Nicole's World

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Welcome to Paradise, Now Go To Hell

Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell: A True Story of Violence, Corruption, and the Soul of Surfing by Chas Smith

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

"Yes, danger is sexy and I am cursed to forever chase it."

I should have known when I read that line that this book is the adventure I could never take in any form but this.

First of all, I don't go in the ocean. It's a huge place and I have such an appreciation for the life there that I don't want it to take a nibble just to see if I'm edible (for the record: I am but I am probably not as tasty as something with scales or the ability to live under water).

Second, I definitely do not surf. I grew up on the coast and knew plenty of surfers, but they were nice. Clearly NOT pro material.

There are many things in this book that are unlikable. The surfers. Chas's description of himself. The near-scientific descriptions of beaches and waves.

But there are many things that are perfectly likable. The fact that these people get paid to go to a beach and do something they like. The picturesque scenery. Even, in his own special way, Eddie.

This book did not make me want to take up surfing. It did not make me want to make eye contact with anyone who surfs. It did give me a greater respect for the people who get up on that board and risk it all for a ride on a wave. And anytime I think my job is hard, I'll just think of how challenging it is to be a part of the surfing world. I'd say they deserve a medal but it seems not getting eaten by a shark, drowned by a massive wave or beaten to death by a Hawaiian native is honorable enough. OH, PLEASE LET THAT KEEP EDDIE OFF MY TAIL!!!

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Saturday, December 28, 2013

Broken BAD

Putting aside all the things I should/could be doing this weekend, I've chosen to watch the Breaking Bad marathon.

Even though I watched this show from the very beginning (I wasn't late to the game like so many of you because I win at choosing TV shows), I couldn't resist the chance to watch the whole series in its entirety. I might have missed a few shows due to sleep and pancakes and such, but I haven't changed the channel while the show has been on.

But that's REALLY hard to do at times.

Not because I've seen these episodes before, but because of the same commercials that keep playing over and over and over.

HEB keeps running an ad showing a post-delivery Santa enjoying a bit of time off. Then it mentions blackberries for less than a dollar. EVERY time I see it, I think, "Wow! Those crappy phones are super cheap!" Then I realize they're literally talking about berries that are black (NOTE: I don't measure my berries by color, I judge them by sweetness because I'm not racist).
There's a promo for a New Year's Eve/Day marathon of The Walking Dead. I love this show, but the promo makes me all shouty. Why? Because it starts with one of my writing peeves: "The year may be almost over..." NO! It IS! There's no MAY BE about it! And since this marathon is actually running on the last day of 2013 and the first day of 2014, I think that makes the scheduling official.
I love pets. A LOT. I have a cat and a dog and they're both rescues. But every single time those ASPCA ads play, I can't help but reach for the remote/walk out of the room/find my happy place to avoid those spots. I mean, the sad music, the slow pictures of dogs and cats that have been neglected/abused/abandoned - it's just too much! I'm watching a show about a teacher and his flunkie student who make meth and kill people who get in their way. I'm clearly not in a place where I want to see animals these two would probably run over if they saw them in the street.
And on that note, there are a couple of different charities trying to get viewers to donate to feed the children or buy drugs to make them healthy. How about they save those ads for more appropriate shows?
Dating site commercials are on my list. It wasn't until the other day when I saw a commercial on a totally different channel for Black People Meet that I realized these dating sites only show white people looking for love online. I'm now officially tired of seeing white (allegedly) single people talking about how they want to find someone nice (liars). I actually prefer the ads I see late at night on Comedy Central where girls say they're looking for sugar daddies or hookups. At least they're honest.

But I did get to take a bit of time out of watching the marathon to make this:

So there's that.

Monday, December 23, 2013

2013: The Twelfth Day of Christmas

I can't even begin to tell you how much I love sparkly things! I haven't always been this way, but in the last few years if it doesn't sparkle, it has to work REALLY hard to make me want it. It's like I've been addicted to glitter bombing (and I don't even own a glitter cannon - YET)! So this last gift is something that would win be over for years to come.

For $1.85 million, I won't just get a magnificent 25-carat rough cut diamond, I get an adventure (for two, of course)!

This is part of the Forevermark Ultimate Diamond Experience.

The fun starts in London.

Once there, you'll receive your exceptional diamond in its rough and uncut form, name your diamond, learn about the unique inscription it will receive, and meet the master craftsman who will hand-cut and polish it to perfection.

A private tour of The Crown Jewels and dinner with De Beers CEO Philippe Mellier and Forevermark CEO Stephen Lussier in the Tower of London follow. Your journey continues on a vessel off Namibia's coast, where your diamond was discovered deep within the ocean floor. You'll then explore rough-diamond sorting houses and a children's community project, where the local population benefits from Forevermark's responsible sourcing of diamonds.

Then, it's off to New York to create a setting for that fabulous diamond!

Oh, please SOMEONE buy this for me! It will be the best something sparkly I've ever encountered! LIFE CHANGING!

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Sunday, December 22, 2013

2013: The Eleventh Day of Christmas

I love movies so much it's a little crazy. I might even love them more than TV (with a few exceptions). I just don't have as much time for movies. But I could change that if you bought me this.

