I See Strange Things

I've stumbled into a few more oddities. Some you may think you need - but I promise you really don't. So let's take a look at what I've found.

Lady Gaga Paper Doll
Don't get me wrong, I love me some Lady Gaga. Really. I do. And while, like Gaga, I want you to be as free as your hair, this paper doll kit will not put you on the "Edge of Glory." It may very well get you a trip to a mental hospital. Wait. Let me think about that. Quiet time at a place where you don't have to do chores? Sounds like a good vacation.

This may be fine for adults. For kids? I would really worry about a paper doll kit that comes with a pancake bra and bacon and egg panty. I have no beef with the Etch-a-Sketch panty, though I think it might not be accurate (or maybe it looks that way to be a little more discreet?).

Now, if someone can tell me where I can get a dog top like the one in this sketch, I may have some shopping to do!

Junderpants
Now, of all the silly things to do with stretchy fabric that looks like denim wear, this takes the panties. And I just realized I've talked about panties twice in this post. To my friends who don't like the word "panties," I half-heartedly apologize.


I am not convinced pajama jeans are a good idea. But seeing what happened when the ladies at Jezebel tried these junderpants, I am convinced these are a horrible idea. This shows how this normal-sized lady can't get crack-less coverage in these things. And look at how they fit! Could they make the butt look less cute? Don't ladies. Just don't.

Solar-Powered Bikini
Look. I love that more people are taking advantage of the sun. I would completely go solar at my house if someone gave me $20,000. But as much as I hate it when my iPod's battery goes kaput (listening to the radio is almost like waterboarding - without the wet), I would not dare risk a sunburn just to keep listening to my tunes or playing Words With Friends.

Don't even think of taking this in the pool. It's probably not meant for that or beach trips. And it looks hot. Not like "sexy" hot, but "my God, am I having a heat stroke" hot.

Also, by the looks of this bikini, you need to have  your breasts inflated. Hidden cost the iKini people aren't telling you. I am. You're welcome.

People Popsicles
Let's get one thing straight: I LOVE POPSICLES!

Heck, I'm even a bit intrigued by the flavor of this one.

But the idea of eating a popsicle with a face is super creepy. I have no desire to lick an actual person's face, let alone one that comes from a mold of either a real person or a movie/animated creature. Click the link in the title to see more of the shapes. Can you imagine sucking on a Marilyn Monroe popsicle? If your answer is yes, please don't tell me/post pictures/make a youtube video of it. And if you know me, please keep it to yourself forever or we can't be friends anymore. The flavors this company has sound amazing and from the looks of the photos, these things are huge! Unless they come in normal shapes, I can't do it. Not unless they're heavy on the vodka, light on the cranberry and I pass out at the end.

For more don'ts, click here.

Week In Pop Culture

When doesn't Christie Brinkley look great? NOTE: Wind was blowing up her dress, she was NOT doing the pee pee dance.

This is not Alicia Keys' best look.

Not that the Espys are important awards, but it was an excuse for some ladies to show off their goodies.

Kate Hudson chose a pretty random name for her new son.

Lindsay Lohan says she would have been perfect in Black Swan.

Jake Gyllenhaal came a little too close to crime.

I love these ladies on Community. In this magazine layout - not so much.

Kelly Osbourne did a little bit of crime fighting.

I don't know why I'm excited about the Emmy Awards. But these reactions to the nominations are pretty funny.

I am undecided about seeing the new Bourne movie without Matt Damon.

Those Glee kids will graduate.

I will not believe any Brad and Angelina are getting married story until I see a marriage certificate.

Daniel Baldwin is getting divorced.

Heidi Klum is bendy.

R. Kelly is losing his home.

In case you were wondering, Chris Brown is still a jerk.

Perhaps Roseanne doesn't like movies because she never made a good one?

This new couple is interesting. So is this one.

I'm not surprised one of the Olsens smokes, just disappointed.

Sarah Jessica Parker has turned her twins into mini-models.

Jessica Alba doesn't want you to see her in a bikini.

Ted Danson is headed to network TV.

Pretty ladies struggle through workouts, too!

Mila Kunis earned some serious cool points (and perhaps set a scary precedent). Now, I take the cool points away.

Rihanna covered Sweet Home Alabama.

I am SO going to watch this next summer!

