Facebook, You're On My Nerves

Facebook, you're a fine place to connect with friends. However, some of your recent behavior is, well, creepy.

I've decided to show some photos (dark and a little blurry on purpose) to illustrate some of my complaints.
Reconnect With Someone
At first, this sounds like a nice thing. I'm thinking, "Wow, Facebook, how did you know it had been a while since I have exchanged messages with this person?" Then, I click on the person's name and realized you're trying to make me get this person to be active here. Every single time I've checked out this whole "reconnection" thing, it's been someone who hasn't updated a status/sent a message in months. Why is it my job to remind people they have a Facebook account and that they might want to let their friends know they haven't dropped off the planet?
Making Users "Active"
Facebook, sometimes I think you're that desperate girl at the bar. You know the one, tipsy and looking for any guy standing by himself so she can convince him to take her home (or at least make out with her in the parking lot). Really? You want me to make someone more active here? Um, not everyone spends hours logged in. And some people are just here because they've been sent so many invites they decided to join just to shut people up. And there are those who are just here to make minimal contact with people. What's wrong with that? I'm not always a people person. I don't always want to talk to people. So if someone only logs into FB every few days/weeks/months, back off. Let them come to you. Don't force their friends to get them liquored up and chatting with people they hardly know online. That's just dangerous.
People To Friend
Wow. This is just weird. I mean, sure, I know some of these people. I even used to know some of them. I have no problem friending the people I actually know. But, Facebook, just because I might have a friend or two in common with these people, it doesn't mean I actually want to be friends with them here or in the real world. Plus, this makes me wonder if these people have seen me as a recommended friend and either a) blocked me or b) ignored me. If you see yourself here (and I really tried to blur these images, I'm just not that good with PhotoShop), know that I'm giving real thought into adding you as a friend. Aren't you thinking the same?
So and So Are Now Friends
Oh, really, Facebook? How do YOU know that? Just because someone accepts a friend request here that doesn't mean that they are just now friends! You really have some nerve! Maybe we've been friends in the real world for a long time, it's just that one of us finally got around to joining your little club and have connected here. Did you ever think about THAT?!?

Other peeves:

• Like. I like things. I also dislike things. Why isn't that an option?
• Ads. I have NEVER seen a web ad and thought, "I have to get some of that." So how about you stop putting those singles ads on my page? I have no interest in meeting someone who lifted a model's picture off the web and posted it as his own. Also, those weight loss ads are creepy. I do not believe the person in the before picture is the one in the after - unless you've found someone better at altering photos than yours truly.
• Live vs. News Feed. What the hell is this? Why can't you make up your mind? You either want to be like Twitter or you don't. Your inability to pick a side and stick with it is a turn off.
• Games. I do not want to play Farmville, Mafia Wars or any other game here. I am happy that FB is giving me the option to hide these requests. But, seriously, knock it off. I'm talking to you people who keep sending those requests.

Now, I know some of you are probably annoyed by my sometimes frequent updates, which come via Twitter. You can hide me. I won't know. But the truth is, I'm too lazy to update both Twitter & FB. Besides, I'm not really that interesting, so it's just easier for me to make one post and have it publish in two places (well, three if you count my blog).

So, there you have it, FB. I like you, but I don't like you like you. I am happy that I can share my photos and random life updates here. I love that I can hide status updates of people that I might ordinarily just unfriend (you know, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - don't say a word). I also like that I can snoop around and see what friends - and friends of friends - are doing with ease.

But stop with the creepiness. You reek of desperation. It's not cute.

XOXO,
Nicole

If That Basketball Thing Doesn't Work Out...

Manu could go into exterminating.

Now, someone get him tested for rabies!

Happy Hallowiener!

This year, my Mom picked up a little costume for Charley. You can see he's super happy to be wearing it.
I didn't want the cat to think he was immune from the shenanigans, so I made him wear it, too.
Before you report me for abusing my pets, let me just say that I force them to wear things because I think it's the only way you can remind the furry ones who's really in charge.

