Can We Still Be Friends?

Friends, I have a confession to make. I hope you're sitting down. I hope you won't judge me too harshly.

Here goes.

I have not seen/read all things pop culture.

Crazy, as my culture is all kinds of poppy. But if you want to talk to me about the following, don't be surprised when I give you a blank stare:

The Hobbit
I have never read a single page of this.

Maybe it has something to do with the mythical creatures that are a wee bit creepy. Maybe it's the fact that it's such a long series that my self-diagnosed ADD can't keep up.

Also, I've never met a real person named Gandolf or Bilbo, so the idea of reading about these odd people in places I can never see (and my tiny brain can't imagine) just does not appeal to me.

I know I shouldn't trust everything I read on Wikipedia, but just what I have skimmed about this series made my eyes glaze over (and I'm not even drinking).

I like my fiction to be creative, but practical. I have actually had dreams that I have been face to face with The Great Gatsby. I have never dreamed of unicorns, elves, dwarves, goblins or any other mythical creature. To read or watch a movie including those creatures is something that my brain just doesn't understand. So, other similar series that have not grabbed me:

• Lord of The Rings
• Chronicles of Narnia
• Harry Potter

Little House on The Prairie

My little brain also does not like frontier-times. You see, I don't like camping - the idea of life without electricity, running water and air conditioning/heat kinda terrifies me.

I know the show was good, clean family entertainment with a few life lessons thrown in. I just like my lessons with a studio audience, even a "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" I also like: a dad in a funny sweater (The Cosby Show), a mom who can be a bit harsh when she needs to be (Roseanne), a quirky kid from another family (Growing Pains, Full House) or even a visitor from another planet (Alf). 

Friends, you can keep this dusty family. I don't want to explain DVR to them.

The Matrix

It's not that I don't like Keanu Reeves (have you never seen me Tweet late at night lines from Point Break? "I am an EFFF BEEE EYE agent!"), it's just that we're now out of a time period that makes sense to me.

As a kid, I remember watching a movie about the year 2000 (which, in the 1980s was like telling kids today about the year 2050). We were told we'd have spaceship cars like The Jetsons. We'd get to vacation on other planets. We'd have robots in our homes. LIES. ALL LIES.

So, when it comes to movies that depict the future, well, it just makes me angry. It's like one big tease about all the things we'll never actually use. It hurts me a little. It's like learning Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy aren't real (kids, if you're reading this, they DO exist). Devastating. Don't tease me. I'm fragile.

Woody Allen

Everyone says he's a genius. I have tried many times to enjoy his movies.

Can't do it.

It's like one of those torturous books I was forced to read in school. I wanted the Cliffs Notes so I could understand what made that "masterpiece" worth my time. 

If I wanted to spend two hours listening to a whining character who didn't really have such a bad life, I'd talk to myself. 

Wait. That doesn't sound good.

I have taken his movies out of my Netflix queue because I realized I held onto the movies longer than I should have (procrastination is my unofficial middle name). I give Woody a shot whenever I see his movies on TV. I rarely make it through a commercial. Yes, I'm clearly uncivilized. And ignorant. Beat you to it.

Indiana Jones

This one surprises even me. I like Harrison Ford. Well, I liked him before he started making movies where he appears to be a parody of himself.

I don't know why I never saw one of these movies. Maybe it's because I didn't have an older brother. Maybe it's because my younger brother wasn't interested in it. I'm stumped.

However, this is one series that I do want to watch some day. See? I can change!

Disney World/Land

I know it's a magical, happy place. That's not why I'm not interested. My reason is simple: time and money.

I don't love amusement parks because my impatience makes me cranky. Long lines for rides, shows and food and beverages can make it impossible to see and do everything you want. Plus, I know how disgusting those creature costumes are. Seeing one of them coming my way makes me want to get out of there fast. 

I could consider going to Disney if I had a guarantee that I would not have to wait in lines. Otherwise, I'll pass.

This next one is a true confession.