Desperate Housewives could be on the way out.

Courtney Cox is sharing beauty tips online.

Does this make you want to hear Jennifer Lopez's new single?

Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting some movie work.

Read this Helena Bonham Carter story at your own risk.

WOW! Jaclyn Smith and Lynda Carter look awesome!

Russell Crowe is tweeting his diet.

Remember Sinead O'Connor?

I can't believe Cindy Crawford's daughter is not a model (yet).

If you think you don't need to wear sunblock, please see Rosie O'Donnell.

Not surprised Octomom can't control her kids. The actual surprise: no one has taken them away from her.

James Franco is still not taking responsibility for his awful Oscars hosting stint.

Halle Berry's life has become a horror film.

I'm officially excited about the Knocked Up sequel.

Kate Hudson had a baby boy. While the Beckhams welcomed (what's sure to be a chic) baby girl. Jewel has a baby boy.

One actress can't get work so she's selling shoes.

FYI: Gwyneth Paltrow can still rock a bikini.

A football player/DWTS contestant was busted for DWI.

A member of Wilson Phillips may lose her home.

McSteamy's going to be a daddy again.

I know it's hot in Texas, but I had no idea this would happen at Rihanna's Dallas show.

I like Oprah, but not in an Oscar host kind of way.

I have figured it out. I like Justin Timberlake in six minute increments - not entire movies.

Rob Lowe is making Lifetime movies now?

Elizabeth Taylor's house has been sold.

Rest in peace (and thanks for the memories), Sherwood Schwartz.

It's Bastille Day!

Full disclosure: I'm not French and had to consult the experts (Wikipedia) to determine if this is a cause for celebration or mourning. The conclusion: it's worthy of celebrating. Pop a bottle of bubbly or have some french fries!

Do You Know These People?

My inbox has become full of photos recently. When I first started writing about personalized license plates, I had no idea there were so many. Now, it's become something I can't miss (and since mentioning it to my friend, Adam, he can't seem to stop spotting them). So, rather than hold onto them and share them one by one, I'm emptying my inbox and phone here.

When I first saw this license plate, I noticed the blue star (Cowboys fan?).

Then, I realized it was trying to tell me something:

GET 12

Get 12? What does that mean? Then, it hit me.

Get one, too.

Ugh. Lame. You want a world where everybody has a BMW? Or are you inviting a thief to swipe your car? Either way, I am not on board.

Yet another one of those fancy, individualized plates. But it also says something.

CUBS 1

Is this a misplaced Cubs fan (this is South Texas, not Chicago)? Or does the driver have a child on a little league team by that name?

Whatever the case, I think it's a good commitment to the team. This person is in it no matter what - push them around when the team is lousy, then give 'em a wave when the team is doing well. No fair-weather fan on board!

This, I love!

I like the little dog and cat on the left side of the license plate (why don't I have one of those?). I like that the plate says "4 PAWZ." Well, I don't like that paws is spelled with a "z." That's actually a peeve of mine. Perhaps "4 PAWS" was taken?


If you like animals so much that you're willing to put it on your license plate, do it! But maybe this driver should also have a "I Brake For Dogs" sticker - or something to that effect - on the bumper just so people know where he/she stands.

This one's a little harder to see.

FISHN

Now, this hardly looks like the kind of car that would have a rod and reel in the trunk. So I'm going to guess the driver is FISHN for something else.

• Stares
• Compliments
• Love
• Whistles
• Gas money

I have no idea what this one means.

CR LUV

The black background makes me think there was some thought put into this - it's not the typical plate.

But what's CR? And why does the driver LUV it/him/her?

Totally stumped. If you know what it means, please let me know.

I know this one is hard to see. If you can't squint to read it, here's what it says:

RED RKT

Is this a name for the red sporty car? Does this person like comic books? Is this driver computer savvy? Is this person into gross dog humor? Does he/she like beer? Is the driver a basketball fan? So many questions, but I don't know the driver so it's all a big mystery.

Oh, Joe.

That's what it says right next to the blue star.

JOE

That's cool and all until he goes to sell the car. Anyone not named Joe will have to buy new license plates. I wonder if that next owner will keep the tradition of naming the car after him/herself?

Here's another one that stumps me.

DA GMEN

Now, I'm pretty sure that if this belonged to the FBI, they would have government plates and not exactly advertise the agency (would make undercover work hard). 

