Week in Pop Culture

Britney Spears has a sense of humor, y'all!

I know Nicole Kidman wants to be known for her work, not her Scientology-loving-ex-husband, but this is a bit odd.

Jessica Simpson sticks things in her ears.

Carrie Underwood is engaged to a hockey player who appears to have all his teeth.

Catherine Zeta-Jones wants people to come see her Broadway show. Desperately.

Wow. I thought I had issues with Christmas. Ozzy is beyond Scrooge.

Even models take a stand against high heels.

I never did get this coupling - on TV or in real life.

Soon, you'll be able to smell just like Eva Longoria Parker.

Kim Kardashian makes eating a salad seem naughty.

Steven Tyler is in rehab (not sure if he gets something free this time).Oh, and if you still care about Aerosmith, he's staying with them.

This is a REAL surprise (no sarcasm - honest): Susan Sarandon & Tim Robbins have split!

Beneath all that makeup and boobage, Pamela Anderson is really not that special.

Same goes for Marilyn Manson.

Do you follow Kim Kardashian on Twitter? You should probably know she makes $10,000 per tweet when she mentions businesses. Yeah. I'm mad, too. Still not following her.

Oh, I'll see this - even though it may make me a bit angry.

Sex and the City 2 in HD

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

Week in Pop Culture

This could make me stalk Hugh Jackman. But I won't because that's a crime. Right?

If you believe Tara Reid's pictures in Playboy are not photoshopped to death, I'd like you to help me collect some lottery winnings in the UK.

A very smart judge decided Courtney Love should not be in charge of her daughter. Then, Courtney took herself out of the "Mom of The Year" contest.

Not sure if Rihanna is acting out or just desperate for attention. Why else would a girl who can sing feel the need to take off her clothes?

Speaking of needing attention... John Mayer says he's "taking a break from dating." So ladies, don't go throwing your parts at him because he's not interested.

Here's a VERY special "Brady" episode.

I think Madonna's work has settled nicely in her face.

I had no idea Lady GaGa's songs had such deep meaning.

This article points out Nicole Kidman's make-up malfunction. I can't stop wondering how many cutlets she has stuffed into the dress.

I'm not even sure who this woman is, but OMG - her behind is ginormous!

Finally, here's a little holiday cheer. Enjoy!

I Want A New Drug

Huey Lewis - New Music - More Music Videos

Yes. I want a new drug. Maybe not one that makes me want to sing (trust me on that). But I want one that doesn't creep me out. Scratch that. I want a drug ad that doesn't make me yell at the TV. In case I haven't mentioned this, or you're new to my blog, I have TV Tourettes - I tend to shout things at the screen when people annoy me.

Let me give you a few examples. Maybe you've seen this lady:
She has wicked heartburn and she's on her first date with that guy. Now, I don't know if it's the fact that she's not wearing a bra or has a scarf on inside a restaurant or that the guy looks like George Hamilton's fair-skinned brother, but I see all kinds of things that don't look right here. I'd be more concerned about the heartburn than whether this date is going well. Is she? Nope. She, like a lady in a silly romantic comedy, seems to have worried so much about this date (I'll call him Mr. Pocket Scarf) is going to be the one. SPOILER ALERT: She takes the drug, he, in fact, is The One. Well, her Second One. Yep. At the end, she becomes Mrs. Pocket Scarf. Oh, and he's her SECOND husband.

The next ad also features ladies. This one has a group of "girlfriends" sitting around, first talking about how much they love a previous birth control commercial. Then, they talk about this particular brand and how great it is. Let me tell you something: WOMEN DO NOT LOVE THESE COMMERCIALS. I mean, I suppose there is some woman who loves it (surely they consulted women while making this ad). But I think that woman is the same one who gets excited about the feminine product ads. Freakshow. Stay away from her. Women may be faithful to their birth control, but unless one of our friends is having lady troubles, we are not sitting around at TV raving about the ads. We might make suggestions, but let's face it. It is just a monthly reminder that God is a man. I will believe that until there is a male birth control that guys will actually take. Wait. That might be an ad I'd watch.

This is the last ad I'll talk about.

