Monday, May 30, 2011

Happy Memorial Day!

While some of you are spending the day having a barbecue or drinking beer before noon, I hope you take a bit of time to remember why you have this day off work (hint: it's not about the sales stores are offering). Perhaps these will help.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Ten Things

You've probably seen Judd Apatow's movies. You may have seen him on late night talk shows. But if you're not following him on Twitter, you're missing out.

These days, he really wants you to see Bridesmaids (I have and it is funny and not the least bit chick-flicky). I could give him the same Ten Things treatment as I have with others, but I decided to show you the ten faces of Judd.
This one seems to say, "I will read this book and it will make me smile - but I won't show you that."
I don't know their exact location, but they are either very excited to be there or have just spilled something hot on their pants.
I think this is pretty much the look everyone gives Detroit. Even Eminem.
SOOO glad Judd said he was enjoying the show because his face says otherwise.
I almost didn't see Judd in this photo because the cupcakes are calling me. Is that a red velvet? MINE! Back the f*#k off, Judd. I will seriously get stabby if you or your beard gets within an inch of it.
Oh, here's a nice picture. Posed and professional-like, but nice.
What is going on here? Going solo is not a bad thing. The movie isn't even close to bad. So why the face?
Now, this face, I get. And you know how they say people look like their pets? Totally true here. I don't know who's ragier about the pink fur - Judd or the dog. Probably the dog because other animals are laughing at it.
If the eyes are truly the window to the soul, these eyes are saying, "Never EVER get into the movie business. It will make you tired. It will make you sad. It will make you neglect your eyebrows."
I completely look past the seemingly unhappy face to celebrate the fact that the camera is not pointed the other direction. It's not that I don't want to see Judd's party pants, it's that I don't want to see him pre-party pants. Ever.

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Friday, May 27, 2011

Week In Pop Culture

Let's start with Elle Macpherson's awesome legs.

Amy Poehler offered up some good advice to Harvard grads.

It might be too late for Jude Law to join the Hair Club For Men.

Guess who said yes to rehab?

She didn't win DWTS, but Kirstie Alley looks pretty good.

I kind of hope this DWTS casting happens.

Geeks should start saving for the Star Trek theme park.

Not surprised you could sample pot brownies at Paula Abdul's house.

Here's something I wish I had never known about Kurt Cobain.

It must be tough for Lindsay Lohan to be confined to her home.

Ryan Reynolds isn't looking for a new lady.

I don't believe this couple is getting married.

Naughty fun.

Is it sad or funny that a 98 Degrees singer is now dancing with Chippendales?

That bin Laden movie is coming out next year.

Maybe Law & Order: SVU has run its course.

Is The Bible the ultimate reality show?

I can't wait to see the Emmy's!

Luke Perry is just like (most of) us!

OOH! I love these!

Take a break.

Chelsea Handler is sharing (maybe too much?).

How I know the world is not ending (yet): there may be another Rolling Stones tour.

Can we see Hangover 2 before the talk of a third movie?

If you're slightly famous, the last thing you should try to do is run from the law.

It looks like ABC is quietly doing a reboot of Bosom Buddies.

Are all things Spiderman cursed?

Queen Latifah is now in the clothing and accessories business.

Is this necessary? I mean, I'll probably watch it, but I'm not sure I need to.

This made me happy!
Hmmm. Lady Gaga does not love one of her songs that is one of my favorites.

If this story is true, Maria Shriver has some really good girlfriends.

Has anyone started the "countdown to breakup" for this couple?

I can't wait to see pictures from Sofia Coppola's wedding!

As far as I know, this lady hasn't had a weight problem, but I guess she's still qualified for The Biggest Loser.

Look! It's a Hollaback bikini girl!

Lindsay Lohan had a bikini malfunction.

I'm kind of surprised more boxers don't wind up in rehab.

This makes me wish Justin Timberlake would join the SNL cast (only if he's not going to make music anymore).

If you have a few million bucks, you can buy Elizabeth Taylor's house.

Oh, Zach Galifianakis, how I love you.

A former Friend has a baby girl.

This reminds me of Uma Thurma's unworldly beauty.

I need no reminders of Christina Hendricks' beauty.

Do these two look alike - not just in the mustache area?
Donald Trump dealt with some important business.