I have never solved a Rubik's Cube. Well, let me take that back a bit. I have never legitimately solved one of these things. Sure, I've taken off stickers and moved them to make it look like I did it. But manipulating that block to get the colors to line up is something that makes my head hurt. It takes math or something smart (like a brain) to finish it. I am so ashamed of myself. You can't see me, but my head is hanging low. 

So, friends, this is my confession. I hope you still like me. Just a little? Please? I never said I was a pop culture expert. Another confession: I'm not an expert at anything. But that's another post.

Ten Things

It's been a while since I've surfed Twitter looking for a random celebrity Tweeter. Today, I stumbled upon MC Hammer.

While he no longer wears those baggy, shiny pants (and I think he favors shirts now), he seems to have traded spitting rhymes for typing words of wisdom in 140 characters or less. Here are ten things I learned about MC Hammer on Twitter.

He's Spiritual

He's Into Current Events

Not familiar with Oscar Grant? Get learned here.

He Supports The Home Team

He Likes To Read

He Likes Classics Performed By Classics

He Offers No-Nonsense Advice

He's Living My Dream

He's Still Making Music (?)(!)

I clicked on the link and watched the video. I might be interested in the song. Like, almost interested enough to download it. Maybe. Take a listen.


I also learned MC Hammer is fond of the re-Tweet. He also replies to Tweeps, so go ahead and Tweet him and see what happens.

Related Posts:

• Ten Things About David Hasselhoff
• Ten Things About Larry King
• Ten Things About Kim Kardashian
• Ten Things About Ashton Kutcher

Week in Pop Culture

America, it looks like we need to send January Jones a few cheeseburgers.

It really doesn't look good for Will Arnett's show.

Vera Farmiga has a new baby girl.

Jane Fonda had a cancer scare.

We'll have a little more time with The Simpsons.

This week's rehab newbie is... a guy I thought was dead.

This sort of thing doesn't get me to respect Kim Kardashian.

Angelina Jolie is talking about her home life.

ICYMI...

Dick Van Dyke was rescued by porpoises?

That "Three Stooges" movie probably won't happen.

Demi Moore has sold her soul to the devil. How else can she look this good for so long?

If you want to see skinny young girls in their underwear, here's a look at the Victoria's Secret fashion show. And here's what Katy Perry wore to the show.

Just when I thought I would not watch Skating With The Stars, I learned this guy was a judge. 

I don't know if America is really ready for this.

WOW! Oprah sure made a whole lotta cash.

Not sure what I think about this alleged new couple. Or not.

This is not Jennifer Hudson's best look.

My sister, Tina Fey, got a big honor.

This makes me glad I'm not following Kanye on Twitter.

Aww! Super cute homecoming queen! Her sister is adorbs, too!

I can't believe Robert DeNiro hasn't already received this honor.

Does Liam Neeson have a secret?

Moms and spinsters, here's a New Year's Eve special just for you.

Orlando Bloom's wife is fat really pregnant.

I had no idea I had so much in common with Zach Galifianakis.

I think this comparison is a smidge unfair.

Anyone who goes on "Wheel of Fortune" and buys up all the vowels should take note of this.

I hope this star finds time to do some dancing.

So Gwen Stefani wears something like Spanx. Big deal!

Madonna was bullied.

Pseudo-celebrity in a bikini.

I don't know if Seth Rogen's engagement story is true, but it made me giggle on "Conan."

Like it or not, Tim Allen is coming back to TV.

Ice-T is endorsing booze that I don't think I can drink.

This lady's shoes don't look very comfortable.

Iman is gorgeous and knows clothes. But there's something about this show that makes me think someone is working really hard to make punny insults.

I think plenty of new moms can related to this.

This is what happens when a mediocre actress talks badly about screenwriters.

I won't plan a vacation to this place any time soon.

Good TV news!

I hate the wait for this movie.

The Cheater says she's not engaged.

Lindsay Lohan wants to "open rehabs." Oh, good.

This looks painful.

Eva Longoria's hosting gig at the MTV Europe Music Awards included a ton of costume changes.