Here's what bugs me about it: these people could be my parents. Now, I understand things happen when you get older (I am learning this first-hand every day). However, I refuse to acknowledge that my parents or your parents have sex. Ick. Put these ads on during shows that appeal to these people, not during my non-sensical sitcoms or during the news.

Now, I do give the drug companies credit. They tend to use nice music and show beautiful scenery. In fact, if not for the warnings that you could have a heart attack, stroke, diarrhea, nausea, sudden death, I might enjoy the ads if they played back to back on some channel. But please stop trying to speak to me like you're my friend. We're not. If we were friends, I'd get a box full of fun pills for Christmas wrapped in all that cash you're making. Until then, kindly knock it off.

Week in Pop Culture

I so love Jason Segel on HIMYM. If pictures are telling this story correctly, he is certain to have an STD now. So he loses points in my book.

The ONLY way I would consider watching the "Dallas" reboot is if the originals came back. Even then, I'm iffy.

Lady GaGa met the Queen and she, um, dressed up?

I'm beginning to worry about Jessica Simpson's taste in men. Just a little.

Look, I get that pop stars rarely sing live. But if you're gonna do it, make sure you're holding the microphone from the right end.

DWTS' Joanna Krupa is sharing too much (and it's not just in the form of pictures).

OH NO! That "Bonnie Hunt Show" is going off the air and I haven't seen a single episode!

Gary Busey is going to be a dad. Hope he doesn't tell the kid to "speak into the microphone, squid brain!"

Gisele Bundchen is no longer fat. Oh, and she's a mom.

Hmmm... this review calls "MacGruber" the best SNL movie since "Wayne's World."

Not sure Mariah Carey knows how to kiss her Boy Toy/hubbie.

Wendy Williams (an alleged "talk show host) had to tell her kid about her breast implants after she talked about them on her show. Funny. I thought she was a dude.

Note to Chris Brown: No one wants to buy your music. Stop blaming stores and labels. You're a douche.

One of my favorite kooky shows has been canceled. :(

You're Welcome?

Is this gayer than Lady GaGa's version of "Poker Face?"

You decide.

Holiday Favorites

I've been trying to get in the holiday spirit, but since it feels like Christmas has been taunting me since mid-October, it's hard to still be excited about the season. To try to get me to be a little more jolly than the grinch, I've been hunting down holiday movies. Here are some of my favorites that always bring a smile (or even a tear) each time.

A Christmas Story

I have seen this so many times I can say the lines as I watch it. I blame TBS for that. I mean, is it necessary to run this for 24 hours? Don't get me wrong, my TV always finds it and, though I may not see it in its entirety in one sitting, I will see enough parts of it during that time to have seen every scene. In case you've never had the privilege of this one, it's about a boy who wants a Red Ryder BB Gun (he'll shoot his eye out - but he'll be OK). Lots of silly family things happen to make us all realize it's not the holidays if your family doesn't show off its crazy. When he was younger, my cousin Paul looked like Ralphie. We keep threatening to get him a pink bunny costume one of these years. He's a good sport. He'll wear it. I'll post pictures.

Bad Santa

OK. Billy Bob Thornton is not the guy I'd pick to play Santa (he's real, kids - the ones you see in the mall are his helpers, even if they smell like booze). I mean, he's just weird. But this movie is so wrong, it's right. He's the naughtiest of naughty. He cusses. He drinks. He insults kids. He steals. He has s-e-x in the Santa costume. As disturbing as all that is, it makes me laugh. Listen, the day I have the money for a fancy "spa" (AKA rehab), I'll go there. Until then, back off. Does he get in the real holiday spirit? You'll just have to watch it to find out.

Charlie Brown Christmas

How can you go wrong with Charlie Brown? He's looking for the true meaning of Christmas - something I struggle with every year. Seriously, stores. Stop shoving the holidays down my throat before I've had time to overdose on candy corn! I don't know why this song is both beautiful and tragic, but I cannot get through the season without listening to it. Plus, there's the whole sad tree thing. It's a little bit of tree discrimination, forcing people to abandon the skinny trees on the lots for the one full of sticky needles. Wait... is this one of the few times fatties are celebrated?

Elf

This might be my favorite Will Farrell movie. He plays Buddy The Elf, a man-boy who learns he was adopted and raised by elves (not the Tolkien kind - the kind that work as little toy slaves for Santa). He finds his father, who's a bit of a jerk, and proceeds to spread holiday cheer in his own special way in New York City. Funny and sweet. Just how I like my holiday movies!

Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas

What could be cuter than a couple of otters trying to win a talent contest so they can win money to buy gifts? Wait, sounds VERY Brady-like. Whatever. These hillbilly critters are cute and sing catchy tunes. This one doesn't get much play, though it should. If you haven't seen it, rent it. Or search for it on youtube.

Holiday Inn

Surprise! This one takes place at an inn (not that chain hotel - not even the Express ones) that is open for the holidays. Fred Astaire and Bing Crosy star in this one, which was the first time anyone heard "White Christmas." Music and dancing? Yeah, that's a holiday movie!

Home Alone

Family goes on vacation to Paris, leaves behind 8-year-old boy. He's one resourceful kid, figuring out how to eat without burning down the house and defends his home from two of the dumbest burglars to ever set foot on a movie set. Just when you start to feel sorry for the kid, who thinks he's been completely forgotten by his family (who can't seem to get back to him quickly), you realize he'll be just fine. And that's when I think it's not so bad that I have to work on the holidays.

Love Actually

If you know me, you know that I am not a fan of the romantic comedy. This one, I love. These people have problems (some bigger than others). But the one thing they all want for Christmas: to be happy and in, if they're really lucky, with the ones they love. It's told in several different stories and each one is special. I could watch this any time of year, but it is a holiday movie. Yep, I cry here, too.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

This is another one you can't miss on TV between Thanksgiving and New Year's (though I did find it on cable during the summer and still watched it). I have most of this memorized, from the tree chopping beginning to the rant and holiday ending. It's funny. It makes me think of my grandparents. It also makes me glad all of my family is not trapped in one house. It would not end like this. Trust me.
The Muppet Christmas Carol
What makes this better than the old black and white version? Duh. Muppets! It's right there in the title!

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

Alright, this one is actually about Thanksgiving, but it still has that "getting home to the family for the holidays" vibe. It also has a few other things going for it: starring Steve Martin and the late, great John Candy and it's directed by John Hughes. It has made me not wanted to travel the day before a holiday ever unless it's by car. Also, those aren't pillows.

White Christmas

I know, this one is like "Holiday Inn." But this has more romantic comedy than the other one. Same song (look, it's Bing Crosby's world, we all just live in it). I don't watch this one every year, but every time I catch it, it makes me want to sing - so be glad it's not in my rotation.

Did I leave anything out? It's possible. My mind is not as young as it used to be.

Bunny Reindeer

I love the bunnies! They're so talented!!

Week in Pop Culture

Go ahead. Look at these pictures and tell me they're a) not photo shopped or b) not at all the result of a diet drug or c) the result of some creative spray tanning.

Mark Paul Gosselaar can't catch a break. Maybe I should have watched that show. Nope. There's no way it was as good as "Saved By The Bell."

I refuse to get on board with the "Yogi Bear" movie.

I absolutely ♥ Alec Baldwin on "30 Rock." If he really and truly gets out of entertainment after that show, I might cry. Or buy the DVDs so I can always get a giggle.

Here's why you should NOT call Anthony Michael Hall "Farmer Ted."

Just when I was thinking ABC has finally hit its comedic stride, I read this.

I know I've made fun of Jessica Simpson before (um, have you read her quotes or seen her in mom jeans?), but I honestly don't get why this dress had bloggers saying she's "curvy" (that's the nice word I've seen).

Cindy Crawford has used Botox. I thought it was her skin care line that made her face look awesome?

Mr. Big is not so big.

That mom from "Family Ties" likes the ladies.

Pretty good news for "Ugly Betty!"

You can hate her because she's dating George Clooney or you can hate her because she looks like this.

A few years ago, I never would have thought I'd say this: Happy 28th Birthday, Britney! Oh, and if you are looking for more bikini links, here's a Britney bikini parade.

Hey! Look what I found: Lady GaGa looking and sounding normal! Someone owes me $20!

In Rihanna's defense, not many people like being frisked at the airport.

*GASP* The scandal! Taylor Swift nearly naked!

And because I refrained from linking you to Tiger Woods stories today, I'm giving you a link to some Tiger fun.
Enjoy!

