Monday, February 28, 2011

Month In Google

It took eight days, but Google finally got around to this:
It was to educate Googlers about Jules Verne.

On the 11th, Google posted this:
It marked what would have been Thomas Edison's 164th birthday.

Google was all about love on Valentine's Day.

That's all? I kind of thought they would have done more on Black History Month. Kind of a disappointment, Google.

11 Stars Who Should Host The Oscars

While watching the Academy Awards last night, I spotted a few stars who might would be less awkward hosts than James Franco and Anne Hathaway.

It's not that I didn't love them, it's just that I'd rather watch them in movies than host (that's even with Anne's amazing voice and gorgeous self). So, in order of appearance, here are the stars I'd rather see host the Oscars.

Alec Baldwin
Yes, he's hosted before. But he's good at it! He's funny. He's quick. And he's not afraid to poke fun of others - or himself - to entertain/ease tension.

Plus, I could listen to him read Google (I don't know if they make phone books anymore, so this is a good option) and not get bored.


Also, note to the people who stack this show with star appearances/presenters: if you choose people who are comfortable on stage/have hosted, they make your hosts look not-so-good - especially if the hosts look like they're trying to hard to act like they're having a good time. Or if they look like they're high.

Justin Timberlake
There is nothing this guy can't do!

He sings (though I'm getting a little tired of waiting on him to get to the studio and make a new album)!

He dances (last I saw, he was dancing on talk shows - appears to be limiting himself to 30 seconds at a time)!

He's funny ("I'm Banksy." And have you caught him on SNL? Dude seems to bring out the funny in everyone on that show)!

Also, he's eye candy. And he's charming. And he's a little bit like Alec Baldwin in that he can pick up on the crowd and serve up what's needed to keep things moving.

Billy Crystal
Yes, he's hosted eight times.

So what?

He's GOOD! Like a good host, he walks the line between honest criticism of the show and being funny.

Plus, it doesn't seem like he's really doing  movies lately, so let's give him a job. We already know he won't disappoint! He didn't get that standing ovation for nothing! I think the crowd wanted him to just take over. I know I did!

Jeff Bridges
He might be an odd choice, but he is one of the most likable people in Hollywood. It's not just because he's The Dude.

He can sing (see Crazy Heart).

He can pull off a funny line.

He's charming.

He has a beard.

What more can you possibly need in a host?

Sandra Bullock
The only lady I saw take the stage last night and thought, "She's so great, why isn't she hosting this?"

She's gorgeous.

She's quick.

She's funny.

And after her horrible 2010, I don't think there's anyone who could say a bad thing about her - not even Bombshell McGee.

Seriously, Academy people. Consider Sandy.

PS 22

Look, I know they're not stars in everyone's universe. But they're among the most popular kids on YouTube - and that counts for something these days. If these kids just sang/hummed the music from the movies nominated and the show went without a monologue and just got right down to the awards, this would be fine by me.

Those are my suggestions for next year - just from the people who showed up on last night's telecast. Other people I wouldn't mind seeing host:
  • Tina Fey
  • Amy Poehler
  • Neil Patrick Harris
  • Jon Hamm
  • Matt Damon
I won't even demand payment if any of them are chosen. I just ask that they serve booze at the show so I have a better chance of "winning" my drinking game.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Oscars Live Blog/Drinking Game

Saturday, I made my Oscar picks. Tonight, I live blog the results. To make this exciting/interesting, I will do the same thing I did with the Golden Globes: turn this event into a drinking game. The rules are simple.

I will drink:
  1. When a winner thanks God.
  2. When a winner thanks their Momma.
  3. When a winner cries.
  4. When a winner curses.
  5. When a winner is cut off by the music.
And I'm adding a few more to that list (these were suggested here):
  1. When the hosts make fun of each other.
  2. When the hosts laugh a little too hard.
  3. When someone I did not pick to win gets the statue.

Nice little montage of the best picture nominees set to scary music. Makes me a little frantic. Wish that meant I could drink. Then, Anne and James insert themselves into Inception. Love the cameo with Alec Baldwin who fell asleep before he could tell Anne the secret to hosting the Oscars. Oh, they're in Alec's dream. The Facebook movie is also in the dream. So's The Fighter. Now, they're in True Grit. Anne is the little girl riding up with the bear (played by James). Morgan Freeman! He narrates Alec's dreams! UNFAIR! They travel back to old timey England. then, a stop in Black Swansville. Anne is the brown duck. James is wearing a leotard that shows a bit too much of hismelf. They find Alec. He said if it were his dream, he'd be hosting the Oscars. He said it was a dream within a dream and said, "You just got Inceptioned!" And now they're - Back to The Future? Did they just want to get in that silly DeLorean? James has his cell phone. Is he Tweeting? Anne is wearing a gorgeous white gown. Celebs are clapping - probably because they know these hosts won't be mean to them.