Gerard Butler might be leaving out a few details in his holiday plans.

Miley Cyrus is a great role model.

A professional from Dancing With The Stars is engaged to a baseball player.

We know who won't host the Academy Awards.

Kelly Ripa might be too skinny.

Debra Winger is back at work and it looks like she's had some work done.

I wonder how the world would respond to this show in Vegas?

The next few years could be tough for Lil Wayne.

Here's Lisa Rinna's big reveal of her smaller lip.

Rest in Peace, Jill Clayburgh.

R.I.P., Dino De Laurentiis.

So Wrong It's Right?

I am a girl who likes to be comfortable. If it's tight and binding, I am not interested. But I have seen a couple of things that go from comfort to giving up.

Pajama Jeans
If you haven't stayed up late and watched this infomercial, allow me to introduce you to this new invention.

Now, I must confess I wavered on these. At first, I was all "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen." And then, I was all, "Stretchy pants that look like jeans? Genius!" But I have had some sense knocked into me. I know that if I left the house like this:

it would only be a matter of time before someone looked at me with sad eyes and asked if I needed medication. Look, you can put fake seams on these pants, but they're STILL pajama pants. The only time you can get away with wearing PJs in public is if you're stepping out to pick up your newspaper or you're deathly ill and need to run out for some NyQuil and ice cream (I'm a single girl who has to fetch her own drugs, what?). I might make an exception for Thanksgiving, but then your pants would never get tight and you'd keep shoveling pumpkin pie down your gullet. See? Not a good idea.

OnePiece

Ladies (and gents, I suppose), if you want to announce to the world that you are a lumpy bump for whom even sweat pants won't do, the OnePiece is for you! I cannot believe they actually put makeup on people for this photo shoot. I do not believe for one second that anyone wearing this is putting on anything more than lip gloss after securing a scrunchie in her hair. And who could this possibly look good on? It's saggy from the ankle to the shoulder! Walking around looking like an unpadded puppet is not a good look for anyone - even one who doesn't eat more than a slice of apple per day. Take the pass on this one, unless you have completely given up and don't want people to know if you've pooped your pants.

Phrobies
This is just plain lazy.

A blanket robe? Are you kidding me? This makes The Snuggie seem genius! The phrobi has pockets, which makes the wearer look like he/she is up to no good. The website says it's stylish and can be worn to events. Um, I got news for you lazy bums. You show up at my house - or anywhere else in this lame excuse for attire - and I will not only point and make fun of you, but I will also announce to the world that you have given up completely. **Note: acceptable if you are at death's door - or the emergency room (but then it must be burned).


If I didn't know better, I'd think those things were some sort of spoof. Like Mom Jeans.

I suppose it could be worse. Those casual clothes could be creepy like Crocs.

Facebook Is Mean

I love Facebook. I do. I love that I get to see what my friends are up to (especially the pictures - keep 'em coming). However, this social networking site has gone from creepy (see examples here, here and here) to just plain mean.

Without warning or even an option to keep things the same, Facebook shrunk the font.

I did that screen grab from my page this morning. I blew it up to 100%. How easy is that to read? As if I'm not already worried about computer eye strain, now, just to see someone's status update, I have to squint to make out the words in the super tiny print!

What about that is fun? It's like Facebook wanted to find a way to make users unhappy AND blind. It's the ultimate time waster! And, Facebook, if you're reading this, I don't mean that in a good way.


I admire the Facebook crew for finding ways to make the site seem new and interesting. How about they give the users the option to change the font size (or even the font)? I'm not the only one questioning this. Look at what this quick search turned up.

I'm glad I looked it up. I found this fix that will work for Chrome & Firefox browsers. And if you don't want to do a download, press CTRL +.

I Have A White House Press Corps Confession

One of the super fun things about my job is watching the White House press briefings (it's not always fun, but sometimes we have to sit through them so I try to make it entertaining). I have decided my new favorite thing about this briefings is one man: Hans Nichols.