You Can't Control The Story

Tiger Woods, I'm not just talking to you. I'm talking to anyone in the spotlight - celebrity, politician or ordinary person who makes it onto the news every now and then. If you think you want to be famous, or already are, there are some things you should know.

Don't Play Perfect
You cannot put images like this on your website and not expect people to think, "Aw! Look at them. Beautiful couple, adorable children, cute dogs. They look so happy!" But it doesn't end there. People wonder if you're really that happy. More people wonder how real your life is. You were in control here. At least you thought you were.

Don't Lie To The Press
Call us vultures, creeps or anything else. Trust me. We've heard it all before. But the bottom line is, if we hear rumors, we're going to check them out.

If we suspect you aren't being truthful, we will keep digging until we find the truth - or at least what sounds more reasonable than the story you're spinning.

Who would have thought this family might have some real problems?
Perfect little political family? Not so much.

When your husband (who happens to be the Governor of South Carolina) disappears, you can't expect people to believe he'd leave those cute kids on Father's Day weekend to get some peace and quiet and work. Oh, and saying he's "hiking the Appalachian trail" on a weekend when naked hikers are taking to the trail doesn't make the media stop asking questions. Let's face it, Mrs. Sanford. You had to know your husband was with another woman. Flights to South America aren't like a quick jaunt to the pay-by-the-hour motel to meet a mistress. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this publicly, but you helped cover it up. While you've dumped your dead weight husband, good luck with your book/clothing line - or whatever else will help you support your lovely children.

Keeping Silent Won't Get You Out Of The News
David Letterman is a man who treasures his privacy. You rarely see photos of him with his family. When scandal came knocking, he knew he had to do what many men before him had not had the courage (or wits) to do: fess up!

He admitted he had relationships with women on his staff. He explained there was a blackmail plot. He apologized to his wife. All in front of an audience and television cameras. He did it before millions of people. It was obviously a very difficult thing for him to do - not just because of what happened but because he knew there was no way for it to be swept under the rug (after all, criminal charges are public record).

Did he have to do that?

No.

Did he keep this story from being fodder for weeks on end?

Yes.

Sure, people still talk about it. They will at least until this case is resolved in the courts. Are people paying closer to Dave's marriage or relationship with co-workers? Absolutely. But after that confession, it almost feels like he'd let us know if he messed up again. And it seems like he'd be sorry then, too.

Lessons Learned
Don't put yourself out there and not expect people to want to bring you down. It's too easy for bloggers (like myself) or tabloids to spend time looking for ways to prove you're not the person we see. But if you know there is the potential for scandal, speaking up before the writers start digging could be the difference between coming out of this like Letterman, or people shaking their heads at you like many are with Tiger.

Go ahead. Say it's none of our business. I agree that what happens between a husband and wife should be kept between them. But when you're in the public light and you appear to have a falling out (come on - who believe Elin smashed the back window of that SUV to pull Tiger out of the car after seeing there was no damage to the driver's door?) and then keep mum, minds will wonder what really happened. If Tiger had spoken up before today, it would have prevented the alleged mistresses from selling their stories to tabloids, releasing voice mails or personal photos. Well, at least they wouldn't have been paid as much.

Also, as much as you readers/viewers might like to say you don't consider personal scandals news, you're buying magazines and books and watching the news and prime time specials that hype the heck out of them.

I'm not naive enough to believe that people in the public light are perfect. I don't believe anyone - myself included - is without sin. But I don't pretend to be the best at anything. I don't parade my life in front of the tabloids (they wouldn't pay a penny for my story anyway), then resent the same members of the press when they go looking for the real story. This is not the 1960s. When there were rumblings about JFK and Marilyn Monroe, it went largely unreported. You can bet if President Obama and Beyonce were rumored to be in a relationship, it would be just as hyped - if not more - than Tiger's story.

So, please, celebrities, I ask that you decide how public you want to be. Share your family with us, we'll publicly hope you're as healthy and happy as you appear (while, perhaps, privately hoping your life is just as challenging as ours). But if you keep your lovely family out of People magazine, off your website and out of interviews, I'll respect your privacy.

Until you keep quiet. Then, I'll keep your name in an internet search engine looking for the real story before you "break" it.