Week In Pop Culture

Look, y'all! Amy Winehouse is still alive!

The new cast for Celebrity Apprentice seems like a mashup of Celebrity Rehab and "I don't know how I got here, but my agent is totally fired."

There is apparently a contract battle over Desperate Housewives.

An actress I totally forgot about is pregnant.

Here's a peek at the new Spiderman.

I now know the meaning behind this bizarre face tattoo. I still think this rapper will regret that some day.

Martha Stewart's dog might be trying to kill her.

Thanks to this, I know more than I ever needed to know about Sting and Trudie Styler.

Break out your shoulder pads for this movie.

Here's an example of fine parenting.

Look who's a new spokesmodel!

Playboy Bunny fight?

A group of musicians had their drug-filled cruise interrupted.

I don't get this.

Jenny Craig has a new spokesperson.

This is fun!

Nuthin' But A Glee Thang with Heather Morris, Matthew Morrison & Sofia Vergara from Heather Morris

I could almost screech about this SYTYCD news!

New celebrity baby!

Nicole Kidman admits to what we already knew.

The Green Hornet is based on a socialite?

There's a very real possibility Charlie Sheen will die or his wiener will fall off.

Now you know...

This interview makes me excited for the return of Parks and Recreation.

Good news: there will be a new Bond movie. Bad news: must wait nearly two years for it. :(

I didn't get the fascination with this actress until I saw that she posed in see-through panties.

Love at first sight is not something I usually believe in, but this story might change my mind.

I don't know that this is the example to set for young girls.

I don't love her movies, but I do love her awesome body.

Something is wrong when this girl is being told to lose weight.

I'm not sure who dumped who, but Courtney Love and Twitter are no more.

Jay-Z has invested in a new business.

Here's how Ricky Gervais gets ready for the Golden Globes.

It looks like Eva Longoria is erasing the reminder of her failed marriage.

I totally don't  understand this bathing suit.

This singer is pregnant.

Rachel Zoe is having the most fashionable boy.

This photo of Steve Martin and his wife makes me happy.

That Ashton Kutcher is trying to change the world - even if it makes you feel icky.

Vanilla Ice tries to stay relevant by talking about his days with Madonna.

Owen Wilson is going to be a dad. (?) And one of his exes is pregnant, too.

Marion Cotilliard is pregnant.

Michael Douglas says he beat cancer.

Fellas, Shakira is single.

My interest in that Dallas reboot is rising.

I think this is Jessica Simpson's supermodel face.

Orlando Bloom is a daddy.

Britney Spears has a new song.

Two celebrities are related to the Tucson shooting victims.

This made me giggle.

Good and confusing news from AMC.

The Kardashians are being sued.

This miniseries has potential.

Africa is holding Jermain Jackson hostage.

This DWTS hottie is a "Bachelor" in his home country.

Glee just keeps getting better!

This news makes me happy AND sad at the same time.
WOW!

The History Channel said no to Katie Holmes' Jackie O. mini-series. And The Cruises are apparently supersensitive.

Can't Eva Longoria catch a break?

Sarah Palin's TV series is a one-hit wonder.

Yikes. An Oscar winner's next film won't be seen on the big screen.

I'm kind of glad this show won't be coming back to TV.

This star couple is expecting baby number 4.

This funny lady is pregnant.

Don't look for Joan Rivers on the red carpet anymore.

Rest in peace, David Nelson.

Cases Closed?

Around 4:30 this morning, I thought I heard that familiar beep. It seemed so far away. I let the dog out, brought him in from the cold, then climbed back into bed.

BEEP.

I was too tired to get out the ladder and check the smoke alarm, so I turned on my TV to block out the beeping and managed to sleep off and on until 8:30.

Then, I walked around and realized the beeping was coming from the same part of the house as last time. I climbed on the ladder and changed the smoke alarm battery in my office.

BEEP.

I walked into the guest bedroom, changed the alarm in there.

BEEP.

Convinced it could not be the hall alarm, which I changed a few weeks ago, I called my home alarm company. It took a couple of phone calls (kept getting disconnected while testing the alarm - which apparently you're supposed to do monthly), but that wasn't the problem. Then, as I stood in the hallway, I heard it.