He is a reporter for Bloomberg. Don't think that image I found with a quick Google search is making fun of him. Click on the link. He's adorable! From his curly/shaggy hair to his boyish charm - like a Doogie Howser turned loose in D.C. I wonder if he gets carded?

But his looks aren't what makes me keep an eagle eye on the Q&A at the White House. No. It's his voice. There's no squeaking. His youthful looks are a complete contradiction to his Kermit The Frog with a head cold voice. Not familiar with it? Go to the 2:54 mark on this video.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Pres. Goofus and Pres. Gallant - Peer Pressers
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Dreamy, no?

If anything, I hope my introduction of Hans Nichols (just realized I did not mention that I love the name - it sounds like an alias) will spice up your political news watching. If not, I give up. You people are dream crushers who make me want to move to Canada. And I won't even let you crash on my sofa.

Note: I just read his bio. He's wicked smart. I'd like to be friends with him in case I ever get into a "Cash Cab" situation. Call me, Hans! XOXO


PS - can anyone confirm if this is his actual Twitter account? Maybe his peers could school him in this social networking business.

Week in Pop Culture

She can't always look great.

Joan Collins is fake-tastic and she loves it.

Jessica Alba says she'd rather be funny than pretty. I'm still happy to say I've never seen one of her movies.

I totally agree with Jennifer Lopez.

James Cameron doesn't want to see more crappy 3D movies. Unless they're his - and he won't call his own movies crappy.

Lindsay Lohan's rehab sounds like a dream.

Good news: there will be another Bond movie. Bad news: we won't see it until November 2012.

You're welcome.

I wouldn't be surprised if this newly-engaged couple is shopping a reality series.Same goes for this couple of cheaters.

When he's not the Green Lantern, this is how Ryan Reynolds rolls.

Can perfume bottles have combovers?

Cancel your plans to see Aretha any time soon.

I have never been more excited about someone becoming an American!

Can you believe this guy is free?

What? No more Supernanny?

A certain 70s star spent some time behind bars.

Is it the 80s again?

That "Millionaire Matchmaker" has stirred up the curly-haired girls.

Cheryl Tiegs could use a little fashion help.

This news doesn't exactly make me look forward to hearing Gwyneth Paltrow sing.

I would be in rehab if my dad was like this.

I would be all up in my mom's closet if she was like this.

Michelle Pfeiffer is just like me!

You can be like Mariah Carey without leaving home.

Remember when Perez Hilton said he was going to be nicer? Does this seem nice?

Think about this: a TV show based on Chelsea Handler's book but will not star Chelsea Handler.

I love this.

I'm now sold on that Jake Gyllenhaal/Anne Hathaway movie.

I might watch this.

But I'm not so sure I want to watch this.

Former President George W. Bush says this was one of the most disgusting moments of his presidency. And here's the response from the other side.

Cirque Du Soleil is taking on Michael Jackson's song book. Interesting.

No jagged little pill here.

Great. Now every reality show cast member will get political.

Susan Boyle is the world's oldest child.

Could it be - a dude version of "Ugly Betty?"

Sarah Silverman has body issues.

I don't know what exactly Demi Lovato does, but I feel sorry for her.

Creepy alleged relationship news. 

Here's a reality show I won't watch (well, at least I won't DVR it).

Want to know the name of this unshaven lady? Click here.

The only thing shocking about this celebrity divorce is who's doing the filing.

Courtney Cox wants you to know she's separated, not divorcing (yet).

Jennifer Garner has been caught with crack.

Oprah's network has ordered two reality shows that I'll watch at least once.

This news already hurts my ears.

Ricky Martin talked about his coming out.

Heidi Klum and Seal love Halloween - perhaps a bit too much?

Stage parents, listen up: this is how you keep your kid from becoming Lindsay Lohan.

Jessica Capshaw has a new baby girl.

Soon, you can smell just like Taylor Swift.

When your belly's full of Thanksgiving turkey, watch Beyonce dance and pretend like the calories are just melting away.

I can't believe this lady keeps turning down Dancing With The Stars.

