Because You Probably Missed This

I'm not sure why I can't get the embed code to work here, but here's my Golden Globes recap.

Awards Show Season Fun!

I love this time of year! It's not just the promise of cooler weather (not always a guarantee in South Texas). It's the REAL awards shows that make me happy! Sure, there are awards shows that happen at other times of the year, but I don't think most of them count. I don't think the celebrities think they count, either. Did you notice no one mentioned the MTV awards in Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson's obituaries? See. Doesn't count.

I'm especially excited about tonight's Golden Globes! Not only do we get a chance of a drunken celebrity acceptance speech (that ain't water they're sipping at those tables), but I finally got the awards show hosts I've asked for: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler!

PS - I've requested their hosting skills here. Not only are these ladies funny and spontaneous, they also have a little bit of awards show spirit. They've created a drinking game for tonight's show! Here are their rules if you're unable to click that link:

THR: OK, so can you come up with a couple of rules for a Globes drinking game?
Fey: Any time an actress cries in a speech, drink. Any time you see a person actively not listening to someone onstage, drink.
Poehler: Any time someone says, “I didn’t prepare anything!”
Fey: Any time anyone thanks Harvey Weinstein, eat a meatball sub.
THR: How about any time they show Judi Dench?
Fey: Yeah. You take off an article of clothing.
Poehler: Any time Maggie Smith wins.

I like those, but I also have my own. If you're too lazy to click the link (BTW, even I am not that lazy), here are my additions:

• Drink when a winner thanks his/her mom.
• When the accountants take the stage, drink when they start talking and don't stop until the music plays them out. Note: If you're new to drinking, skip this rule. It could kill you.
• Drink when the hosts get the giggles.
• Drink when the hosts or presenters sing.
• If a host, presenter or winner curses, read their lips, shout the curse word, then drink.
• Drink if you see a wardrobe malfunction (and this does not include a gorgeous celebrity in a bad dress - think nipple).

I have one more request: please don't play this or any other drinking game if you have to drive somewhere tonight. I am pretty sure the police will still take you to jail if you're drunk and you cite this game as the reason. Also, I'm not in the bail bonding business, so I can't help you.

Six Things I Learned From Tina Fey

It's rare that I finish a book in 24 hours (unless it's heavy on the pictures and light on the words). But it did not surprise me that I did that with this book.

First, let's talk about this book cover. It might be the best use of Photoshop I've ever seen - unless this is how Tina Fey really looks in her off time. If that's the case, the people at Spanx should get her to be their spokesperson because she looks much smaller everywhere else!

While I found this book funny, it also carried a lot of truths. I'm not considering this my new Bible, but I did learn a few things from it.

1. When your gay friend decides to tell what the world knows, you're not supposed to say things like "FINALLY!" or "What took you so long?" Clearly, I have been going about this all wrong. Tina says the correct responses is something along the lines of "Is everyone, like, freaking out? What a...wow."
2. Cruise ships are designed to kill you. If you don't know me, let me be VERY clear about this: I have no desire to take a vacation on a cruise ship. It's not just because I've seen Titanic and know how that ends. It's mostly because I don't enjoy buffets - or people who feel like they need to get their money's worth by shoveling in food until they pop (kind of like that true life story Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs). But, Tina (look, I've given her money, so that totally puts us on a first-name basis) honeymooned on a cruise. There was a fire. In the engine room. A result of a burst fuel pipe. Any of this sound like it should have a good ending? Well, Tina is alive and none of this was on the news, so it did. But when she says she told the story to a friend who had been a performer on a cruise ship, I learned something that will stay with me should I ever take a cruise. "Bravo is serious. The more times they say it, the more serious it is. The most times they ever say it is four times, and if they say it four times, it means you're going down to your watery grave." Her emergency required three "Bravos." Friends, do you have any idea how close we were to never knowing Liz Lemon? Count your blessings.
3. Size might not matter. Tina has been very skinny and a little bit fat. Her lessons from both: We should leave everyone alone about their weight. And then...
4. Stylists want non-models to be the size of models. So, when this appeared in my mailbox a few weeks ago, I thought, "WOW! Tina Fey kinda looks like a model!" Then, I read this and I will never look at a magazine the same again. "Once your hair and makeup are done, you'll slip into your first look. It will most definitely be one of the dresses that didn't even come close to fitting you, so Lot's Wife will bridge the gap with a thick piece of white elastic and some safety pins. Don't ever feel inadequate when you look at magazines. Just remember that every person you see on a cover has a bra and underwear hanging out a gaping hole in the back. Everyone. Heidi Klum, the Olsen Twins, David Beckham, everybody." And about Photoshop, an invention so great I want it in real life, Tina says, "I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society...unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool." I don't know how you get young girls to to look at magazines and understand those girls look perfect because of team of people have made them that way. Even the prettiest of models has insecurities. In fact, they probably don't even leave home without makeup so they don't wind up on a website saying, "Ew! Look at her - she's hideous!"
5. Dear Internet. If Tina is still trolling the internet looking to see what anonymous strangers write about her, I hope she finds this. I have nothing but love for her. Those strangers who got a response from Tina in her book should enjoy their new-found fame. In fact, they should put it to good use by writing a response from the safety of their mom's basements, where they no doubt troll celebrity sites looking to say mean things about people they secretly envy.
6. Shortest chapter contains the most honesty. This is it: I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do.