Anne seems excited, James doesn't seem to be that interested. He points out that he's nominated. Anne acts disappointed about getting naked and not being nominated. FIRST DRINK! James said he's not nervous. Oh, shout outs to their moms. She told Anne to stand up straight - then pointed and said, "Steven Spielberg is over there." Why does Anne keep holding her stomach? Is she going to throw up? James introduces his grandmother. She says, "I just saw Marky Mark." James corrects her to say that it's Mark Wahlberg. Lesbian jokes. Not funny.

Clip of 1939's Gone With The Wind. Random.

Tom Hanks gave the hosts a thumbs up, then got on with his presentation. No award yet. Another clip, this time one from The Titanic. Finally! The first award is for Achievement in Art Direction. REALLY? STARTING THE SHOW OFF WITH AN AWARD THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN ON ANOTHER DAY? The winner is: Alice in Wonderland. You people better hurry! They will play you out because no one - other than art directors - cares about this category!

Hanks gives out the award for Achievement in Cinematography. The winner is: Inception. Dude - glasses on the forehead. Not anyone's best look. The clock is ticking. I'm losing interest and we have more than three hours to go! He thanked his mom! ANOTHER DRINK!

Anne's still wearing the same dress. Kirk Douglas is the next presenter. Oh, he's using a cane. Couldn't they just place him somewhere so he wouldn't have to walk? Standing ovation for the old guy. Sweet. If I cry, can I drink? He told James that he looks much better out of the cave. He thanked Anne and said, "She's gorgeous! Where were you when I was making pictures?" He said some things I couldn't understand. I want to hug him! He's presenting the nominees for Best Supporting Actress. I'm pretty sure everyone else is thinking, "Why are we sitting through this? Melissa Leo is winning." Kirk said Hugh Jackman was laughing. He said, "I don't know why everyone in Australia thinks I'm funny. Colin Firth is not laughing. He's British. (Shot of Colin trying not to giggle)." James gives him the envelope. More stalling. These ladies are going to rush the stage! He said he was nominated three times and lost every time. The winner is: Melissa Leo! Hailee was my pick - DRINK AGAIN! She had Kirk pinch her. He said, "You're much more beautiful than you were in The Fighter." Then, some guy pulled Kirk away. Melissa was at a loss for words. She thanked everyone from the movie. She's crying. DRINK AGAIN! She said, "When I watched Kate two years ago, it looked so f---ing easy!" DRINK AGAIN! She thanked mom! DRINK AGAIN! Love her - not just because I got four drinks out of her win.

Anne said, "I thought 'F' stood for The Fighter." Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake are the next presenters. Justin said, "I'm Banksy." Why don't they have Justin host this? They're presenting the awards for animated films. First, Best Animated Short Film. The winner is: The Lost Thing. Blah blah blah. Don't care. Next, Best Animated Feature Film. The winner is: Toy Story 3. OH GOOD! The only one of the animated films I saw! He thanked the Academy and Pixar. He thanked his parents - DRINK AGAIN!

Anne's still in the white dress. Another clip from the past: this one showing the first Oscars ceremony. Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem take the stage in matching cream-colored jackets. They are presenting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay. The winner is: Aaron Sorkin for The Social Network. He is brilliant. Will I win a drink from his speech??? Points for referencing Network. LOVE that movie! HE THANKED HIS MOM - DRINK AGAIN! Uh oh. MUSIC! THAT TOTALLY COUNTS - DRINK AGAIN! He also told his daughter that he just won the Academy Award. He's asking for respect from her guinea pig. Sweet. Picture with Justin Timberlake is a bonus. You're welcome.

Next award - Best Original Screenplay. The winner is: David Seidler for The King's Speech. He couldn't quite see the microphone. He started by talking about his father, who said that he'd be a late bloomer. He said he's the oldest person to win this award. He hoped the record was broken quickly and often. He thanked his kids, then everyone else involved in that wonderful movie. He thanked The Queen. He accepted the award on behalf of all the stutterers around the world.