So, I'll guess that the people who ride in this car have a last name starting with "G."

And here's the last one in my inbox:

HOOKEM

Now, judging by that and the little longhorn to the upper left of the license plate, I'm going to say this driver likes the University of Texas (not hookers, though I'm not judging that).

I feel so much better now that I have emptied my inbox and phone of all those license plate photos! If you want to interpret some of the other license plates I've featured, click here.

Week In Pop Culture

This is clearly not meant to make me interested in Horrible Bosses.

This is the fattest you'll ever see Victoria Beckham.

If you're keeping tabs, Lindsay Lohan is still out of touch with reality.

Tony Parker is keeping busy (and probably making his management team nervous).

Ryan Phillippe's Baby Mama has delivered.

Jessica Simpson has released another perfume I'm not interested in wearing.

I'm a little more curious about that Dragon Tattoo movie.

Justin Timberlake shared an awkward story.

Megan Fox wants you to know her face is real (no word on the rest of her).

Jake Gyllenhaal is a MAN.

This casting news for The Office is exciting!

Michael Jackson kept a few secrets - probably not what you think.

Oprah's now a teacher.

Hair don't. Also, Lady Gaga might be dying.

I absolutely do not think it's crazy for a 49-year-old famous actor to paint his face like a tiger for his birthday. Or do I?

I don't think I'll tune in to this reality show.

I cannot believe these are the highest paid actresses.

Ellen Pompeo makes me really want to see The Help.

Interesting casting in that Aaron Sorkin HBO show.

I saw Joan Rivers do this on The View this week and it made me laugh, then think, "I am SO glad she's not my mother!"

OOH! Stylish opposites!

Wondering if Comedy Central is paying Charlie Sheen in cash, hookers or his favorite white, powdery substance?

These two are giving a relationship another try.

I hope these two work it out.

Stars embarrass themselves, so they're JUST LIKE US!

Amy Fisher needs more help than Dr. Drew can offer.

Janice Dickinson looks much older than 56 (and hungry).

The musical perfect for spinsters: Bridget Jones.

Harry Potter had a drinking problem.

Nic Cage's son is having problems. Real problems.

Richie Sambora's girlfriend is a bit scandalous.

UPDATE: Jesse James is still a douchebag.

Sean Penn has a new girlfriend.

I kind of like that Reese Witherspoon is all covered up. Unlike Eva Longoria.

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johannson are divorced. So is George Lopez.

Ricky Gervais likes to make faces.

Glee is losing one of its kids.

Maria Shriver has made it official. I wonder if she'll take this deal?

Rick Springfield is probably headed for Celebrity Rehab.

Kate Moss is married. I'm guessing there wasn't much food at the reception. You know, because she doesn't eat.

Of COURSE Hollywood is turning that What to Expect When You're Expecting book into a movie.

Can someone explain what Kim Kardashian is doing here?

A Thor sequel? Can't wait to not see that!

See? Mom was right! If you keep making faces, they'll stick!

Facebook Is At It Again

The other day, my friend Julie saw this ad on her page and asked a good question:

Is this baby wearing a wig? It was kind of hard to see on her monitor. I mean, it looked like it, but it was kind of hard to tell.

Later, I saw the ad on my page and was able to see it clearly. YES, THAT BABY IS WEARING A WIG!

So, judging by the "learn to become a social worker program" ad, I detect a few possibilities.

1. This baby needs to be taken away from her family because they have put a weave in her hair.
2. That's not a real baby. It's one of those dolls that you pull the hair to make it long, then chop it off. (Totally fun until all your doll has is hair nubs that are too short to cut)
3. Once again, FB has just allowed a random photo to be used in its ads.

I've written about this before. I've never created a FB ad, but it's beginning to appear that when building the ad, you can insert your own photo or let them choose a stock photo. How else did Anderson Cooper wind up in an ad for singles?

It's good to know FB is like that creepy relative who only forwards emails to you but never really asks how you're doing or tells you anything about him/her. You love that person anyway, but kind of wish they'd knock it off (hint, hint, FB).

Too Close To Home

This is my cat.

He looks cute and sweet, but there are a few things you should know about him:

1. He only looks like that when he's sleepy.
2. He likes to stare at me while I sleep (creepy).
3. He has taken to sleeping next to me on my bed.
4. He snores. He snores so loud, he wakes me up.

