9AM: Drove to Time Warner office to exchange DVR. The old one's hard drive was a liar. It claimed 4 hourlong shows were all it could handle. Tech support said the technical term was something along the lines of a fried hard drive. Learned they don't like their equipment called a liar. Could be why they said they didn't have any whole house DVRs and sent me to another location.
9:45AM: Pick up replacement DVR. Ask if I have to do anything other than plug it in. Employee says no.
10:25AM: Return home. Plug in new DVR. Realize I was lied to and have to program new remote. TV code works, can't get DVR to talk to anything.
10:50AM: Cursed at cat for attacking the only instructions I have - for the remote. Call tech support. I try to answer without saying, "What was that?" every time "Rob" gave instructions. He has me unplug video cables and I realize I'M stupid. I mixed up the blue and green cables. Then, Rob does some magic from his computer while talking me through programming the DVR with the remote.
11:30AM: Get ready for work (shower, lunch, "Boardwalk Empire").
2PM: Take first sip of peppermint mocha.
2:05PM: Discover mocha splash on white shirt. Use stain stick. Now have white stuff around stain. Rinsing doesn't make it better.
2:50PM: Discover two more mocha splashes. Inspection of lid finds hole and small pool of mocha. Think bad thoughts about Starbucks.
3:20PM: Try to turn my luck around by putting white shirt on backwards. Show coworkers I am magically stain-free.
7:10PM: Decision to eat anything with color was a bad one. Sauce from my Chinese food has dropped onto the back of my white shirt (which I proudly made the front of my shirt earlier).
10:55PM: Highway signs warn of closure. It's not on my route. Suddenly see arrow indicating a lane closure. Without warning, the highway goes from four lanes to one. Takes almost 10 minutes to clear this random/surprise construction zone.
11:20PM: Hear beeping. Walk under last smoke detector that had a dying battery and warn it by saying, "I WILL PUNCH YOU IF YOUR BATTERY DIED IN LESS THAN THREE MONTHS!" Lucky for it, the problem is in another room. Lucky for me, it's not one of the two alarms I can't reach from my ladder.
11:35PM: Sit down to start writing recap of "Dancing With The Stars, All-Stars." New DVR is a naughty bastard. It skipped the recording. Email work to find replacement.
11:50PM: Reach to turn off living room light and it moves. I scream. I look near switch to see small gecko. It slithered away. I wished it luck because my cat likes to torture lizards to near death, then he abandons them.
Can't remember when I last had such a stupid Monday. Hope I don't have another one again. Well, at least not for a while.
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