Sunday, November 1, 2009

Facebook, You're On My Nerves

Facebook, you're a fine place to connect with friends. However, some of your recent behavior is, well, creepy.

I've decided to show some photos (dark and a little blurry on purpose) to illustrate some of my complaints.
Reconnect With Someone
At first, this sounds like a nice thing. I'm thinking, "Wow, Facebook, how did you know it had been a while since I have exchanged messages with this person?" Then, I click on the person's name and realized you're trying to make me get this person to be active here. Every single time I've checked out this whole "reconnection" thing, it's been someone who hasn't updated a status/sent a message in months. Why is it my job to remind people they have a Facebook account and that they might want to let their friends know they haven't dropped off the planet?
Making Users "Active"
Facebook, sometimes I think you're that desperate girl at the bar. You know the one, tipsy and looking for any guy standing by himself so she can convince him to take her home (or at least make out with her in the parking lot). Really? You want me to make someone more active here? Um, not everyone spends hours logged in. And some people are just here because they've been sent so many invites they decided to join just to shut people up. And there are those who are just here to make minimal contact with people. What's wrong with that? I'm not always a people person. I don't always want to talk to people. So if someone only logs into FB every few days/weeks/months, back off. Let them come to you. Don't force their friends to get them liquored up and chatting with people they hardly know online. That's just dangerous.
People To Friend
Wow. This is just weird. I mean, sure, I know some of these people. I even used to know some of them. I have no problem friending the people I actually know. But, Facebook, just because I might have a friend or two in common with these people, it doesn't mean I actually want to be friends with them here or in the real world. Plus, this makes me wonder if these people have seen me as a recommended friend and either a) blocked me or b) ignored me. If you see yourself here (and I really tried to blur these images, I'm just not that good with PhotoShop), know that I'm giving real thought into adding you as a friend. Aren't you thinking the same?
So and So Are Now Friends
Oh, really, Facebook? How do YOU know that? Just because someone accepts a friend request here that doesn't mean that they are just now friends! You really have some nerve! Maybe we've been friends in the real world for a long time, it's just that one of us finally got around to joining your little club and have connected here. Did you ever think about THAT?!?

Other peeves:
  • Like. I like things. I also dislike things. Why isn't that an option?
  • Ads. I have NEVER seen a web ad and thought, "I have to get some of that." So how about you stop putting those singles ads on my page? I have no interest in meeting someone who lifted a model's picture off the web and posted it as his own. Also, those weight loss ads are creepy. I do not believe the person in the before picture is the one in the after - unless you've found someone better at altering photos than yours truly.
  • Live vs. News Feed. What the hell is this? Why can't you make up your mind? You either want to be like Twitter or you don't. Your inability to pick a side and stick with it is a turn off.
  • Games. I do not want to play Farmville, Mafia Wars or any other game here. I am happy that FB is giving me the option to hide these requests. But, seriously, knock it off. I'm talking to you people who keep sending those requests.
Now, I know some of you are probably annoyed by my sometimes frequent updates, which come via Twitter. You can hide me. I won't know. But the truth is, I'm too lazy to update both Twitter & FB. Besides, I'm not really that interesting, so it's just easier for me to make one post and have it publish in two places (well, three if you count my blog).

So, there you have it, FB. I like you, but I don't like you like you. I am happy that I can share my photos and random life updates here. I love that I can hide status updates of people that I might ordinarily just unfriend (you know, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - don't say a word). I also like that I can snoop around and see what friends - and friends of friends - are doing with ease.

But stop with the creepiness. You reek of desperation. It's not cute.

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