Anne's in a tuxedo. She sings an original song, calling out Hugh Jackman for not singing with her. AWKWARD. I'm drinking. Yes, Anne can sing, but this is boring me. James came out dressed like Marilyn Monroe from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. He said he just got a text from Charlie Sheen.

Russell Brand and Helen Mirren are the next presenters. Their category is for Best Foreign Language Film. Helen spoke in French, with Russell "translating." The winner is: In A Better World. Haven't seen that one. Adding it to my Netflix queue. Must know if it's worthy. I can't tell if the lady is about to cry or she's struggling to find English words. DRINKING ANYWAY.

Reese Witherspoon and a super cute ponytail presents Best Supporting Actor. The winner is: Christian Bale. I always forget he's not from this country until I hear him speak not on film. He said he's not going to "drop the F-bomb (like Melissa), I've done that plenty before." He made a shout out to Dickie and He got choked up thanking his wife. COUNTS AS TEARS - DRINKING!

Some Academy dude is standing on the stage talking about the awards show and ABC sticking together through 2020. I want a piece of cake.

Anne's out of the tux and in a beautiful grey gown. Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman are the next presenters. Hey! Aussies! I should have made that a drinkable duo! They're talking about the importance of sound in films. Then, an orchestra breaks out into some of the most notable movie scores. They're presenting the award for Best Original Score. The winner is: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for The Social Network. Boring speech (translation: nothing urging me to drink).

Scarlet Johansson and Matthew McConaughey present Best Achievement in Sound Mixing. The winner is: the Inception bunch. MUSIC - DRINKING AGAIN! The next award: Best Achievement in Sound Editing. The winner is: Richard King for Inception. Is everyone going to thank Christopher Nolan since he didn't get nominated for his directing?

James is no longer wearing the dress.

Marisa Tomei recapped the technical awards (which were given away earlier in February).

Cate Blanchett presented (while wearing a doily) the award for Best Achievement in Makeup. After seeing a clip of The Wolfman, Cate said, "That's gross." The winner is: The Wolfman. I guess if this movie couldn't have monster ticket sales an Oscar will do nicely. The next award is for Best Achievement in Costume Design. The winner is: Colleen Atwood for Alice in Wonderland. Oh, man. She's reading her speech. Noooooo! Also, Madonna called from the 80s. She wants her gloves back. She's sniffling AND music is playing - I'M DRINKING TWICE!

Kevin Spacey sang "Top Hat is Sung" while introducing the nominees for Best Original Song. Randy Newman performed "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3. Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi performed "I See The Light" from Tangled.

Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal present the award for Best Documentary - Short Subject. The winner is: Strangers No More. Next award is for Best Live Action - Short Film. The winner is: God of Love. Luke Matheny and his hair accepted the award. He's reading too fast to have some emotion. NOTE: If I am ever so lucky to be nominated, I'm not writing anything down. I'm dropping F-bombs. HE THANKED HIS MOM - DRINKING AGAIN!

Just realized Anne has changed into a gold dress. MY EARS! MY GOD, MY EARS! They auto-tuned the movies. THIS IS HORRIBLE! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP OR I'LL BE FORCED TO DRINK UNTIL I'M DEAD!!! Oscar, never EVER do that to me again! Anne shimmied to make her dress move. STOP.

Oprah is in the hizzy! WHAT!?!? If they can auto-tune the movies, I can use that word. Wow. Oprah's breasticles are about to hop through my TV and smack me. She's presenting the award for Best Documentary Feature. The winner is: Inside Job. BOOO! I WANTED BANKSY! WAIT. THAT MEANS I CAN DRINK! Downer - talking about no financial jerks in jail. MUSIC - I'M DRINKING AGAIN!

Billy Crystal got lots of applause (some from me, as I wish he'd just take over). He said the show is running long - SHOCK. He gave a little Oscar history, talking about hosts. Bob Hope hosted 18 times? Wow! Billy hosted eight times. He told a sweet story about Bob giving him the finger when Billy was hosting. Then, a clip of Bob hosting. Wait. It's like a hologram. No way this is keeping the show on time. Fake Bob Hope voice tosses to Robert Downey, Jr., and Jude Law. Jude makes a crack at Robert being busted with a girl dressed as Bat Girl, which Robert corrects him - she was dressed as Wonder Woman. Why don't these two host the show? They're presenting the award for Best Visual Effects. The winner is: the Inception people. The next award is for Best Film Editing. The winner is: The Social Network team. Typical speeches - without meeting my drinking criteria. YAWN.