Russell Brand is not welcome in Japan.

Want to see Rihanna sing and Britney lip sync?

If you care about the Billboard Award winners, click here. To see what the performers wore, click here.

This probably made some Beliebers cry and make a few death threats.

Tom Brady used to be hot.

Debbie Harry totally rocks 65.

I don't even know what to say about this royal wedding gift.

Who needs LOST, when this actress has a baby!

Some actress better known for her weight loss is now married.

Betty White talks about her favorite mistakes.

Dear Bradley Cooper, we could have been cool if only you had not shared this story.

Transformers fans won't have to wait much longer for the next installment.

Sexual harassment is heelarious?

Tom Hardy has one strong back.

This couple was only engaged for six months before breaking up. I'm gonna say she's was a Bridezilla.

Katy Perry's tour rider doesn't surprise me.

Rest in peace, Macho Man.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Cat Napping

Most people would like it when an ad hits close to home. It always scares me a little. Take this ad:
Cute little kitten on the pillow, staring at the owner as she sleeps. You might think it's precious. I think it's terrifying. Why? Because it's my reality.
That's Chaplin, curled up on the pillow next to me. If I stir in the middle of the night and my hand comes anywhere near him, he'll bite (not breaking the skin - he just wants to let me know he has teeth). And sometimes, when I wake up, he's moved closer to my face, staring right at me - so close I can feel him breathing on my face. 

So do I find that Fancy Feast ad sweet? Nope. I definitely don't want to buy that food out of fear it will encourage the cat to get even closer to me. He's bigger than my head and I've had at least one dream that I can remember in which the cat curled up on my face and smothered me. It was not comforting.

I'd rather they stick to the ads in which some pristine cat eats the food from a fancy dish. Far, far away from the bedroom.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Ninth Wife

When I saw this book the first time, I thought, "Only a crazy person would want to be a man's ninth wife." What normal person could have a reasonable explanation for being married eight times? Then, just a few chapters in, I began to think maybe this could make sense. And maybe, just maybe, it wasn't the fact that Bess and I have a few things in common.

Bess and I have the same grandparents. Well, not exactly the same. Mine aren't Jewish and they didn't raise me because my parents died (mom and dad are very much alive and well and gambling their way through my inheritance, thank you very much). But her grandparents have been together a long time. They haven't always had a perfect marriage. They disagree. But with the divorce rate in America at 50%, I can't help but admire people who stick it out - taking those vows of "till death parts us" seriously. I've already told my cat that if I have to haul him around for more than 10 years, we may part ways. This could be why the cat is plotting my death. That's another post. Back to the book ...

Bess meets Rory, a man who in short time proposes to her and, practically at the same time, confesses that he's been married eight times. Who wouldn't be rattled by that news? Bess hears Rory's version, but, like any practical woman in her 30s contemplating marriage, decides to find the women to learn more about the man who either loves the idea of marriage or really does see a future with her.

While that's happening, her grandparents have decided to leave their home for the retirement mecca of Arizona. Bess hauls them, her gay friend, his dog and Bess's grandfather's favorite mannequin across the country. Here's where Bess and I differ: I do not like a road trip that last more than four hours. But I can look past that when I see why Bess is at this crossroads.
Who will be there for me when I die? Bess has had this thought before, a single person's worry, but perhaps she's downplayed it too much. Perhaps it's the single most important reason why she wants not just present companionship, but someone to call her husband, her child, people who, even out of duty, would be there when she needs it most.
Seriously, marrieds. This is a single person's deep, dark secret. I love my dog. I like my cat. But do I want them to be the ones by my bedside when I'm ready to go? No. The dog's too short and lacks fingers to dial 911. The cat will probably just lean over me, sucking in my last breath. Don't get me wrong, I love my freedom, but when I'm old and can't remember where I put my car keys (and no one will tell me that I shouldn't drive) or even remember my name, I want someone who is not on the payroll to honestly care for me. Not too much to ask for, is it?

As Bess meets/talks to ex-wife after ex-wife, it's clear that these women are not like her. In fact, they're all completely different from each other. Does this mean Rory has changed or that he doesn't know what he wants? And is he worth taking that walk down the aisle with? When her grandmother says, "A man is what he is, not what he has been," I stopped. At some point, we all have to let go of our past and live in the present and be hopeful for the future. In the end, Bess manages to do that with herself. Her long-distance journey wasn't just about Rory. It was about resolving the issues she only thought she had to see things more clearly: a ninth wife is just a technicality. Her start with Rory is fresh. It's their first marriage together. And that is what counts. It's a journey worth taking, even if it is just a book.