There are many more lessons to be had (though I don't remember one workplace story about tears - they totally don't belong there and if you cry at work I will totally judge you as a baby not worthy of my time). If you want those lessons, you'll have to buy the book. Or if you ask nicely, I might loan you my copy.

UPDATE: I found this note about tears in the workplace. You may sleep better now.

PS - plowing through this book has brought me even closer to my book goal for the year.

I like that Goodreads assumes I'll continue motoring through the rest of my books on my reading list - like they're all 300 pages or less!

The Pink Movie

I generally do not like chick flicks. I find them predictable and so silly that I think they set a bad example for women. Go ahead. Call me a feminist. I like to think I'm just picky. But, what happens in Hollywood that makes film people crank out a pink-tinted movie for each generation?

Before you get all judgy, I L-O-V-E "Grease!" I will watch it every time I see it on TV. But those Pink Ladies - they weren't stupid. They were tough. They didn't take crap from anyone. And while they had their T-Birds, they didn't seem to cling to them. Oh, how I wanted a pink satin jacket! I might still want one. Nothing wrong with these ladies (even the mean part of them - Sandy needed to toughen up! She would have never made it in the "real" world!). 


And in my youth, there was one actress who was all about the pink:

Molly Ringwald did many things for young girls. She made it OK for redheads to wear pink. She was the perfect outsider, trying to get by in world where everyone with money seemed perfect, eventually learning that her life was pretty good. I can't imagine my youth without John Hughes and Ms. Molly. The movies were silly, but I never felt like they were dumbed down. There was no damsel in distress. She did always get the guy she wanted. But I never got the feeling that life would not be OK if she didn't.


Along came the '90s. Dumb girls in pink became the rage.

I have nothing against "Clueless." It's cute and sassy. Side note: I thought every one of those girls might have a movie career. I guess they did, too. But Cher's love of fashion and the color pink were funny in a "Oh, isn't she adorable?" way. Would I want Cher to come to my house and organize my closet? Yes. Would I want Cher to go shopping with me (as long as she had Daddy's credit card)? Yes. Would I call Cher my friend? No.


Last decade, there was one movie that I liked - despite the pink.

Every single one of them is in pink. And at some point in the movie, I hated each one of them. Not because of the color, but because of their behavior. I guess since I haven't been in high school this decade, I wanted to yell at those girls, "None of that matters!" But, I realize that's what the movie was really about. I doubt teenage girls took that from the film. I saw it mainly because of Tina Fey. If she hadn't written that movie, there's a very good chance I would have skipped it.


Oh, one more pink explosion in the 2000s.

Reese Withserspoon is adorable. Love her. But she is so much better than this! I have loved her in serious movies ("Man in the Moon" - if you haven't seen it, do it now). But silly movies like this just seem so commercial, like she figured she could get a decent payday. I want more "Walk The Line" and less chick flick, please.


And, now, here comes another one.

That's Ashley Tisdale. I know she's the girl from "High School Musical." I don't know much about this movie she's shooting, but I can only assume it's about some spoiled girl who has bad things happen to her. Also, I predict lots of sad faces - and I'm not just talking about the moviegoers. 


If Hollywood was a little more responsible for the films it turns out, I might get on board with these movies targeting ladies. But because they keep cranking out mediocre crap (and people keep seeing those movies), it seems to be good enough. I'm not saying you should avoid all of these movies. I'm just saying if you stop and think about what you're paying to see before you decide to waste a few hours in the theater seeing a movie with a predictable start, middle and end, we'll get better choices. 


And maybe, the actresses will branch out and wear a color other than pink.

You Probably Missed It

But Tina Fey was dead-on as Sarah Palin. See for yourself here.