Anne's in a red dress. James made movie names sound dirty: Winter's Bone, Rabbit Hole, How To Train Your Dragon. I'M DRINKING!

Jennifer Hudson introduced the two final Best Original Song nominees. Florence performed "If I Rise" from 127 Hours. Gwyneth Paltrow performed "Coming Home" from Country Strong. The winner is: Randy Newman for "We Belong Together." Is he wearing a pinstripe tuxedo? He said he didn't want to thank all the people he was thanking. Also, he got ranty about there only being four songs nominated when the other categories have five.

Celine Dion performed "Smile" to the In Memoriam montage. These bits always remind me to have a nice picture of myself accessible in case something bad happens.

Halle Berry made a nice speech about Lena Horne, The Ground Breaker.

Now, Anne's in a blue dress. Hillary Swank introduced Kathryn Bigelow. They presented the award for Best Director. The winner is: Tom Hooper (pictured at right) for The King's Speech. So kind and British, he first thanked the other directors nominated. Then, he thanked Geoffrey Rush and Colin Firth - the "triangle of man love." He thanked everyone else who touched the movie. HE THANKED HIS MOM - FINALLY, I CAN DRINK AGAIN! She saw the play The King's Speech and told him she'd found his next film. GREAT story! He also said, "Listen to your mother." Mothers everywhere will use this story to get their kids to eat vegetables, do homework, shower, cut their hair and sit up straight. Or they'll never win an Oscar.

James introduced Annette Bening. She talked about more Oscar history - this time, lifetime achievements. Out come Kevin Brownlow, Francis Ford Coppola and Eli Wallach. Did they win an award and not get a chance to thank anyone? Whatever. I'M DRINKING BECAUSE I KNOW ONE OF THEM WOULD MEET MY CRITERIA IF THEY WERE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO SPEAK!

Jeff Bridges and his beard is presenting the award for Best Actress. Love that he said such kind words about the ladies before the clips of their performances played. The winner is: Natalie Portman for Black Swan. She's emotional - not crying yet. She thanked her parents - I'M DRINKING! Tears - DRINKING AGAIN! She thanked everyone who she works with. She thanked her friends. She thanked everyone who has ever hired her. She thanked Mike Nichols, Darren Aronofsky. She thanked the people who helped her train for the movie. She thanked her baby daddy for giving her the most important role of her life. She's not done! She thanked the people who did her hair and makeup, the wardrobe people, the makeup lady, the AD, the camera operators. She thanked her family, friends and love once again. I forgive her. She's pregnant. And shaking.

Anne introduced Sandra Bullock. Sandy is presenting the award for Best Actor. FINALLY! This show is picking up steam! She said kind words to the nominees before tossing to the clips. LOVE her so much, I'd like to see her get a shot at hosting! After watching these clips, I think it should be a five-way tie. These dudes were all AWESOME! The winner is: Colin Firth for The King's Speech. I did not realize this is his first win and only his second nomination. Colin said, "I have a feeling my career has just peaked." Oh, I don't know if he's going to throw up or break out into dance. I couldn't love him more! He thanked the crew and cast. He thanked Harvey Weinstein for taking him on when he was a "child sensation." He also thanked Tom Ford. He thanked his wife for putting up with his delusions of royalty. Then, he said he had some impulses to attend to back stage - PLEASE LET IT BE A DANCE AND PLEASE LET THERE BE A CAMERA TO CAPTURE IT!

Steven Spielberg presented the award for Best Motion Picture. The winner is: The King's Speech. Oh, yay! Not that I didn't love the other movies, but I never would have thought that a movie about an old stuttering dude and his speech coach would be so captivating! Well done! OOH! THEY'RE PLAYING OUT ONE GUY! ONE LAST DRINK!

Anne has changed one last time. James still doesn't look like he had a good time. Closing it out with the chorus from PS 22 in New York. They sang "Over The Rainbow."

Well, that does it. I only made it through one large glass of red wine over these three hours. I'm not even tipsy! And, Academy Awards people, James and Anne were a safe bet. I'm not opposed to actors hosting. I'd just like some that are a little more likely to be snarky and more than just readers.

That's all.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

My Oscar Picks

On Oscar Eve, I thought I'd commit to my picks. Also, I finally saw Toy Story 3 last night, so I've now seen all ten movies nominated in the best picture category (this makes me officially qualified to make picks). So here goes!

