Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wayne Brady Had A Dream...

And it was nothing like MLK's dream. Also, watch Mike Tyson "dance." It's like slow-motion punching with a full-body dry heave.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

15 Actors/Actresses I Can No Longer Watch

I don't know how or when it happened, but I have realized that there are many actors and actresses that I used to really like. Now, they are just not enough to draw me to the theater - or even find space in my Netflix queue.

John Travolta

Saturday Night Fever, Grease - oh how I love those movies! I tolerated Look Who's Talking. Then, I moved on.

Pulp Fiction made me see John in a whole new (potty mouthed) light. Instead of choosing good parts, he followed that fantastic film with a series of bad and really bad roles.

I can look past the whole Scientology thing. I have never heard he's a bad guy - I've always heard he's one of the nicest people you could meet. But until I see a trailer for a movie that was not made to appeal to just people 30 years older or younger than myself, I cannot watch his new movies - not even on HBO.

Tom Cruise

The last movie I saw him in was Knight and Day. The only nice thing I can say: he is still at his best in an action film. However, this action film at its best was bad.

Looking at his film career, I realize I have loved a lot of his work (most recently, his brief part in "Tropic Thunder" was hilarious). If he's the star of a movie, that's just not good enough for me. If he's part of an ensemble cast that is filled with people I love, I would drop everything and see his movie on opening weekend. Now, I'm not even sure his movies get a first look on their first run on HBO.

I guess his wackiness in his personal life - and that creepy trying-too-hard grin - are just too much for me. It's sad. I have loved his movies since the 80s (I was just a little girl, so back off). I'd like to see a trailer with Tom in it and get excited about the movie. Wow me, Tom! Otherwise, no popcorn for you.

Mel Gibson

I have written about my distaste for this guy before. But I decided to revisit his career.

I have to go back 15 years to see a movie listed that I really liked: Braveheart.

I don't know if there's anything Mel could do to win me back.

He probably doesn't care.

Matthew McConaughey

I've said it on Twitter and I'll say it here: this guy's best role was Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. A look at his career can be summed up in two genres: romantic comedies that are the same but have different titles/leading ladies (though Kate Hudson has appeared more than once) and really bad attempts at action. He's also peppered in a few dramatic roles that are slightly better.

I don't care how many times he takes off his shirt - or if he does an entire movie topless, I cannot watch his work. He always sounds the same (high), looks the same (a smidge greasy) and can only bounce between two facial expressions: surprise (mouth open) or smiling (pearly whites gleaming).

Charlie Sheen

My first memory of this guy was in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. He only had a brief part, but I think that was the first time I thought a bad boy was kinda hot.

Then came Wall Street. I couldn't decide if he was good or bad, but I knew he liked money.

And cocaine.

Now, it's all a blur. Lucas, Platoon, Major League - all good. The rest of his work just doesn't excite me. I think part of it may be his personal stuff (wife beating is a total turn off). I can't even watch that TV show of his. And I liked Ducky!

Jamie Foxx

When I first saw him on In Living Color, he made me laugh. That Wanda - crazy funny!

When I saw him taking serious roles, I was blown away! How could this guy pull that off?

Then, he had to go and make music.

And give comedy a try.

His career is like a pack of Starburst candy: I go right for the reds and pinks (dramas) and skip over the yellows and greens (comedies). The folks at Fox have given his new sketch comedy series the green light. I've tired of comedy that includes African Americans, Hispanics, Asians or any other race singling out their own to keep those stereotypes going. If that show is filled with "jokes" like that, it won't get any space on my DVR.

Vince Vaughn

Swingers was one of my favorite movies back in the day. Because of Vince Vaughn, I watched many more movies in which he starred: Made, Old School, Wedding Crashers.

Then, I realized he's EXACTLY the same in each movie. That makes him not funny. It makes him a bit annoying.

I get the feeling screenwriters create characters that talk just like him - because there is clearly not a difference in the real guy and the one on the big screen.

If I'm ever in the mood for a fast-talking insult-hurling guy, I'll watch another Vince movie. Until then, skip.

