And in case you missed it:

Week in Pop Culture

Britney Spears has a sense of humor, y'all!

I know Nicole Kidman wants to be known for her work, not her Scientology-loving-ex-husband, but this is a bit odd.

Jessica Simpson sticks things in her ears.

Carrie Underwood is engaged to a hockey player who appears to have all his teeth.

Catherine Zeta-Jones wants people to come see her Broadway show. Desperately.

Wow. I thought I had issues with Christmas. Ozzy is beyond Scrooge.

Even models take a stand against high heels.

I never did get this coupling - on TV or in real life.

Soon, you'll be able to smell just like Eva Longoria Parker.

Kim Kardashian makes eating a salad seem naughty.

Steven Tyler is in rehab (not sure if he gets something free this time).Oh, and if you still care about Aerosmith, he's staying with them.

This is a REAL surprise (no sarcasm - honest): Susan Sarandon & Tim Robbins have split!

Beneath all that makeup and boobage, Pamela Anderson is really not that special.

Same goes for Marilyn Manson.

Do you follow Kim Kardashian on Twitter? You should probably know she makes $10,000 per tweet when she mentions businesses. Yeah. I'm mad, too. Still not following her.

Oh, I'll see this - even though it may make me a bit angry.

Sex and the City 2 in HD

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

Week in Pop Culture

This could make me stalk Hugh Jackman. But I won't because that's a crime. Right?

If you believe Tara Reid's pictures in Playboy are not photoshopped to death, I'd like you to help me collect some lottery winnings in the UK.

A very smart judge decided Courtney Love should not be in charge of her daughter. Then, Courtney took herself out of the "Mom of The Year" contest.

Not sure if Rihanna is acting out or just desperate for attention. Why else would a girl who can sing feel the need to take off her clothes?

Speaking of needing attention... John Mayer says he's "taking a break from dating." So ladies, don't go throwing your parts at him because he's not interested.

Here's a VERY special "Brady" episode.

I think Madonna's work has settled nicely in her face.

I had no idea Lady GaGa's songs had such deep meaning.

This article points out Nicole Kidman's make-up malfunction. I can't stop wondering how many cutlets she has stuffed into the dress.

I'm not even sure who this woman is, but OMG - her behind is ginormous!

Finally, here's a little holiday cheer. Enjoy!

Week in Pop Culture

I don't really care that much, but I have set my DVR for tonight to record the Rihanna interview. I'm wondering what was worse: the whole Chris Brown thing or the promos?

I am officially convinced Gerard Butler will make out with anything with lips.

You know that reboot of a show Jessica Simpson's sister was on? She thinks it's crap.

JS also bonded over boobs with Dolly.

Forget her big behind - what the heck is going on with Kim Kardashian's boobs?

In case you missed 'em, here are some other "famous" folk in their costumes.

Kate Hudson lost 20 pounds for a movie. Hmmm. Good for her. She was SO fat before that movie.

So, Kirstie Alley's using her weight issue to get a reality show. Unless she's shoveling HoHos in her mouth by the dozen, I'm not interested. OK. Maybe I am just a little.

If I decide to have work done on my face, I want Cher's doctor to do it.

There's no disputing Leona Lewis can sing.Remembering lyrics, well...

I'm thinking I need to become slightly famous and develop a drug/alcohol habit.

Kathy Griffin is bringing her snark to ABC this month for yet ANOTHER dance show.

I don't know who this lady is, but she's apparently famous in London - and now I'm wondering what she was thinking when she left home to go out to an event.

Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin are hosting the Oscars.

There are no new ideas in Hollywood. Here's proof.

Oh, People Magazine! It's so cute how you pay tribute to dudes who don't like to wear shirts!

So, let me get this straight. It's OK to enter a beauty pageant with the boobs the contest bought you, speak out against gay marriage and make a sex tape? America - what a country!

What lengths are tabloids willing to go to to prove Josh Duhamel cheated on Fergie with a stripper? Polygraph.

Brad Pitt might be a pirate.

Oh, COME ON, Australia! No one pays good money for a Britney Spears concert expecting her to sing live.

Jeremy Piven sprouted manboobs.

And speaking of manboobs...
Try getting that out of your head.

Week in Pop Culture

OMG! Celebrity surfers are, like, in danger of being eaten by a shark! Wait. Can I send a few into the water?