And one more thing... My friend, Michelle, has a very patient lab named Jackson. Notice how many poses she's able to get out of his Fall photo shoot.
I hope you and your little ghosts, goblins, slutty nurses, etc., have a happy Halloween. If you want to share your pictures, send 'em my way and I'll post 'em!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make a sign for my front door warning trick-or-treaters not to ring the doorbell as we all have swine flu. We don't, I just don't feel like hearing the doorbell ring all night. Plus, those Snickers are MINE.

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

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Week in Pop Culture

I just saw a picture of Miley Cyrus's little sister. Seriously hoping this is a Halloween costume.

I wonder what Khloe & Lamar Odom will do to cover this up after their divorce. What? It's gonna happen.

Dear Amy Winehouse: I get that you bought boobs and you're proud of them. But, um, maybe make sure your top will hold them before you leave home?

The economy is tough on 50 Cent. I mean, poor guy has to sell his old diamonds before he buys new ones. I'm crying for him. Really.

From the "It's so creepy it might be true" page - there could have been a Rangelina. Good luck getting that image out of your head.

Fellas, if you want to get a little bit of Jessica Simpson, here's what she wants (and it's not another drink or some guacamole).

In case you've forgotten, Chris Brown is still a douche.

Alec Baldwin's daughter ordered up the creepiest birthday cake.

Happy to report David Beckham isn't planning on hiding his handsome face forever.

Britney is the BEST lip syncer ever.

Wow.

This is amazing!

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She's The Best?

Now, I usually LOVE Annie Leibovitz's photos. So this is a bit of a disappointment.
That's it? Don't get me wrong. The Obamas are a lovely family (those girls are super cute!), but put Mom & Dad in a chair let the kids put their arms around them? That's the kind of photo you can have taken at Sears!

Consider some of Leibovitz's previous photos:


When I see those photos, I feel something. They're intimate. They're insightful. I could look at them all day and not get bored. The Obama family portrait doesn't do anything except make me think that's the photo you'd get in a new picture frame. Blah. It wasn't too long ago that she did these. Much more interesting.

Now, I'm hoping the First Family got some other photos out of the shoot (which I read was a freebie, so it didn't cost taxpayers a penny - which is interesting considering Leibovitz has money troubles, but whatever). If that's what's going out on their holiday card, people will probably be disappointed - not just because it's being published everywhere.

So, please, Ms. Leibovitz, give us more thoughtful photos and less of what any photographer with a screen background can do!

Week in Pop Culture

Elisabeth Hasselbeck showed off her new baby boy on "The View." Unlike her family, she did not share her nipple photo with the viewers. WHEW!

It seems the Octomom has a thing for douchebags.

Apparently, The Hoff is getting a reality show.

Whitney Houston went on a talent show and sang. No one seemed to care much about that. It was her wardrobe malfunction that got all the attention.

Non-gossip item: If you're not watching "Glee" (what's wrong with you?), then you're missing out on this kind of fun.

More Gleetastic news: Madonna is letting the musical show use songs from her catalog. Can't wait!!

You think I'm mean? A writer with the LA Times came up with a list of things she doesn't like about Vince Vaughn.

Rihanna confuses me. She has talent, but then she has to go and whore-it-up for attention.

Mischa Barton, whose TV show was canceled after about 30 seconds on air, says TV is not for her. That's like me saying booze before work is not for me. Well, it's not.

Because U2 loves its fans, the boys plan to stream their concert Sunday on the web.

Amy Winehouse got herself some boobs.

This might explain why kids want to be celebrities.

I don't know why I'm surprised celebrities have wedding registries.

Kids, if you ever needed an example of what happens when you abuse drugs, alcohol and, well, anything else, please see this. Then, just say no.

You Might Be Obsessed

I'm not naming names, but there are some people who keep sending me links to cute animals being, well, cute. So I dedicate this to you.

Now, get some help.