BEEP.

I climbed up on the ladder and stood next to it.

BEEP.

That damn hallway alarm! It was beeping! I called it a few not-so-nice names, then grabbed another battery and replaced it.

FINALLY - SILENCE!

I guess I must have had a dud Duracell battery. Or not. I probably won't find out until the next round of sleep is interrupted by beeping.

Once I solved that mystery, I was on to another one: WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

I kept noticing something that didn't smell 100% poopy, but was mostly foul. I checked the trash can and it didn't spot anything with food on it. I checked the pantry to make sure nothing had exploded and spoiled. I hunted under the furniture in case one of the pets left me a present. Then, because he was bothered by the beeping and pretty much under my feet, I turned to the dog. I picked him up and immediately said, "IT'S YOU!"

I told him he needed a bath and apparently he agreed. He followed me into the bathroom, sat down and waited to be lifted into the tub. To make sure he got extra clean, I gave him a squirt of lemon-scented shower gel (for humans), which turned the whole event into a bubble bath.

Charley actually likes a bath. He immediately drinks the water, then as I get to sudsing him up , he stands still while I scrub every bit of him. He doesn't even mind when I pour water over his head to get the soap off of him. I think his favorite part is the post-bath toweling, followed by the post-bath laps around the house and post-bath nap, which he's enjoying as I write this.

All of this happened before 10AM. That's too much too soon! I still have a full day of work ahead of me. And if I come home to beeping tonight, I just might go completely crazy. Now, excuse me while I Google "how to destroy smoke alarm."

Ten Things

No matter how many movies or TV interviews I see, I always find myself giggling at Russell Brand.

Maybe it's because I find his drunken, drugged-up, man whoring ways a bit silly. Seriously, that seems to be his thing.

But a look at his Twitter feed reveals he's not really that guy. Here are ten things I learned from/about Russell, AKA rustyrockets.

Clearly, he likes movies. Or, like yours truly, has dreams/Tweets that are easily influenced by whatever he's just seen. TRUE STORY: I saw The Fighter, Black Swan, True Grit and The King's Speech in a two week period. I had a dream that I was a stuttering boxer who fought a bearded outlaw by a swan-filled lake. On second thought, maybe Mr. Brand just liked Christian Bale's character in The Fighter. Might be the only dude skinnier than him. On a related note, his repeated requests for condoms shows he's a safety guy (though it's kind of strange and creepy for a grown man to ask his mum to send condoms).

I'm not sure if he's making the case for or against 3D TV. While I do like a good tranny sighting, I'm not sure that I'm ready to see one in my living room while watching TV. Wait. Does this mean there's a tranny channel in 3D or does one appear when you turn on the TV? I'm confused. I don't know why I'm worried about this. One of those TVs is way out of my price range and I'm not exactly excited about wearing silly glasses while I watch TV.

Oh, good! A public service announcement! I hope that people who have those problems didn't think this Tweet was meant for a giggle.

That settles one of life's mysteries.

This actually raises more questions than it answers. Are his farts like those dogs at the airport, sniffing out other things? Is he saying his farts have an odor? And if so, is it sweet - like roses - or foul - like death? Inquiring minds...

That's very similar to the look my cat gives me when I wake up to find him inches from my face - like he's willing me to wake up (or not depending on the day).

Don't say no one told you this. Now you know.

Seriously. I don't know what it is about today's society that people can't just wait to let things take their natural course. People are so impatient that they feel like they must hurry things along.

Even if Elmo started it, I'm pretty sure my favorite red, furry friend keeps it above the belt. This is an episode of Sesame Street that would clearly require a warning and perhaps a visit from Dr. Drew to discuss "good touch, bad touch" and "when your privates go public."

And now I am totally excited about the new Arthur movie!

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Love Is A Mix Tape

It's rare that a book sits on my wishlist for so long that I wait years to read it. And I have no good excuse for not getting around to this one sooner.