I might actually go see a "Glee" tour even though I'd be the oldest one there without kids. Maybe that's a reason to adopt?

I am in awe of January Jones on "Mad Men." And after reading this, I love her a little more!

I don't know how anything related to Michael Jackson could surprise me, but throw in a little Paul Anka and I'm left shaking my head.

Some crazy person decided to smack Leona Lewis. HARD.

Tracy Morgan has a new book (I didn't know he could read, let alone write) and he has some not-so-nice things to say about former SNLers.

Add Matthew Perry to the list of former "Friends" getting a TV show. I do not have high hopes for this one.

The Spice Girls are planning a reunion. Why?

I think Jennifer Aniston is a girl with issues. Proving my point, she's back to "spending time" with John Mayer. Let the douche go, girl. He only says sweet things in his songs. Have you never checked him out on twitter?

I'm no fan of Jessica Simpson, but even I think this went too far. I mean people at the NFL making a fat joke? Have they not looked at some of those linemen? Kettle, please hold for black.

I don't know whether I should be amazed that Pam Anderson can still look good in that red bathing suit or disappointed that strutting around in it is the only way she gets attention these days.

Garth Brooks is headed to Sin City.

This will make Julie happy: Taylor Swift will host SNL.

One more thing I don't have in common with Supermodels: pit stains.

NBC owns Jon Bon Jovi for a couple of months. Fingers crossed he's not singing on the NBC shows I like!

Week in Pop Culture

Demi Moore is getting fashion advice for her 15-year-old daughter from Perez Hilton. Well, not really fashion advice, more like mothering advice. Because letting a gay man advise you on your teenage daughter's attire is TOTALLY appropriate.

I don't know if she's just trying to get people to watch the new "Melrose Place" or what, but Ashlee Simpson has officially shared too much information about her non-"acting" talents.

They can dance with "The Stars," but it appears Maksim and Karina won't dance together - unless ABC forces them to do it.

Most underwhelming moment of the week: Tyra Banks and her weave-free reveal. She followed that one by dedicating a whole show to period talk (and I don't mean punctuation). SOOO glad I don't record her show!

Janet Jackson will pay tribute to Michael at the VMAs. I'm guessing Tito and Jermaine were busy.

Lindsay Lohan has a new job...and I'm not sure I can respect Ungaro.

Nicole Richie and that husband of hers had a baby boy. They named him Sparrow. I'm 99% sure she's already a size zero again.

Kanye apparently fell asleep and got punked.

Katherine Heigl is adopting a baby.

Ellen is replacing Paula Abdul on "American Idol."

Jennifer Aniston isn't just an "actress." She can sing, too.

"Sex and The City" sequel spoiler alert: there might be a wedding!

Confession: I like Barry Manilow in small doses. I don't think I could handle an entire movie with his music...unless there's alcohol involved and I can make it a drinking game.

Say it ain't so! Phil Collins is not able to drum anymore! Guess that gives him more time to wander The Alamo.

Mischa Barton wasn't crazy after all! She was just suffering from wisdom tooth surgery. Yeah. That makes perfect sense.

I wavered on including the whole Tila Tequila mess, but now I'm gonna cave. Check out these pictures of her injuries. If you want to see just how crazy this whole thing is, check out Tila's twitter page.

I'm not sure Kurt Cobain would have wanted to play Bon Jovi tunes if he was still alive. Those who knew him say he wouldn't. It's weird, no?

Week in Pop Culture

What the huh? Macaulay Culkin could be the father of one of Michael Jackson's kids? I didn't think this story could get any creepier.

Paula Abdul wants to host a talk show. Yeah, me, too. Only mine will have a touch more crazy (I'll be drunkity drunk when I host - WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)!

I don't care if Chris Brown remembers whether he hit Rihanna, just that he doesn't do it again - to anyone.

Apparently, Rihanna has decided posing topless is a good way to get over it all.

You know those pictures you've seen of Demi Moore where you want to punch your computer screen because she looks awesome? Well, turns out her body is not as amazing as you think. At least that's what she says.

LeAnn Rimes announced she's getting a divorce on her website. I'd like to take a moment to announce that I'm marrying George Clooney. Not that George Clooney. Mine's a librarian.