I'll always check out a show on HBO - so this one will get space on my DVR.

OK. Fine. I'll see MIB III.

This made me do a double take Friday night.


Rest in Peace, James Wall.

It's Election Day, Fools!

I voted early (but not often as that's illegal - BOO). Here's my proof:

While I've made had my say about why you should vote on Twitter:

I noticed the folks at Pitchfork have been spreading the word of others. Since some of you don't like/know/understand/care about Twitter, I thought I'd share some of them here.

This one was pretty random.

And I can totally relate to this one.

I have signed up with a few candidates (Republican & Democrat) to get their text updates. Do yourself a favor and DO NOT do this. All they ask you to do is vote/phone call/block walk. No breaking news from the candidates!

I meant what I tweeted - if you don't vote, you don't have a voice. You can say America is broken, but unless you participate in the system, you can't fix it. If you just want to complain, do that at home where I can't hear you. Or move to North Korea, Iran or Cuba where you have no voice.

You decide.

I already know what I want.

Coming Soon...

There are so many things I love about November... Cooler weather, sweaters and better movies! This time of year, some of the best movies roll out in hopes of staying in the minds of the awards show voters. Still, a few duds will hit the big screen. Let's start with those.

For Colored Girls

As a rule, I don't like Tyler Perry movies. I find them to be a bit racist. I feel the same way about George Lopez and those redneck comedians. When you play to the stereotypes of your own people, you're fueling the racism. The trailer shows these women who appear to be strong, yet their lives are in turmoil. I saw this movie last year when it was called Precious. I'm sure that this cast of amazing, talented African-American women will turn out some great performances. However, this movie does not appeal to me. Maybe it's because I'm not a colored girl. Or maybe it's because I know Tyler Perry had his hands in this. I may watch it when it hits HBO, but not one second sooner.

Unstoppable

This hurts. I really love Denzel Washington. I just don't understand why he keeps taking the same roles. No more cop movies, PLEASE! Denzel was fantastic in Training Day. But every movie since that one has disappointed me. So, I'd like to ask the movie people to find Denzel another movie where he can be fantastic and make me go see him in the theater. This movie just smells of deja vu - and not in a good way.

Morning Glory

Dear Hollywood: PLEASE STOP MAKING THESE MOVIES ABOUT THE NEWS BUSINESS! They are almost never accurate. The last movie I thought came close to resembling my line of work was Broadcast News. Every other movie based on the biz makes me crazy with the inaccuracies and impossibilities. I imagine it's the same for other businesses. I bet actual spies hate spy movies. I won't ruin the movie magic by listing all the things that aren't real in movies based on news if spies will agree to the same. Deal?

Skyline

I can handle a little bit of science fiction. But I prefer it in such small doses that I don't recognize the geeky bits. Nothing appealing about this one.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One

Confession: I have never seen/read a single bit of this boy wizard (that's what he is, right?). That said, it should not surprise you that I won't see the latest installment of this series. Go ahead and tell me how it ends. I won't be mad.

The Next Three Days

Where do I begin? A movie that includes Russell Crowe asking "show me where the bullets go" is just plain silly. Russell Crowe has shot people in movies lots of times. And if a guy is asking a question like that, how is it even possible for him to break his wife out of prison and then live life on the run? This movie looks so bad that it won't surprise me if some network turns it into a TV show.

Tangled

A reboot of Rapunzel? Is this necessary? I'm answering my question by putting it in this list of movies.

Burlesque

I love a musical, but there's something about this one that makes me want to skip it. I know Christina Aguilera can sing. This just reminds me too much of Nine - and that is NOT a good thing.

Love And Other Drugs

I love Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal. But he's a Viagra salesman in this movie. She's a "free spirit." No way.

Faster

The Rock. I've said plenty of times that he's not an actor. I know there's not a whole lot of acting in an action movie, but nothing will make me run from the theater faster than this movie.

Here's what I hope to cram into my November weekends:

• Megamind
• Due Date
• Fair Game
• King's Speech

I did catch a screening of 127 Hours. You can find my review here.