Friday, June 26, 2009

Week in Pop Culture

Perez Hilton says he was attacked by and some of his peeps over the weekend. Apparently, he didn't think his nasty comments about people - both on the web and in person - would lead to physical violence. He also refused to apologize for his role in the mess. SIDE NOTE: Yes, I know I'm mean. However, if you come at me swinging, know that I will not tweet about it and cry. I'll swing back. Closed fist, fools. Oh, I'll still send people to this picture of Fergie and her potty pants.

Speaking of beat downs...Chris Brown pleaded guilty to attacking his former girlfriend, Rihanna. No snarky remark here.

Ed McMahon died. And to make this about me, I'll say that I'm sad he'll never show up with one of those big checks from Publisher's Clearing House. I guess I should stop sending in my entries now.

Farrah Fawcett died.I thought she was looney tunes in recent years. Then, I watched her documentary a few weeks ago. I have a whole new respect for her and Ryan O'Neal. He really loved her. I'm actually a little worried about how he'll handle life without her.

Michael Jackson died. This one was totally surprising. I mean, he wasn't sick (not physically anyway). I'm choosing to remember the Michael who is on my iPod, not the one who had the legal troubles.

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick welcomed twin girls via surrogate. I'm not sure, but I think the babies might be wearing the world's smallest pair of Jimmy Choos.

Jon & Kate decided to separate. No one saw that coming.

Darryl Hannah - jail bird.

Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo broke up. I don't really care, but it's news (?).

Apparently blood is thicker than water - at least in New Jersey!

Holy retouching! Mariah Carey has three pictures of herself on her new album cover. They're boobtastic!

Speaking of body parts, did you see this Burger King ad? It sooo does not make me want a sandwich.

And I'll end this week with one of my favorite Michael Jackson videos.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I'm A Bad Movie Watcher

It's not my fault. Really. I blame Netflix.

I've been a member of this movie rental site for six years now. Some years, I've been their dream customer, holding onto DVDs for months at a time before dumping that little red envelope in the mail. But I have recently forced myself to set aside time each weekend to watch at least one movie. After all, I do have 400 movies in my queue. Don't judge me (yet). Let me explain.

You see, when I watch a movie, I rate it. Then, with the help of some magical computer nerd who created a program, the site recommends movies I might like based on the selections I've rated with three or more stars. Sometimes I think, "OOH! I did like Harrison Ford in 'The Fugitive,' so, sure I'll watch this movie I've never heard of that was released six months ago." Same goes for foreign films (which I tend to like, I just have to be prepared to sit very still and not leave the room as I have a very limited understanding of other languages - and sometimes struggle with English!), documentaries, or TV shows I (believe it or not) never got around to watching. So I add those titles. Also, when a group like the American Film Institute puts out a list of 100 movies you MUST see, I go through it, look up the films, and add them to my queue if they seem interesting. That's how my queue has more movies than one person should watch. However, I keep thinking if I should come down with mono, I could SOOO put a dent in that!

But things have changed. I have been forced to watch movies (that's right, FORCED) that are not good. I am amazed at the number of incredibly talented actors making horrible films. I am incredibly disappointed to see funny people making movies that are billed as comedies but seem half-assed. I have seen more duds than hits the last few months. Some of them have been so bad, I give them just half an hour before I hit eject. I don't feel bad at all shoving that disc in the envelope and saying, "Good riddance!" I feel even better when I drop it in the mailbox. Freedom from bad films!

Now, I find it harder to go to the theater for a movie. Why? Because it takes more effort. No matter had bad the movie, I will sit through it and hope that it will get better. and I mean it when I say I have never walked out of a theater (and I saw "Leprechaun" - not because I wanted to, but because I was being paid to review it).

There are some movies that are really good. But it just seems most of them are not. That doesn't mean I won't give them a shot with Netflix. It just means that I won't shed a tear when I put that DVD back in the mail without knowing how it ends. It's also what's made me go in and cut 50 or so movies (and counting) from the queue because I can tell just on the description that I won't enjoy them.

So there you have it, movie people. Entertain me. Make me laugh. Make me cry. Just don't make me mad. Trust me. You don't want me on your bad side.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Week in Pop Culture

WOW! Bruce Willis likes to get naked with his new wife (no idea who she is). And they like to do it for magazines. Um, attention whores?