Best Picture
This is the second year The Academy has nominated ten films in this category. I liked, no, loved them all. I didn't even feel lukewarm about one film. Instead of choosing just one, I'm going to rank them.
  1. The King's Speech
  2. Inception
  3. The Fighter
  4. Black Swan
  5. The Social Network
  6. 127 Hours
  7. The Kids Are All Right
  8. True Grit
  9. Winter's Bone
  10. Toy Story 3
All movies were great - and, with the exceptions of Toy Story 3 and True Grit, were original or based on true stories. I love that! I really wish Hollywood would focus more on films of this nature than reboots/sequels. It was hard to rank these movies, but I did it. Looking at it, I feel as if I could move them around again. But I won't. I'll stick with this ranking.

Best Actor
I have seen all but one of these nominees (Javier Bardem's Biutiful is in my Netflix queue). Jeff Bridges was really good in True Grit. Jesse Eisenberg was good in The Social Network (I give the credit to Aaron Sorkin and his amazing script). I think this category comes down to the final two nominees: Colin Firth in The King's Speech and James Franco in 127 Hours. These two movies included many closeups of these actors' faces - no words needed to express their emotions. They were FEELING it. I was not the biggest fan of Franco until I saw his performance in that cave. When he makes every cut to free himself, I was riveted. I only looked away when he made that final cut. I did not pass out/throw up, but I felt it. And when Firth struggles to get a syllable out - I was rooting for him. So in this category, I have to go with my heart: COLIN FIRTH

Best Supporting Actor
Every one of these nominees made these films worth watching. John Hawkes was really good in Winter's Bone. Jeremy Renner was creepy good in The Town. Mark Ruffalo was charming in The Kids Are All Right. Geoffrey Rush was outstanding in The King's Speech. But I cannot imagine Christian Bale not winning for his role in The Fighter.  It's not just his super skinny appearance or thinning hair that makes me root for him (or his expletive-laden tirade that made headlines two years ago). I found myself wanting to hate him for his drug addiction that had dragged him down, but wanting to love him for his passion for boxing and support of his brother. For those reasons, my pick is: CHRISTIAN BALE.

Best Actress
The only performance I can't formally rate is Nicole Kidman's in Rabbit Hole (I can say that I've seen the trailer a few times and her face moves, which might be why she was nominated). I felt like when I saw Annette Bening in The Kids Are All Right that I had seen her play the high-strung woman before (ahem, American Beauty). Jennifer Lawrence was captivating in Winter's Bone, but I wanted more. Michelle Williams was heartbreaking in Blue Valentine, but I sometimes felt like she was as detached from the viewer as she was from her soon-to-be-ex-husband. So, my pick is: NATALIE PORTMAN. I loved her not just for the freakishly-thin figure she rocked the whole movie, but because she had me questioning what was happening for most of the movie. She was haunting and unbelievably amazing as a ballerina on the edge.

Best Supporting Actress
I haven't seen Animal Kingdom, so I have no idea what to think about Jacki Weaver. I have seen the other performances - all brilliant. Amy Adams was really good in The Fighter. And Melissa Leo in that same movie - wow. I mean, I have loved her since I first saw her on Homicide: Life on the Streets. But she didn't seem to be in as much of the movie as I had hoped (I thought stage moms were more influential?). If ever there was a quirky non-Tim Burton role better suited for Helena Bonham Carter, it was The King's Speech. She was such the cheerleader in this movie that I couldn't help but like her - and that's saying a lot for me. I usually see her as caricature. Despite those amazing ladies, my pick is: HAILEE STEINFELD. Without her, True Grit would not have been half as good. She was the toughest girl I've seen in a movie in a while. And she was a true scene stealer among some of the best actors.

Documentary Feature
I want this to win because I want to see Banksy accept the Oscar in costume. The other documentaries are good, too, but I want to see this followed through. Reward the talent of these street artists! Yes, the others were powerful (and political), but this was just about art. LOVED it.

Those are the only categories I'm really excited about. But I'll still watch the entire show. I'll live blog it (and of course make it a drinking game) right here tomorrow night.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Week In Pop Culture

If Chris Brown blames Satan for releasing those photos of a beaten up Rihanna, it's safe to say Satan blames Chris Brown for slamming his fists into Rihanna's pretty face.

Look who's still alive!

Is Regis really regretting his decision to leave his talk show?

