I Can Be Wonder Woman!

As a kid, I wanted to be Wonder Woman. I saw her as strong and tough - a woman who might fool guys with her starred panties and golden boobies, then wrap them in her truth lasso and show them who's boss. Wait. That sounded almost like network porn (you know, what you'd see in primetime on ABC). I didn't mean it that way. I just mean that she was a gorgeous woman who didn't take crap from anyone. If that isn't role model material for a young girl, I don't know what is (and if you name a Disney starlet, I will make you eat those words in five years or less)!

I'm really not on board with the new Wonder Woman. Every now and then, I see things that remind me of this uber-role model and I get excited about her all over again. Like this:

Oh, I remember being excited about that as a child! I was less excited when I saw them on eBay. Now, this is more to my liking (and comfort level):

I am giving serious thought to those since I would feel comfortable walking outside to get my newspaper in them than those Underoos (note: I would not do that unless I had lost my mind). And I think they're still better than pajama jeans.

Then, I learned MAC Cosmetics was rolling out Wonder Woman makeup!

How cool would that be in my bag?!?

Or these:

With colors like "Defiance," "Lady Justice," "Emancipation" and "Secret Identity," I feel like I could BE Wonder Woman!

And these:

Well, that red called "Obey Me," would make me supreme ruler of (my) universe!

I think a Wonder Woman boost may be just what I need. Or it's the sure ticket to the looney bin. I'm a grown woman who is considering living life as a super hero without the danger. And the invisible plane.

What The Wonder Woman?

I think many young girls wanted to be Wonder Woman. While many of us may have had to live that dream during playtime or during actual dreams in Wonder Woman underroos (which, to my surprise, are not only still available, but can be found in adult sizes!), she was still a good example.

She had it all! She was pretty. She was smart. She was strong. She had the coolest tools (invisible plane, truth lasso, magic bracelets - she could accessorize). And, when she spun around...

Gold!

Even as I look at that clip, I think she'd be such a good role model today. Those granny panties hid her lady bits on bottom, while that golden top held just enough of her boobs to make the boys watch. You would never see that exact costume on Halloween. Instead, the Wonder Woman of this century has been whored out.

Before:

After:

And then, came this:

Who is that woman? Yes, she's more covered up than the Wonder Woman I love. Those legs are covered up by leggings. Her strong shoulders are now wrapped in a leather jacket. Her magic bracelets have been replaced by some sort of bum gloves. And those awesome red boots are replaced by, I don't know, some sort of hip looking orthopedic shoes. And while her cleavage might be larger, you wouldn't notice it if not for the large swollen area on her her chest. There's nothing real about this new version of my beloved super hero. She looks like Barbie with a bad wig in the most ridiculous workout gear ever!

I bet this Wonder Woman is more cougar - interested in tying up young boys not for the truth but for something much naughtier. She probably couldn't be bothered to fly her own invisible plane. She's probably too Botoxed to show emotion.

This impostor is no super hero! She's a super skank! I want my old Wonder Woman back! And I might just want those underroos, too...