Katherine Heigl is going to be missing from a few episodes of "Grey's Anatomy." She's going to be shooting a movie I'm sure I'll never see - unless it shows up on cable.

That Megan Fox is trying real hard to put herself out of work.

Because her "Life on the D List" isn't getting her enough attention, Kathy Griffin is telling all about her health hi jinx.

Whitney Houston is making a comeback. I mean, I suppose that's what you'd call it, considering she kind of spoke the lyrics. And if you call that singing, I want my Grammy!

Since I can't remember the last time Lindsay Lohan did real work, I can only imagine she trots around in a bikini and considers it work (or at least a photo op).

I am beginning to think Madonna's daughter, Lourdes, is actually the pop star's clone.

Week in Pop Culture

Mark Wahlberg got married.

I'm less interested in Jennifer Love Hewitt wearing a bikini while playing tennis than I am in her choice of footwear.

Just when I was beginning to respect Ryan O'Neal for how well he cared for Farrah, he has to go and do this - AND talk about it!

Now, you can look like Jessica Simpson - under your clothes. Whatever you do, DON'T show your boyfriend. He'll probably just dump you and tell his neighborhood security you're not allowed there anymore.

Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee might be back together again. I smell a sex tape. Wait. That's not what I smell.

That guy who was The Hulk on TV might be on "Dancing With The Stars." I hope it's true! I'd like to see what happens when the judges are mean!

Angelina Jolie looking less than beautiful - though not many people could pull off grey clay.

And maybe that's why she didn't make Vanity Fair's "Best Dressed" list.

Paula Abdul is not returning to "American Idol." Will it be worth watching without her wackiness? But she may have found another reality competition show to give her a paycheck.

Victoria Beckham, AKA Posh Spice, will be a judge on "Idol." So if she's qualified, so am I (don't let the fact that I've never actually "been in a girl pop group" get in the way).

WHAT!?!? "The Hills" is NOT real?

Cameron Diaz as Maria VonTrapp? PLEASE GOD, NO!

Don't cry for Jennifer Aniston. She's OK. Really. Whew. I almost lost sleep over that one.

Sherri Shepherd bravely walked out in a bathing suit on "The View." Lucky for us, her ginormous boobs stayed in the suit!

At his age, Steven Tyler should NOT be living on the edge of anything.

I'd like a Susan Boyle makeover. If I can't have that, can I have her airbrusher?

Sad news: John Hughes died! Here is a great tribute to him from his pen pal. And watch this to see his work wrapped up in just a few minutes.

Week in Pop Culture

Chris Brown says he's sorry. Does anyone believe him? Does anyone care?

Shaq is bringing his reality TV show to ABC next month. If I'm lucky, it will a) be good and b) play at 9pm.

MCA has cancer. No snark for this one.

Nicholas Cage and his hair plugs want in on "The Green Hornet" movie.

If you were planning on sending J-Lo and her twins a gift, don't send balloons.

The Divas return to VH1. No exclamation point. I'm kind of interested in all but one. You guess.

Tyler Perry is a do-gooder. I still don't think he's funny.

OMG - this makes me want to drink Diet Coke!

Seth Rogen was a minor plot line on last Sunday's "Entourage." He has some not-so-nice words for the show's creator.

Katherine Heigl REALLY wants me to punch her in the face. Seriously? Complaining about a 17-hour day - when she only has to work for a few months a year? Suck it.

You should know that if Kiefer Sutherland headbutts you, there's a good chance he won't serve time.

Stephen Baldwin has no talent - I mean money.

Loved "The Notebook." A musical (?) - not so much.

Paul Giamatti speaks soul - not music or food.

If you've ever wanted to smell like a crackhead but don't want to actually SMOKE the crack, this perfume might be the thing for you.

Jon Stewart - the most trusted newsman in America. Um, people know he's not REALLY a newsman right - or are they too dumb to get satire?

Summer was going so well without Speidi, then this. Heidi Pratt is "performing" at the Miss Universe Pageant. First of all, I had no idea these pageants were a) televised or b) watched. But performing? What is she going to do? Stare at the camera? Cry?

Another note from the not-quite-famous crowd: some tabloid reporter resigned after confirming she's dating Jon Gosselin. I'd write something snarky, but I just threw up in my mouth.