Charo doesn't like Gaga.

Here's a little something on Stevie Nicks' new album.

Kelsey Grammer is getting married today.

Kristin Davis makes sense here.

Remember little Rudy Huxtable? This might not refresh your memory.

Charlie Sheen is totally taunting CBS. And it backfired. And I believe he may still be abusing nose candy.

So, Kanye is all about safe sex. Did we need to know that?

I'm not sure about this Ben Affleck/Matt Damon partnership.

Looks like it's time to start the clock on when Christina Aguilera will check into rehab.

These are two of my favorite musical moments on TV this week.

Ricky Gervais is worth a lot of money.

I don't know if these two will be great Oscar hosts, but they look like they're having fun.

Also, if they feel like they're losing the audience, they could always go with what Ricky Gervais wrote them.

Catherine Zeta-Jones has an official title (other than Mrs. Michael Douglas).

Gwyneth Paltrow.

ANOTHER movie is being remade. Seriously, Hollywood, how about something original? This one is also not necessary.

Not sure if this is Jennifer Lopez acting or if she's being sincere.

Penelope Cruz is another celeb whose body seems to easily rebound after having a baby.

Cher is telling her Tweeps about her disappointment over not being nominated for an Academy Award.

Not that I have any desire to see John Travolta movies made after 1985, but this makes me less interested in his new movie.

I am totally on board with this girl repping Madonna and child's clothing line.

Lynda Carter has a few things to say about the Wonder Woman reboot.

Halle Berry had to know this dress was see-through.

When invited to be a guest on The View, don't trash Barbara.

So, not everyone wants to see that swimsuit model au natural. And from this picture, I've seen enough of her.

If this show sees the light of day, I'll probably check it out.

I wouldn't dare post the photo, so here's a link to Roseanne in a bathing suit.

OOOH! LOOK! It's the 60s again!

Maybe it's because the movie came out when I was a kid, but I never would have thought this about Desperately Seeking Susan.

Believe it or not - this is Beyonce.

Justin Timberlake wants you to know this. I want him to know that I want him to make more music. Like two years ago.

I like the idea of these ladies touring together, but I think my ears would hurt from all the high notes.

Someone needs to pull Rihanna aside and tell her this is a bad idea. And this is even worse. And she probably shouldn't do this either.

Retirement must not be all that I hope. Larry King is hitting the road.

If this lady joins the DWTS cast, I predict she will be The Awkward One. But this casting news excites me!

Alyssa Milano is preggers.

Turns out that product placement in Britney's new video was for cash. Good for her?

At least this kid's hair cut was for a good cause.

Not sure if this is a sign of Charlie Sheen's progress.

BREAKING NEWS: This actress cut her hair.

Oh, Janet Jackson. No.

One of the most annoying Real Housewives cast member is hosting a red carpet Oscar show on CNN (which I'm pretty sure no one watches - not even at CNN).

Here's Richard Simmons wearing more than those tiny shorts.

I'm sure there's nothing naughty happening between these two, but this just looks weird.

I can't believe Kate (of William and Kate) is willing to share her day with these stars.

So this is what John Travolta looks like without a hairpiece?

Lindsay Lohan is headed back to work (if she doesn't go to prison).

As if I didn't have reason not to like him already, Jesse James is writing a "tell-all" book.

I am totally blaming James Cameron for this.

Another American Idol was dropped from his label. See why I quit this show?

Something tells me Jennifer Aniston's home may be on the market for a while.

Guess who's coming back to ABC this fall?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

More Silly Things

I've seen a few more things that have made me wonder what the hell is going on in this world - or is it just in this country? Here are three things I think we can all do without.

The Girlfriend Jean
You might remember the boyfriend jean, denim cut to look like a lady just tossed on her man's pants, rolled up the hem and just went. Maybe it's because I'm not six feet tall, but I thought they looked a little dumpy. Comfortable (which I love), but dumpy.

Now, Levi's has given fellas a way to show their, well, everything. It's the girlfriend jean. Because what lets a girl know who really wears the pants in the relationship than a dude wearing uncomfortably tight jeans? These are beyond hipster. They're kind of creepy.

How many of you ladies would want your man to wear these? And what would you do if you didn't buy them for him? They are so snug, they might as well be leggings - also inappropriate man attire.