Seeing that stack of cassette tapes on the cover of Rob Sheffield's book brought back memories. Ever notice how it almost looks like the tapes have faces - the spools of tape look like sad eyes, the kind that beg you to take them back (even if you have no place to play them). They're like old friends who have said no to Botox. They won't change no matter what.

Kids today have probably never touched a cassette tape. They will never know the sadness of popping in a cassette only to have it - and your favorite songs - chewed up by a player. They will never appreciate the random pairing of songs on a tape that happens to include a few snippets of the DJ talking over the song as it was recorded from the radio. Note: this is almost impossible these days as many radio stations are run by robots, not people who actually press play.

Sure, kids can create a playlist, even record it on a CD, but it's not the same. I think Sheffield says it best:

You go back to a cassette the way a detective sits and pours drinks for the elderly motel clerk who tells stories about the old days -- you know you might be somewhat bored, but there might be a clue in there somewhere. And if there isn't, what the hell? It's not a bad time. 

To say this book is an ode to the cassette tape is an injustice. It's about one man's love lost suddenly. It's about a life lived through music - good, cheesy and even bad. I had not heard of many of the songs listed through this brief biography. It doesn't mean I can't relate to the emotion a song brings from the very first beat. I love music almost as much as I love chocolate and naps. But I will never eat a piece of chocolate or take a nap and remember a very specific part of my life the way I always will with music.

I will forever be grateful to the artists who have provided my life soundtrack. I will also be grateful to Mr. Sheffield for reminding me that no matter what life gives and takes away, the rhythm will always get me. I will always be footloose. I will not stop until I get enough. I should be dancing. I will not stop believing. And I will never get tired of this book.

Week In Pop Culture

Ladies, if you like this, you'll love this.

If you were holding out for a Friends reunion, maybe you should get another hobby.

Soon, you can smell like Rihanna.

This young actress has slimmed down - but don't look at her.

Aretha Franklin says she's all good now.

Kathie Lee Gifford will never read this.

Why don't actors who drink hire a driver? See this mugshot for a reason why they should.

ICYMI: The People's Choice Awards were this week.

Look closely for the baby bump.

Hmmm... Not sure I'd take fashion advice from a 4-year-old.

Sean Penn's divorce wasn't cheap.

Oh, this is probably not a good idea (or likely to be a good seller).

Elton John is the biological father of his son.

That girl who doesn't want to be called Snooki wakes up in trash cans. Of course she does.

I'm sure this living situation was just a smidge uncomfortable.

Nick Lachey's assistant might be ... Nick Lachey?

Courtney Love's Twitter rant has gotten her in some legal trouble.

Eva Longoria suffered a makeup malfunction.

I really hope Betty White doesn't mean this.

Roseanne is old.

Take a break and watch this.

ATTENTION ACTORS: If you're making a lot of money, you definitely need to hire someone to make sure your taxes are paid.

This story is sweet (but why is Jennifer Aniston doing the interview?).

Hey! Montel Williams is alive!

This news does not make me want to see Burlesque.

Actress + Rapper = Happily Ever After?

Unless your name is Beyonce, don't do this.

I'm suddenly not looking forward to seeing this magazine in my mailbox.

From what I've heard on The View, this lady needs some lovin' - and it appears she's got it.

This couple has already called it quits.

I don't know if this is true, but if it is, LeAnn Rimes is stupid.

Look, Lady Gaga, I'm gonna buy your album. You don't have to do this. And this kind of freaks me out.

Friends, please don't buy Snooki's book. Just read this.

Jason Schwartzman has a new baby.

This singer's reality show already sounds boring.

Are these two really "just friends?"

Each week, I'm a little more impressed by  James Franco.

I cannot believe this actress turned 50!

This is how Fergie does vacation.

I want Drew Barrymore's new house.

His reality show was canceled, but The Hoff is still working.

Oh, young, rich love.

Not sure that I buy this is Kathy Griffin's reason for targeting a teenager.

The Jolie Pitts aren't just saving children, they're saving animals now, too.

That girl with the annoying voice is single.

Yikes! Chuck Berry collapsed on stage.

Bad news for Zsa Zsa Gabor.