It's the Ultimate Outdoor Entertainment System!

That's a 201 inch C SEED waterproof screen. It's $1.5 million (with $10,000 going to charity), but it's not like they just drop this off at your house and run (like my usual deliveries).

A true audio- and video-phile's dream, the system includes technologically advanced speakers, subwoofers, and amplifiers that project unparalleled sound, a DirecTV® satellite and DVD management system, and a built-in movie package featuring up to 300 movies and concerts (The American Film Institute's 100 Most Thrilling American Films and 100 Greatest Love Stories, the remaining 100 are your choice). Oh, and that never-ending argument over who controls the remote? Not an issue—two Apple® mini iPads™ serve as the remotes; one for him and one for her. The entire system is delivered at your doorstep and includes installation and programming.

I'll even let you pick at least 50 of those additional movies! See? It's a gift we can both enjoy!

I do need one more thing: this yard. Mine probably isn't big enough for this. Maybe I can just put it in the living room and open the windows to pretend like I'm outside? At least that would keep the bugs away!

I'll start the popcorn!

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Saturday, December 21, 2013

2013: The Tenth Day of Christmas

It's not even a secret, but I really wish I could be James Bond. Not a dude, but fearless. I think this would be a big step for me.

That's the 2014 Aston Martin Vanquish Volante.

Just a car to some of you. But it's one of only 10 made. And if you've ever seen a Bond movie, this is THE car he drives (and usually crashes so terribly I cry a little on the inside every time). It's not just pretty. I think some might say it's pretty fantastic.

Handbuilt in Gaydon, England, your Vanquish Volante sports a 100% carbon fiber shell—the first ever in Aston Martin's history—allowing for a much lighter car with greater torsional and structural rigidity, while enhancing safety, performance, and handling. A new, naturally aspirated 6.0-liter, V-12 engine produces some 565 horsepower and is tuned to deliver 457 pound-feet of torque, available and accessible throughout the rev range to deliver an enhanced performance feel. The engine sends the drive strictly to the rear wheels via a six-speed Touchtronic 2 automatic transmission, making acceleration smooth, steady, and, above all, responsive.

Now I don't pretend to understand all of that. I know that it is fast. I know that I will get a ticket when I drive it. I know there is a passenger seat so you could go for a ride with me. Heck, if you're spending $344,500 on me, I'll let you drive it! Bonus: a portion of the sale goes to charity.

Let's take a really fast road trip (without one of those Bond endings)!

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Friday, December 20, 2013

2013: The Ninth Day of Christmas

Danger is NOT my middle name. However, your super kind ($750,000) gift could make me reconsider.

I'm not saying I would ride this Indian Larry's "Wild Child" motorcycle, but I'd at the very least stand next to it, maybe even sit on it (carefully). I wouldn't dare take it out for a spin because I haven't taken a spin on a bicycle in years, so this could end terribly for me and - some might say - the bike.

I could take a picture on this and photoshop myself on an open highway so people would think I'm a major badass! If you present me with the proper credentials, I might let you take it out for a ride. Just don't go too fast! This bike is worth more than my house!

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Thursday, December 19, 2013

2013: The Eighth Day of Christmas

I never knew I needed to be a master falconer until today.

THIS BIRD IS DRESSED LIKE AN AVIATOR!!!

This $150,000 gift is not just a chance to get up close to birds that are clearly too cool for the flock. We'd get this:

That trunk is loaded with canvas chairs, a table, those bird perches and this:

BOOZE AND CIGARS!!!

Looking at this video of a pretty blonde girl, it appears to be supremely cool to walk with giant birds! So, let's do this!

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

2013: The Seventh Day of Christmas

I can appreciate a gorgeous home. This is one of them.

The Glass House is in New Canaan, Connecticut. I would definitely NOT throw stones at it! I wouldn't get to keep this house forever, but this is a $30,000 gift we could share!

The Glass House and its bucolic surroundings are yours to explore upon arrival. Get up-close-and-personal access to the life and style of one of the twentieth century's most revered visionaries as you wander among the 14 architectural structures, study his world-class modern painting and sculpture collection, visit the private library, and stroll through the 49 acres of landscaped grounds.
As evening descends, your dinner guests begin to arrive. Up to ten of your nearest and dearest will join you at Philip Johnson's table for a locally sourced, multicourse culinary experience.
The meal comes to a close, you bid adieu to your guests, and retire to the bedroom with a perfect view of the surrounding forest and the manifestation of Philip Johnson's most beautiful dream.

So can we go? CAN WE? PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSE?

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Tuesday, December 17, 2013

2013: The Sixth Day of Christmas

TRUE STORY: I have lived in my house for six years and have two pieces of art on the walls. That's why I could really use this.

Venus Rising by Jeff Koons.

I keep staring at this trying to figure out what the heck she's doing. You guys, this might be the thing that could break my TV habit!!!

It's an ode to Dom Perignon's Rose vintage 2003. I wish this came with at least one bottle! With a $20,000 price tag, they could at least throw in a little bit of bubbly!!!

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