Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I See Weird People

Everywhere I go, I bump into strangers.

Not just people I don't know. I'm talking STRANGERS. Weirdos. Freaks.

I was going through a pile of stuff while elfing me and my furkids (see post below) and I came across a Target receipt from this weekend. It reminded me of something I wanted to post but didn't get to. So here's the story:

I'm am a product junkie. Even if I don't need any product of any kind, I will still cruise the aisles, just in case there's something out there I need (new face wash? nail polish? lip gloss? lotion?). So I'm pushing my basket down the aisle and there's a pole in the middle of the lane. I try pushing my basket around the right because there's a person on the left with a basket. My basket gets stuck. I have to pull it back, and just when I'm about to say "Excuse me" so I can pass, I pause.

It's no ordinary shopper looking at press on nails. IT'S A DUDE!

I stop. Turn to pretend to browse at whatever's on my right (makeup for people MUCH darker than yours truly). Then, I slowly turn around to get another peek: DUDE!

I watch, this time with everything but my eyes aimed at the nail polish. I watch him pick up package after package of fake nails and hold them next to his hand. For a second, I think about grabbing my phone and snapping a picture, but decide with my luck he'd catch me, so I leave my phone in my bag. Finally, he notices me behind him. He apologizes, slides his cart out of the way for me and then says, "Can I ask you a question?"

To myself, I say, "If anyone should be asking questions..." Out loud, I say, "Sure."

"Do they sell those stickers so you can do french tips on your manicure?" I look at him, glance down at his nails and say, "Um, I think you have to buy a kit." Then, I look at the products in front of him. I reach for a manicure pen and say, "This might work."

He takes it from me, turns it over, glances at the instructions and says, "I'll probably need help with this." I say, "I know I would."

He thanks me, then pushes his cart down another aisle. I shake my head and go back to looking at the nail polish (note to Target: PLEASE stock the current OPI colors!). Then, a woman who was on the same aisle comes up to me. "Was that guy buying nail products for himself?" I tell her, "Mmmhhhmmm. He needed white tips for his french manicure." She says, "Oh."

Oh.

I was tempted to follow him around the store to see if he tried squeezing his feet into lady pumps or grabbed bras to try on. Then, I realized I needed to finish my shopping and get home. After seeing "Twilight" at the first showing, I decided I had enough strangeness in my life for the day.

And it wasn't even 3:00!

4 comments:

Bernice said...

great post!
the target press-on dude might be interested in this...
http://tinyurl.com/6npdox
if you happen to bump into him again at target in, say, the hosiery aisle...

killian said...

trannies and drag queens want nice nails, too. :)

jayme said...

wow. i'm totally off your blogs list. does this mean we're not friends anymore? or that i'm not getting invited to your wedding, either?

say it ain't SO.

Nicole said...

jayme, that's weird. i added you back on there. no idea how that happend!