If I catch a man wearing these, I'm going to punch him in the junk. Know why? BECAUSE:

  1. His junk will be unmissable.
  2. He clearly needs feeling there.
  3. I can.
Ladies (and gentlemen), I totally get that we all want to look a little better. But if you're the before in this picture and want that after image to fill out your clothes, the only time you should do this is for a gag - or maybe an event where people will never see you again.


Because if someone thinks you have, what are the right words here, actual junk in the trunk and then learns you only have empty space, this is one awkward conversation. Also, you probably won't be able to get the words out before someone touches your fake booty. 

And if you're asking why I included gentlemen in this discussion, well they can buy some silicone parts, too. Creepy dudes take note: the "package booster" is on clearance! 

I have a few questions about how these actually work.
  1. If you don't have much padding in the backside, do these silicone things move around? It'd be especially embarrassing if you had one cheek high, the other low!
  2. Do they cool? Because the fake booties seem hot. And I bet if they get hot, you go right back to question one.
  3. Do they come with suggestions on how to have a conversation about the fake booty? Or even better - is there a card/email you can send that says, "I know you like my booty, but you can have one, too!"
  4. Why is there no video testimonial of a guy who uses the "package booster?"
Man Spanx
I'm not even sure why Spanx is making these things for men. What also threw me, when I spotted this at the mall, was why they had a video of dudes like Justin Timberlake playing. I don't think the guys in the video playing next to the undergarments were saying they wear them, I think it was more of a subliminal thing like, "Guys, if you buy these to smooth belly bulge or add a bulge in your pants, starlets will drop their panties for you." Creepy.

I mean, I have seen one of my coworkers wear what was essentially a compression garment during a recent cold spell and I kept yelling at him to stop touching himself because he was constantly trying to pull the garment from his body so he could breathe.

Fellas, if you're thinking about this, let me just tell you this: be prepared to essentially suck in your gut the entire day. It's not comfortable. And when you finally take these things off, your body will hate you. It will also demand you have beer, pizza and ice cream - not necessarily in that order.

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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I Miss These Girls!

Today, one of my favorite singers, Adele, releases her new album. I already LOVE the first single:

I love this song even though Julie has drawn my attention from Adele's amazing voice to the backup singers and their super cheery "You're gonna wish you never had met me!"

Adele's new music has made me excited for other ladies who are releasing new music - even though it means I have to buy a new iPod to make room for them.

Lady Gaga
Go ahead, make fun of her appearance, but this Lady has a way of getting a hook stuck in my head. Also, she can actually sing without the gimmick (take that, Ke$ha!). The first song from her new album makes me happy.

Yes, it sounds a bit like Madonna's "Express Yourself." I liked that song, too!

I have read that this lady is furiously working on her new album - which is great because while I love this song:

I'm ready for something new. Plus, I feel like she's taunting me in those makeup ads. Speaking of...

Gwen Stefani
I see her in those L'Oreal ads and it doesn't make me think of red lipstick. It reminds me that it's been a REALLY long time since Gwen dropped this:

How B-A-N-A-N-A-S is that? I know she's been busy having babies and designing super cool clothes, but I want her back in the studio ASAP!

Kelly Clarkson
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that her new music will be a little more like her last album because I love singing along with this song:

So as long as I get more songs like that, I'll be happy.

The Ting Tings
I know, this is a group (and there's a guy), but I am waiting for something to follow up this:

I like that it's simple and a bit chanty. Sometimes that helps during my commute.

Missy Elliot
Seriously, where has she been? It's been a long time since this:

I know Missy has appeared on other people's songs, but I want her to release her own album, like, yesterday!

Lauryn Hill
Oh, how I love The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill!

I know she's on the crazy train, making people wait four hours or more to hear her play, but if she could get back to making music like THAT, I'd be on board!

Now, my iPod is not full of pop music. I have a little bit of everything. But there's something about a pop song that makes me happy. Maybe it's the fine line between rage and sugary-sweet lyrics or the fact that I don't listen to the radio (it just ruins songs by playing them so often I can't listen to them any more).

PS - I'm also excited about the new Dr. Dre!

Monday, February 21, 2011

I Got You A Card For Presidents Day

Because I don't know who's reading this, I thought I'd share one for all of you. Try to guess which one is yours.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Week In Pop Culture

Look at this super-stylish mother and son.
If you want to see Britney Spears promote products, I mean her new video, click here.

Not sure I'll tune in to this episode of Oprah.

Michael Jackson's estate made ridiculous bank, but it's not enough to get out of the red.

Oh, Detroit!