I still don't get Zac Efron. He goes from boy who needs a haircut and a shower, to pretty boy. Is there some machine that does this? If so, I'm putting that on my wish list.

Angelina Jolie went to Iraq this week. I went to get nuked in a lab. But I did win $74 in lottery tickets. Who's a winner now?

Paris Hilton might have told the worst lie of the week.

And I'll leave you with this - Will Arnett reading from a familiar teen book. Enjoy?

Week in Pop Culture

If you liked "The Hangover," maybe you'll like the sequel when it's released in two years.

Yet another example of Hollywood's lack of originality: Hong Kong Phooey is coming to the big screen.

I'm still not sure what the Green Hornet did, but this movie keeps getting press. I still won't see it if Cameron Diaz is in it.

Speaking of comic book heroes turned into movies, Natalie Portman will be in "Thor." I thought that was made up for "Adventures in Babysitting."

One more geek item: see what's sure to be the "get" at Comic-Con.

It's official: Neil Patrick Harris is the new host of everything! Next up: The Emmy Awards.
Apparently, Farrah Fawcett cannot rest in peace. Her diary is going to be published. I don't keep a diary, but if I did, I would certainly haunt anyone who tried to have it published (FYI - it would be SO juicy!).

OMG - Nicole Richie is SO fat! Oh, wait. She's pregnant.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo broke up. If you REALLY care, you can look at this slideshow of their happier times.

On a happier note, Robert Redford got married.

Amy Winehouse is back! She looks less coke head, more 90s eye makeup model.

Someone told Renee Zellweger that I only liked her in "Jerry Maguire" and "Bridget Jones." They're bringing Bridget back.

Jennifer Garner has figured out she's better on the tube.

Speaking of comebacks... Whitney Houston's new album drops soon. Take a look at the cover! Note: You might want to turn down your speakers because the site blasts her music - not the new stuff!

Jada Pinkett Smith needs to stop talking about her sex life with Will Smith. Seriously. Stop.

This might be the most disturbing thing I've seen all week (and I've seen a lot). I still don't get why people feel the need to take pictures of themselves like that and put it out there. Maybe I'm too old for such things.

The crazy train has made another stop. It's latest passenger: Mischa Barton. I'd go crazy, too, if no one would hire me.

So this is what Anderson Cooper is hiding under his suits! WOW! No, Mom. I still can't marry him.

Week in Pop Culture

Zac Efron finally cut his hair!

Janet from "Three's Company" got caught DWI. No word on whether she was leaving the Regal Beagle - or if Chrissy had anything to do with it. Note: If you have the unpleasant experience of taking a mugshot, perhaps you should not make the face she made.

The Big Ragoo also allegedly got his drink on and drove. This makes me wonder if there's a movie coming based on "Three's Company" or "Laverne & Shirley." That would TOTALLY make me drink. Please, Hollywood, STOP MAKING OLD TV SHOWS INTO MOVIES!

Justin Timberlake is apparently writing a book about golf. Unless he's writing about his crazy times with Britney, I won't be reading it.

Those "Housewives" of NYC are trying to keep it real - REAL EXPENSIVE. They apparently want raises to do another season. Why? They're not even the most interesting of the bunch?

Future hussies can dress like Miley Cyrus - if the tween star was put on a super cheap budget. She's developing a line for Wal-Mart.

Add Ryan Gosling to the list of hyphenates. The actor is working on an album.

Lindsay Lohan is actually turning down work - including a movie that turned out to be a surprise hit. Who knew?

I'm beginning to understand why the fellas are interested in Megan Fox.She's apparently willing to do anything for a movie role.

Gwyneth Paltrow says you should do a cleanse. I am, starting with her movies. Ahhh. I feel much better.

Any interest I had in the "Green Hornet" movie is fading fast now that Cameron Diaz may join the cast.

Yeah, Ben Affleck, this is why I don't like you. Truth: you just don't make good movies. You're no Casey.

Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster may star in a movie together. It just sounds dirty. And not good.

And guys will be guys - no matter what country they lead or how beautiful the wife.

Week in Pop Culture

Perez Hilton says he was attacked by Will.i.am and some of his peeps over the weekend. Apparently, he didn't think his nasty comments about people - both on the web and in person - would lead to physical violence. He also refused to apologize for his role in the mess. SIDE NOTE: Yes, I know I'm mean. However, if you come at me swinging, know that I will not tweet about it and cry. I'll swing back. Closed fist, fools. Oh, I'll still send people to this picture of Fergie and her potty pants.