That John Mayer! He's so funny...and he's a douche. Guess which one of those terms of endearment is how I really feel?

Speaking of douches...this guy totally gives Mayer a run for the title.

It is NOT a secret that Jennifer Aniston is not good in movies. Or was she being funny? I'm confused.

For being the world's "biggest celebrities," Speidi certainly are sensitive. I mean, who's afraid of Al Roker? Oh. Speidi.

The folks over at The Frisky found Megan Fox's flaw: toe thumbs. Yeah. She's hideous.

Dolly Parton inspired the Girl Scouts. It has nothing to do with her boobies!

Chasity Bono, now Chaz, is out showing off his new manly look. Can you tell?

Victoria Beckham decided bigger isn't always better when it comes to her chest.

Mariah Carey released her new single "Obsessed." I don't so much care about the song as I want to know who touched up her photo. I want to hire that person to work on some of my photos.

Who knew?!? Michael Jackson is training for his new tour with The Hulk!

Jennifer Love Hewitt's writing a book on dating. A WHOLE BOOK. I can sum it up in one sentence: DON'T DATE DOUCHEBAGS!

Frustrating & Sleepless Nights

I'm tired. So tired, I can't sleep.

Here's the deal: I climb into bed every night, exhausted from a day of "working." That's right. I'm using quotes. I mean, it's hard to believe I get paid to write news stories every day! It's like a hobby. Living the dream people! Oh, and in case you can't tell, that's sarcasm. Just when I'm about to close my eyes, Chaplin (my cute but troublesome cat), decides it's time to race around the house. I become part of the track and get pounced on. Then, he gets tired and decides to get in my face to see if I'm asleep. If I close my eyes, he goes away. If my eyes are open, he meows and tries to make me pet him. Sure, it sounds cute. But at 1AM, it's not. Trust me.

Sometimes, Chaplin decides he needs a playmate. This is when he pounces on Charley (my sweet wienerdog). My pets, all combined 22 or so pounds of them, suddenly sound like a herd of buffalo. Not fun: when they make their path under my bed and I occasionally feel something thump from under the bed. This goes on throughout the evening.

Last night, I stayed up past 3AM. Then, Charley woke me up at 8. I got up. Took him for a walk. I'm barely awake as I type this. I can't go back to sleep - have stuff to do before work. But, despite the cries of protest I am sure to hear from Chaplin, I plan to lock both kids out of my bedroom. I MUST SLEEP!

Oh, and another thing about this crazy cat business. Why is it he doesn't seem to understand words like, "NO!" "STOP!" "DON'T DO IT!" "I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU TOUCH THAT ONE MORE TIME!", but when I ask if he's hungry, he plops down in front of the pantry for a second, then runs to his bowl and meows like he's the most innocent cat ever? And why do most of his meows sound like they're questions?

Maybe it's fatigue, but these are real questions I have this morning. Maybe I should get some more coffee. It's going to be a LONG day!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Week in Pop Culture

Bret Michaels performed at the Tony Awards and got knocked out. At least he has a legitimate excuse for some more plastic surgery. He even took to the web to show off his injuries. Not shedding a tear.

Apparently everyone wants to either BE Angelina Jolie - or they want to DO her.

Oh, how I loved Zack Morris back in the day. So this might be my favorite moment of the week.

Please, God. Don't let them remake Saturday Night Fever.

David Letterman's not afraid of the Mama Bear - even if she does have a gun (or 12). And she fired right back. Then he apologized for trying to be funny.

Jon Voight, who can't get his relationship with his daughter cleaned up, thinks he knows a thing or two about the way our country is going. Yeah. He's credible.

If Susan Boyle wants to unleash her inner Paris Hilton, the heiress offers these tips. Let's just hope SuBo doesn't opt for a sex tape.

I've never seen her in a movie, but "actress" Jessica Alba is allegedly a vandal. Is that a scandal?

Little secret about Nicole: I ♥ Blago. Well, not him. Just his hair. And his potty mouth. Anywho, this story makes me want to go to Chicago Saturday. He could be one funny MFer.

Phil Spector's new mugshot should be in a Hall of Fame. It's THAT good. I can't blame the prison for taking his wig. That thing could hide all kinds of weapons!

Chasity Bono turned 40 and decided to become a dude. Somewhere, Cher is probably thinking, "If I could turn back time..."