That Three Stooges movie is not only happening, it might have Cher!

This character is my favorite on SNL!

The guys behind Glee are working on a totally different TV project.

I don't understand how there can be a TV show about Chelsea Handler that does not star Chelsea Handler.

This girl rocks!

Sometimes I read things that make me ragey. This is one of them.

This does not make me want to go to the opera.

I can't believe this lady turned down DWTS!

Why do people keep expecting George Clooney to suddenly become a family man?

This old singer has a new baby.

Dear Sarah Jessica Parker: STOP.

If you want to see how Taylor Swift spent her tropical vacation, click here.

L-O-V-E this girl!

I haven't read a kids' book in a while, but this sounds fun!

This seems like a strange tattoo to get on your birthday. Also, totally don't get the rib tattoos. Looks painful.

David Cassidy won't go to jail.

I don't care what Facebook says, I like Oreos more than Lil Wayne.

So, this is the new Wonder Woman?

Charlie Sheen is now offering advice to Lindsay Lohan. And so is this guy?

DAMMIT! Sofia Vergara even looks pretty while eating! Also, I'm glad she's not sticking with her natural hair color.

YAY! Another awards show! Or as I call it, "another drinking game!"

This actress, whose work I've never seen, is pregnant again.

So, Halle Berry's baby daddy might not be racist after all. And now, all is right with that pretty couple. For now.

I had no idea Matt Damon was in the running for this movie.

Here's a way to get Baby Boomers to go to the ballet.

Looks like I'll need earplugs to watch this year's Oscars.

This cat fight may be the ONLY reason I'll check out Celebrity Apprentice.

I'm beginning to think that "Prince" who married Zsa Zsa is not good with money.

I've had this dream.
I bet the people who picked on this lady are eating their words.

Frankie Muniz is not cool.

I'm happy that Paula Abdul dance show that I watched but did not enjoy won't be coming back for a second season.

Someone should take away Charlie Sheen's phone.

Fame is bad for families.

Those Beliebers (cannot believe I just typed that) are mean kids.

Here ya go, fellas.

Soon, you'll be able to watch Roseanne on her nut farm on your TV (or not).

OOOH! HBO will air a Lady Gaga concert.

I cannot believe the NY Times forgot about Whoopi's Oscar!

I'm super excited this show got a second season!

The cast just keeps getting more amazing for Batman 3.

Lady Gaga made the most bizarre entrance to the Grammy's. Also, Christina Aguilera literally fell - not like that Superbowl stumble.

See more Grammy's fashion here.

Who cares who won the BAFTAs? Look at what the ladies wore!

Are those Spanx?

People may have gotten sick at the Playboy Mansion (not STDs).

That Friends money apparently goes a long way.

This seems like a better fit for the Aretha Franklin movie. I couldn't have seen Halle Berry in the role.

Elizabeth Taylor is back in the hospital.

Rest in peace, Kenneth Mars.
And Betty Garrett.
And "Uncle Leo."

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I Can Be Wonder Woman!

As a kid, I wanted to be Wonder Woman. I saw her as strong and tough - a woman who might fool guys with her starred panties and golden boobies, then wrap them in her truth lasso and show them who's boss. Wait. That sounded almost like network porn (you know, what you'd see in primetime on ABC). I didn't mean it that way. I just mean that she was a gorgeous woman who didn't take crap from anyone. If that isn't role model material for a young girl, I don't know what is (and if you name a Disney starlet, I will make you eat those words in five years or less)!

I'm really not on board with the new Wonder Woman. Every now and then, I see things that remind me of this uber-role model and I get excited about her all over again. Like this:
Oh, I remember being excited about that as a child! I was less excited when I saw them on eBay. Now, this is more to my liking (and comfort level):
I am giving serious thought to those since I would feel comfortable walking outside to get my newspaper in them than those Underoos (note: I would not do that unless I had lost my mind). And I think they're still better than pajama jeans.

Then, I learned MAC Cosmetics was rolling out Wonder Woman makeup!
How cool would that be in my bag?!?

Or these:
With colors like "Defiance," "Lady Justice," "Emancipation" and "Secret Identity," I feel like I could BE Wonder Woman!

And these:
Well, that red called "Obey Me," would make me supreme ruler of (my) universe!

I think a Wonder Woman boost may be just what I need. Or it's the sure ticket to the looney bin. I'm a grown woman who is considering living life as a super hero without the danger. And the invisible plane.