I don't think these people understand 30 Rock is fiction.

Happy New Year.

Lindsay Lohan is back on Twitter. And she's out of rehab, so hide your drugs, America! But she may be headed to jail anyway.

This weirdo entered rehab.

This guy didn't waste any time moving on.

This seems like a strange way to parent, Elton John.

Valerie Bertinelli tied the knot. So did Shania Twain. So did this country singer. So did this rocker.

Rest in peace, Gerry Rafferty.

R.I.P. Anne Francis.

Also, R.I.P. Bill Erwin.

And R.I.P. Pete Postlethwaite.

You Asked For It!

Sometimes, you see a hot car.

You know, the car you might spend your lottery winnings on. Or the car you park next to and think, just for a second, about hitting it with your car door (THE NERVE OF SOMEONE DRIVING A CAR LIKE THAT!).

Not that I've done that.

But you know what's worse than seeing a hot car? Seeing one with this license plate.

Oh? You want me to take a picture of your car? Is that why the license plate says FOTO 4 U? 


Done.

And, sporty car owner, you should know, that's pretty douchebaggy of you. But I guess you win - if you ever see this post.

BTW - I must thank Adam for sending this to me months ago. I've been busy and haven't taken the time to mock those with personalized license plates. I'M BAAAAAAAAACK!

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• OMG 46
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L-O-V-E This!

If this doesn't at the very least make you smile, we can no longer be friends.

PS - I want a panda.

Loving Hating Olivia

Every now and then, a book comes my way that I never could have imagined I would love. Then, came this.

The idea of a book written by a man with a title like that sounded interesting. Especially since the subtitle said it was a love story.

I have written here a few times that I am generally opposed to romantic comedies because of their predictable endings. I don't mind getting a giggle out of them, I just hate that they give women the wrong ideas about everything. However, I just couldn't skip this book - love and hate on the cover? How could things go right?

From the moment Max meets Olivia, I knew no good would come of this. I found myself shouting at Max to walk away (never, ever has this changed the outcome of a book, TV show or movie - yet I continue to try to change their courses). Max didn't listen to me. Nope. He was too wrapped up in the crazy S-E-X - which, by the way seemed to happen at least once per chapter. Despite every sign of her craziness, Max was blind to reality.

Unemployed and bills piling up? Just have some sex.

Your girl lets you meet her crazy family - and you still don't think you should run like the wind? Just have some sex.

Your friends and acquaintances advise you to get the hell out of the relationship. Just have some sex.

Your girl constantly calls you a loser and cheats on you. Just have some sex.

Every time, I kept thinking this guy would snap to it. I have known people like Max. I have ended friendships with people like Max because I couldn't stand to see the self-destruction (and those friends have walked away from me rather than hear the truth). But, I only knew Max from the pages of the book, so I could only hope he'd be OK in the end. And if he wasn't, well, it was just a book.

But those pages ... Mark SaFranko's words kept me glued to every chapter! I finished the book in less than two days. Yes, it's not a very long book, but that is still a feat in my list of feats. While I had moments of wanting to punch Max (I didn't - the book isn't very big and I would have hurt myself attempting it), I still liked him. Unlike Olivia, I wanted him to succeed. Max may not have gone on to have the career he wanted, but he still became the better person for trying.

I had no idea that a book with such a smart, nasty title could teach me a lesson found on those annoying motivational posters:

Because if you do, you'll be just fine.

New Year, New Month, New Movies

Hello, 2011! Last year, you gave me so many good movies, I'm afraid I may have seen all the Oscar contenders! Let's see what January debuts may lure me to the theater...

The Company Men

Since I have recently decided to give Ben Affleck another chance (Gigli is not forgotten), I'm interested in this movie. Also, Kevin Costner is in this. What the hell has he been up to?

Biutiful

Javier Bardem is a father who can read the minds of the newly dead? Yes, please.

Wow. That's it? I guess I'll spend the month catching up on Netflix!

I'll Pass On:

• Season Of The Witch 
• The Green Hornet
• The Dilemma
• No Strings Attached 
• The Mechanic
• The Rite