PS - can someone please tell me what that little symbol means? I kept seeing them in the middle of chapters and I kept thinking it was a sign someone was getting screwed (metaphorically, not literally).

Sorry You Missed The Rapture...

If you're reading this, you were either left behind or that whole rapture business did not happen.

I just hope you weren't one of those fools who parted with their stuff in their plan for the end of the world.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Week In Pop Culture

Unless your name is Sofia Vergara, don't do this.

I think I could handle a Bridesmaids sequel.

Do real people keep marrying each other or is it something only rich people do?

I have no idea what "mens bodywear" is, but I like that David Beckham is designing it.

Titanic is being re-released in 3-D this summer.

Is this the new boss on The Office?

Janice Dickinson is still crazy.

Oh, Rosie Perez. I'm pretty sure the reason you're not getting work has nothing to do with this and everything to do with the fact that few characters are written for people with annoying voices. Ask Fran Drescher.

Charles Barkley has a way with words.

Ke$ha needs help.

Beyonce can always rock a video.

Does this solve the January Jones baby daddy drama?

This movie sounds like it could be super funny!

I really hoped Celebrity Rehab would have helped this guy.

I still can't believe these two are dating.

Ugh. Another Scream movie is already in the works.

George Clooney's girlfriend is not shy.

The kid already needs therapy.

Tom Hanks seems to have forgotten his rule.

If this doesn't add to drama on RHWOBV, I don't know what will.

Who wants to drink a little Britney Spears sweet tea?

Are these two really a couple?

Lady Gaga is trying to save journalism.

Sounds like Miley Cyrus is trying real hard to remind us she's not a child.

On a strange note, here's what James Franco has been up to.

I'd be OK if these two rode off into the sunset and were never seen again.

Now this is a hot vampire! Sorry, Twihards.

Do we really need a reboot of The Flinstones?

Sad face. Jennifer Aniston's dog died.

No more America's Most Wanted.

Here's the Arnold bombshell we were expecting.

Can Jennifer Lopez pull this off?
Britney Spears looks healthy and happy here.

Cleopatra in 3D?

That new Pirates movie is not getting a lot of love.

Not sure what to think of this new Paul McCartney music.

It's no surprise Gwen Stefani can rock a bikini.

Katy Perry wants you to see something other than her chesticles.

Beyonce is teasing her new album.

Tilda Swinton does not encourage ladies to have babies.

One of The Office stars is pregnant.

I haven't read Chelsea Handler's book, but I am fairly sure the TV show on NBC won't do it justice.

Look, magazines. Mariah Carey was all about parading her naked pregnant self in your pages. I don't think this is necessary.

I wonder if this is just a move by Britney Spears' parents to protect her or if it's really true?

Eva Longoria has some amazing legs!
A couple of country singers tied the knot.

CBS gets Two and a Half Men back on track at a bargain.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Five Pounds

Oh, this guy!

He parks his ginormous truck in two parking spaces - as if anyone could miss it! Either he can't park or he is in the running for "Douchebag of the Year." Real contest. I swear. The prize: my eternal bad thoughts.

But if you think that monster truck isn't enough of an attention getter, take a closer look at the license plate.
Yeah. 5 lbs.

I suppose that's the average size of his catch? But I'd be more impressed if his haul was bigger. So big, that it would require a bigger boat.
Now that's impressive! Definitely not a five pounder. And if you can catch that without losing a limb or shooting it, you get my eternal admiration.

But Mr. Monster Truck and his 5 lbs? I'm not impressed.

For similar posts, click here.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Getting It Right

If you're like me and you see a movie poster and automatically decide whether or not you'll see the movie when it's released, you might have been skeptical of this one.
You see those ladies? Do they look like they want to be in that poster? I instantly thought they have total Brat Pack attitude.
See? It's that whole "I might be giving you the middle finger" kind of attitude. That should be your first clue that this is not that kind of lady-centric movie.