Oh. I almost forgot. The worst kept secret is finally out. Are you surprised?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Vanity Fair Gets Back on Track

I was quite disappointed in Vanity Fair when I got this in my mailbox last month.
I mean, Jessica Simpson? Her music is not good. Her movies are not good. The only thing she seems to get right is her shoe, handbag and perfume line. Still, the magazine put Jugs McGee on the cover. There were so many other great articles in the magazine. Then there was this one on her. I felt neither sympathetic nor angry when reading it. I just thought I could have made better use of my time watching "Real Housewives of New Jersey" or "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here."

So, I wondered, how could the magazine redeem itself? Then, I found this in my mailbox.
Now that's a guy who's cover worthy! Johnny Depp! YAY! Can't wait to read the article. If you haven't picked it up yet, you can go here to look at some of the photos.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Come On, Fellas! Clean It UP!

I think it was a little unfair of me to single out ladies who look like soap is their enemy (unless it's coming at them from a stylist before a fancy event). So allow me to name some dudes who tend to look a little dirty when they're not walking the red carpet.

Young Zac. You're not quite old enough to know better, but here's a tip from this girl you've never met: wash the hair. And while you're at it, get a hair cut. You're a pretty boy, but that hair blocks those eyes. What are you hiding from? It's not like I'm coming after you!

Brad. This is a movie star - when he's working. Off the job, he looks like a dude you'd find sleeping in a book store. You know, the kind you'd smell before you'd see. I know it's tough being a man of the world with a dozen kids and one of the world's most beautiful women in tow, but dude, shower. Please. If I should ever be lucky enough to bump into him, I hope it's not on his off day!
Ignore the rockin' abs. Yes, the sand makes him dirty. But I'm looking past that. Perhaps it's the whole hippy vibe, but I have to think if Matt made a trip down to the south in the summer time, you'd know it. Not just because there'd be a gaggle of girls following his trailer. Points for always having sparkling white teeth. I'm thinking those get a good brushing a few times a day. Subtracting those points because I once heard him say he doesn't wear deodorant.
Rob. I know the wind is blowing his hair, but look at him. That's beyond bed head. It's hair that hasn't seen shampoo in weeks! That stubble makes it appear as if he's as afraid of razors as vampires are of garlic (cut me some slack - I can't remember what vampires are afraid of right now). Plus, I read in a tabloid once that he doesn't bathe. I believe everything I read. So there.
Why do I always get the feeling this guy is going commando? It's like he's waiting for a nanny to fall into or something. Anyway, looks dirty (and it's not because of the nanny thing). British, so quite possibly doesn't care for dental products. Have I made a case?

I could go on and on, but I won't. You've probably lost interest - or decided I'm mean. Like I care. All I'm saying is if I had their money I would smell as I do now: CLEAN. What's their excuse? Is it to keep the fans from clinging to them? Should have thought about that before you decided to make a good movie.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Summer TV

That's right - I don't give my DVR a break just because it's summer! I mean, it's not like I get three months off. So what am I to do when I get home from work at night and most people are sleeping?

Watch TV.

So here's what I'm watching this summer:

I'm A Celebrity... Now, here's the thing about this show. I said I was going to watch it when Rod Blagojevich was going to be on. Why? Because he's just douchey enough to be entertaining. And I REALLY wanted to see what would happen when he had stuff dumped in that hair of his. I was also hoping for an expletive fest. When the judge wouldn't let him go, I was tuning out. Then, I thought it might be interesting to see those other douches - Heidi & Spencer - be taken away from Hollywood. I couldn't take the staged photos of them in my magazines or on my favorite blogs. I thought that could be like a vacation. Then, John Salley sent me a message on Twitter asking me to watch for him. Never heard of the dude. Still, I figured nothing else was on Monday night (besides Conan's fun debut), so I watched it. Oh, it's a show I love to hate. Thankfully, it's only on for three weeks - however, that's four nights a week. GRRRRRR.

Wipeout I don't record this, just watch the first round at work. Why? BIG BALLS! I know there is something wrong with me that I giggle every time someone, well, wipes out on that crazy obstacle course. It's fun. You can miss an episode and not be left wondering what happened. Oh, and there are REALLY BIG BALLS. What more do you want?