Speaking of beat downs...Chris Brown pleaded guilty to attacking his former girlfriend, Rihanna. No snarky remark here.

Ed McMahon died. And to make this about me, I'll say that I'm sad he'll never show up with one of those big checks from Publisher's Clearing House. I guess I should stop sending in my entries now.

Farrah Fawcett died.I thought she was looney tunes in recent years. Then, I watched her documentary a few weeks ago. I have a whole new respect for her and Ryan O'Neal. He really loved her. I'm actually a little worried about how he'll handle life without her.

Michael Jackson died. This one was totally surprising. I mean, he wasn't sick (not physically anyway). I'm choosing to remember the Michael who is on my iPod, not the one who had the legal troubles.

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick welcomed twin girls via surrogate. I'm not sure, but I think the babies might be wearing the world's smallest pair of Jimmy Choos.

Jon & Kate decided to separate. No one saw that coming.

Darryl Hannah - jail bird.

Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo broke up. I don't really care, but it's news (?).

Apparently blood is thicker than water - at least in New Jersey!

Holy retouching! Mariah Carey has three pictures of herself on her new album cover. They're boobtastic!

Speaking of body parts, did you see this Burger King ad? It sooo does not make me want a sandwich.

And I'll end this week with one of my favorite Michael Jackson videos.

Week in Pop Culture

WOW! Bruce Willis likes to get naked with his new wife (no idea who she is). And they like to do it for magazines. Um, attention whores?

That John Mayer! He's so funny...and he's a douche. Guess which one of those terms of endearment is how I really feel?

Speaking of douches...this guy totally gives Mayer a run for the title.

It is NOT a secret that Jennifer Aniston is not good in movies. Or was she being funny? I'm confused.

For being the world's "biggest celebrities," Speidi certainly are sensitive. I mean, who's afraid of Al Roker? Oh. Speidi.

The folks over at The Frisky found Megan Fox's flaw: toe thumbs. Yeah. She's hideous.

Dolly Parton inspired the Girl Scouts. It has nothing to do with her boobies!

Chasity Bono, now Chaz, is out showing off his new manly look. Can you tell?

Victoria Beckham decided bigger isn't always better when it comes to her chest.

Mariah Carey released her new single "Obsessed." I don't so much care about the song as I want to know who touched up her photo. I want to hire that person to work on some of my photos.

Who knew?!? Michael Jackson is training for his new tour with The Hulk!

Jennifer Love Hewitt's writing a book on dating. A WHOLE BOOK. I can sum it up in one sentence: DON'T DATE DOUCHEBAGS!

Week in Pop Culture

Bret Michaels performed at the Tony Awards and got knocked out. At least he has a legitimate excuse for some more plastic surgery. He even took to the web to show off his injuries. Not shedding a tear.

Apparently everyone wants to either BE Angelina Jolie - or they want to DO her.

Oh, how I loved Zack Morris back in the day. So this might be my favorite moment of the week.

Please, God. Don't let them remake Saturday Night Fever.

David Letterman's not afraid of the Mama Bear - even if she does have a gun (or 12). And she fired right back. Then he apologized for trying to be funny.

Jon Voight, who can't get his relationship with his daughter cleaned up, thinks he knows a thing or two about the way our country is going. Yeah. He's credible.

If Susan Boyle wants to unleash her inner Paris Hilton, the heiress offers these tips. Let's just hope SuBo doesn't opt for a sex tape.

I've never seen her in a movie, but "actress" Jessica Alba is allegedly a vandal. Is that a scandal?

Little secret about Nicole: I ♥ Blago. Well, not him. Just his hair. And his potty mouth. Anywho, this story makes me want to go to Chicago Saturday. He could be one funny MFer.

Phil Spector's new mugshot should be in a Hall of Fame. It's THAT good. I can't blame the prison for taking his wig. That thing could hide all kinds of weapons!

Chasity Bono turned 40 and decided to become a dude. Somewhere, Cher is probably thinking, "If I could turn back time..."

Oh. I almost forgot. The worst kept secret is finally out. Are you surprised?