Side note: Yes, I would like the cat to sleep some place else. Have you ever tried denying a cat something. The crying. The scratching. It does not make for a good night's sleep. I've tried. He bangs on the door when I ignore the crying and scratching. I think he throws his whole self against the door.

Maybe it's the last two things that have started messing with my dreams (I know they're part of the reason I haven't been sleeping well). But the other night, I dreamed that I was running from something in a large litter box. It was like some awful version of Fear Factor - smelly, gross and no matter how much I whined the dream would not end.

Then, I spotted this in a magazine.

Look at those clumps - which I presume are poopies! They're bigger than the cat! It's like my dream came true. Of all the dreams I've had, this is not the one I want to see in a movie! Why couldn't it be the one where George Clooney takes me for a ride on his motorcycle? Or the one where I have ninja powers? Or the one where I eat nothing but cake and never feel sick?

NOOOOO.

It has to be the larger than life litter box and poop. 

BTW, Scoop Away. This does not make me want to buy your litter. Ever.

Happy 4th of July!

Maybe these will put you in the mood for this holiday:

If none of those cards help, maybe this video will make you want to celebrate America!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

July Movies

Remember when July 4th weekend used to have a big, explosive blockbuster? Well, sadly, there aren't a whole lot of those that make me want to drop everything and run to the theater. In fact, just two movies interest me this month.

Now, I don't expect this to be a great movie, but I expect it to be light and sweet. I think Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts are the two nicest people in movies (not speaking from personal experience as Tom Hanks doesn't even follow me back on Twitter), so I'll watch them any time they make a movie. Plus, I'm kind of hoping they'll make good for that Charlie Wilson's War.


What is WRONG with me? Of all the movies out this month, I'm interested in not one but TWO rom-coms? Totally unlike me! There's something about this trailer that makes me think this won't be half bad (and that I just might hate myself for sitting through the half of the movie that makes me roll my eyes and shout, "STOP DOING THAT!" at the characters - PS: theaters and strangers do not like when you do that).

I'll explain why I'm skipping some of the other movies out this month.

• Transformers 3 - I am not a 13-year-old boy, nor am I the parent of one, so I have no real reason to run to the theater for this. Also, until I live in a world where large metal objects become robots, I will pass on movies like this.
• Zookeeper - Now that I know Paul Blart was only working as a mall cop to put his way through zookeeper school, I almost feel ripped off. It's not that I saw the mall cop movie (I chose the other mall cop movie with Seth Rogen instead), but I really don't like movies where the pitch names the successful (read profitable) movies made by the director/producer/actor/actress/studio as a way of appealing to moviegoers. How about you just sell the story - not your previous work? Makes me think there's not really anything in this movie worth seeing. You tell me otherwise - then buy me a ticket because that's the only way I'm seeing this movie.
• Horrible Bosses - Look, I kind of like that this movie is kind of a remake of 9 to 5 (which I LOVE). I like the guys in this movie. However, I don't understand why Hollywood keeps trying to make me see Jenifer Aniston as funny? She's gorgeous - I'm not knocking her for that. But even when she was on Friends, I found her jokes to be predictable and punny - totally not my thing. I might check this out on Netflix. Maybe. 
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - Those of you who know me understand this. Those of you who don't should know that I have never seen/read anything Potter. 
• Captain America - It takes more than a cute guy in tights to get me to the theater.
• Friends With Benefits - I like Justin Timberlake on SNL, but with the exception of Social Network, I have not really liked him in movies. I've tried. Really. Also, Mila Kunis is adorable, but she has meth voice. Drives me crazy (short drive, I know). I'll watch this at home where disappointment doesn't surprise my dog and cat. Plus, they're used to me shouting at the TV. They hardly flinch.
• The Smurfs - If this movie was released 20 years ago, I would have promised my mom I'd never ask for anything again if she'd take me. Instead, I'm old and kidless (call me a spinster and I will junk shot you) and not the least bit curious about this - except for the scenes with Neil Patrick Harris. So, I'll wait for this to be played ad nauseum on HBO.

Feel free to share your reviews/predictions in the comments. Or not - because I know a lot of you are lurkers and don't comment. Creeps.