I have previously written about my distaste for romantic comedies and chick flicks (see examples here, here and here). If you're too lazy to click the links, let me sum it up this way: those movies often set bad examples for women, telling them to hang in there and it'll all work out - even though the reality is hanging in there just makes you unhappy. But I didn't write this movie off because the ladies in this movie aren't known for playing sweet, sympathetic characters. They're tough. And have ya seen the trailer?

What is sweet about that? Food poisoning? Traffic stop that includes dancing? Female fight club? Nope. You don't get that in your typical rom-com!

This 30-something girl decided to brave this one. Armed with a friend, I settled in. From the first minute, I laughed. I never once rolled my eyes or thought, "Dear, God. When does this end?" Because it was funny. And real. And a little gross. And these women weren't perfect. Yes, they do wind up in those bridesmaids dresses (not the one from the poster) and there's a cameo by Wilson Phillips that makes for one super funny moment. What they don't do: get all mushy and say things 20-something single girls say like, "We'll be friends forever." They know life is changing and they can only hope they change together instead of grow apart.

There is nothing wrong with that.

Friday, May 13, 2011

One Smart Squirrel

This morning, while doing my normal news skimming, this caught my eye.
What is cuter than a squirrel that looks like it's stealing a bicycle?

It turns out, this squirrel is not just smart - it has all the answers about the end of the world. What's that? You didn't know our days are literally numbered? That's right. Apparently, all of this comes to an end on May 21. Since I want answers, I decided to follow @DCSquirrel on Twitter. I'm also reading his/her super informative Q&A. Then, I was asked to submit a question. I waited patiently (really, I gave it like five minutes and then I moved on). By this afternoon, my beloved squirrel responded.
(Click the image if that's a little hard for you to read)

Now, I want my own special squirrel! Unless they're not as smart and cute as this one.

Week In Pop Culture

Jane Fonda has reinvented 73.

That Wonder Woman reboot is not going to happen.

Funny man Will Ferrell is getting a serious honor.

I'm curious to know the identity of the celebrity in this lawsuit.

David Lee Roth and Van Halen are reuniting. Um, what year is this?

I'd like to apologize for not liking Matthew Perry's sitcom and sending him back to rehab.

I can't wait to see this NBC show!

Kate Winslet looks amazing!

Marlee Matlin has a big ol' tax bill.

If you were a reality star and wanted to have some privacy, would you do another reality show?

Found: One New Hairstyle.

I never knew a movie about Marie Curie could be so interesting!

This news might make me watch the Tony awards.

Know why I'm not a fan of Jennifer Lopez? Because she makes some topics off limits.

The game of "Who's January Jones' baby daddy?" is still on.

I may have to skip an episode of Entourage.

Not her best hair.

Comedy Central appears to be running out of celebrities to roast.

The Big O appears to be headed to Broadway.

I guess I won't ask Kanye to perform at my next party.

Harrison Ford is not a fan of the new action movies.

Alicia Silverstone has a baby boy with a strange name.

Chris Brown's mom is, um, different.

Johnny Depp is not playing the same Lone Ranger you might remember.

Who doesn't love Rachel Zoe's push present?

This picture of a young Anderson Cooper is adorable!

The only way I'm watching this reality show is to mock it.

Whitney Houston is in rehab.

I will never understand the celebrity couple that stays together for 25 years, then splits.

Does anyone remember when Tara Reid acted? Neither do I.

NOW I'm on board with that 21 Jump Street reboot.

Has the world really been begging for a sequel to Waiting To Exhale? Or a movie version of that pregnancy book, What To Expect When You're Expecting?

I cannot believe George Clooney is 50!

This story will make Beliebers ragey. Even Bieber struck back.

Thursday, May 12, 2011


You don't have to be a meteorologist to know that South Texas has been in a drought for a while. Just walk through the grass. Don't do it without shoes because it's so crispy you might hurt yourself! All week, the clouds have swirled above, teasing us with rain. Tuesday, they even dropped a few sprinkles - like Mother Nature sneezed on us. But this morning, she did everything she could to remind us that she was still around.
Don't believe me? How's this for proof:
Still not good enough? How about this:

I swear I could hear my yard cheering every rain drop - even the few teeny pellets of hail were celebrated! I hope this is just a taste of what we'll get over the summer. I can't take another daily blast weather of dry, 100° weather!