So You Think You Can Dance Well, I don't. But these kids who try out and actually make the show are fascinating! They haven't made the cut to the final 20 (at least not that I've seen yet). But these kids are so impressive. Some have dance training, others are just naturally gifted. Over the course of a few weeks, they learn every kind of dance. I never thought people moving around a stage to music could move me to tears, but every season I have watched, that has happened. If you liked "Dancing With The Stars," you'll love this show. It's fun!

True Blood Southern vampires. Or "vampire porn," as one friend called it. It is creepy, funny, shocking and scary. Sometimes all at once. I have to admit, I sometimes can't sleep after I've watched it.

Hung This is a new show. It's about a guy who's well-endowed. He puts his friend to use because it's the only way he can make a buck. Now, you're probably thinking I'm just hoping for a peek. They say there will be no reveal (a la "Boogie Nights"). It's all up to the imagination. Wiener aside, the show looks funny.

Entourage I admit I don't care about Vince and the boys. I only want Ari & Lloyd. If they aren't in the scenes, I tend to lose interest. Still, wishing I didn't have to wait until July for this one.

Mad Men I have been hooked on this show from the very first season. It's so smart. Each episode is like a little movie. And, I swear, every single member of the cast is fantastic. It makes me wish I was living in that era. Why don't we do cocktail hour anymore?

I don't think I left anything out. How are you passing the summer???

Week in Pop Culture June 1-5

Bruno dropping in on Eminem was the talk of the MTV Movie Awards (it was staged). However, you missed out on the funny show opening and Cameron Diaz's pit stains (if you're not patient enough to sit through the rap, go to the 3:50 mark).

Susan Boyle finished second to a dance troupe on "Britain's Got Talent." She did finish first in the race to the looney bin!

I have never wanted a popsicle more until I saw this: a Bondsicle!

Wow! You can get EVERYTHING at Sam's Club - including a personal concert by a guy whose music you probably wouldn't even download for free.

Jennifer Hudson is expecting a baby. Thankfully something to explain outfits like this.

"Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?" Maybe that's because they're making a sequel to "Heathers." WHY?

Another sequel I'm not sure I'll watch: "Wall Street 2."

And how about a prequel?

I want to be Joan Rivers when I grow up - just so I can live like this. Side note: hold the plastic surgery and extreme bitchiness, please.

Here's at least one reason I'm glad I don't have a teenage girl in my house: A Twilight Cruise.

Vanessa Minnillo (TV "Host") is SO funny! She thinks Nick Lachey is going to buy her a 10 carat ring. Um, wouldn't he need to have a good paying job to afford that? Or is that ring going to be made out of candy. BTW - if you're looking to get me something, THAT would be fabulous!

I know actresses wear wigs in movies, but had no idea Kate Winslet went this far for "The Reader!"

Angelina Jolie is more powerful than OPRAH? Hmmm...

Sabrina The Teenage Witch is really, um, witchy.

Here's something super cute: Britney's boys dancing to her music

What the heck happened to Gwyneth's legs?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Pass The Soap (And Deodorant, Too)!

OK. This post is a little mean. However, if I don't write it, it will probably just bug me for a while. So allow me to get this off my chest.

What is the deal with some of these celebrities who always seem to look like a good shower is the last thing they want? I mean, they have it all - don't they? Why is it they leave home with greasy hair? I'm not nearly as busy as these people, yet even I manage to shower before I leave home.

My first two offenders:
Yes, Cameron and Drew are at an outdoor concert, where it's most likely incredibly hot. But this is not the first time I've seen these two looking less than fresh. Most recently, I spotted Cameron with pit stains at the MTV Movie Awards. This leads me to believe she doesn't wear deodorant. Now, I don't care if your sweat doesn't stink. You should at the very least put on some deodorant so we don't have to see your sweaty pits. Be a freaking lady!

Another offender:
Kate, Kate, Kate. I get that you like hippy dudes who like to smoke (and I'm not talking about cigarettes). But every time I see you, I want to come at you with a bottle of Febreeze!

I could name a few more, but I'll stop there.

Let me end by saying that when I see these ladies on the red carpet or at award shows, all dolled-up, they look amazing. I want to BE them! But that's only for that short time. It's clear they don't want to spend much time making themselves look presentable. I suppose with their celebrity status they don't have to. People have already seen what they can look like - good and bad. No need to make a good first impression. I get that.

All I ask is that ordinary people don't think it's OK to go about life without regular use of soap, deodorant and toothpaste. It's a big planet, but it's not THAT big that I won't be able to smell you.