Kate Hudson

I thought she was this whimsical creature when I saw her in Almost Famous, I was a little curious about this girl - Goldie Hawn's daughter. I mean, she's her freaking twin!

Then came the long series of rom-coms. I was over her.

While I admire her red carpet style, I have previously written about what appear to be her questionable grooming habits. I just cannot watch someone in a movie when my mind starts wondering if the wardrobe department had to remind the star to shower before putting on the clothes (or if they just figure the lack of deodorant and looming pit stains will just mean the clothes have to be trashed after filming).

Take on a serious role, Kate, and you might have me. Just make the trailer good.

Renee Zellweger

I loved her in Jerry Maguire. I kind of liked her in Bridget Jones Diary. I even liked her in Chicago.

Now, I find her whiny and smooshy faced. She can't communicate. She's super awkward in interviews - which is part of her job as an actress. You gotta be able to promote your work. I can't watch someone who makes me so uncomfortable just talking about a movie. Total turnoff.

Plus, she seems to have hit the Botox hard.. While I admire her apparent love of exercise - running in particular - I think she's too skinny. She can keep turning out movies with big name stars, but I'll just wait until I can see those movies on HBO.

Jennifer Lopez

I thought she was fantastic in Selena. I loved her in Out of Sight. Then, came those high-profile romances.

I was curious about her relationship with Ben Affleck - he seemed so normal.

Then came Gigli.

I read all the reviews which all but told you to ask the couple to pay you to see the movie. Still, I watched it. It was even worse than I expected.

I never had any interest in seeing her romantic comedies because I just don't generally watch those movies. Gigli ruined her for me. I won't even watch her take on a serious role. Now, if she gets a TV gig, like a sitcom, I might give her another chance. But pay $8 to see her on the big screen? Not on your life.

Cast of Friends

I used to LOVE this show! Now, I watch the reruns and I don't laugh. So, what was wrong with me in the 90s that I always laughed when I watched it?

I have tried to watch these people in other movies or TV shows and I just don't like them. There is one exception: Matthew Perry.

I really liked that . Not good timing for NBC to run that AND 30 Rock at the same time. It was confusing. Two shows about a sketch comedy show? What were they thinking? I mean, they definitely got one of those shows to stick around, but still... They should have sent Perry's show to another network. He's also been funny in movies. So I give Matthew Perry the pass and will watch his new show on ABC.

I will never forgive Matt LeBlanc for Joey. David Schwimmer was slightly good in Band of Brothers (but he was also douchey, so we're back to square one). Courtney Cox could have stayed in my good graces if not for that awful Cougar Town. Lisa Kudrow seems stuck in the same confusing character. And Jennifer Aniston can't seem to make a movie (with the exception of The Good Girl) in which she does not play a neurotic, clingy woman.

So, there you have it. Hollywood, if you want me to see these people, you'd better make it good. Or buy my ticket, popcorn, candy and soda.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Not THIS Guy!

I am kind of missing my carpool days. Not because it kept me from filling up my gas tank once a week, but mainly because I am missing out on opportunities to photograph some license plates on the highway. It's just too dangerous for me to try to get a good picture while keeping my eyes on the road (and fiddling with my iPod - there, I said it). So, this highway picture comes from Adam.
In case you can't make out the special plate on that Corvette, here's a closer look.
I'm not sure if this guy thinks he's "Beating You," "Biting You" or "Baiting You." Whatever he's trying to say, I do get that he's likely a douche bag in a mid-life crisis. You can't see the driver in the picture, but I imagine he looks a little like this.

And he probably thinks that car will get him a taste of this guy's life.
So, no matter what he says, he's still an old guy in a sports car who probably considers the car and the doctor who prescribes his Viagra his best friends. If he finds this, I'll let him defend himself in the comments section. But I doubt I'm wrong. I've seen this guy a few too many times.

Related Posts:

Monday, September 27, 2010

Get This MFin Snake Out of My MFin Yard!

I had a bit of a scare last night. I opened the back door to let my dog out and something caught my eye.
I loudly whispered, "Snake!" as my dog walked past it. When I turned on the light, I saw that it wasn't very big. I reached for my phone and snapped a photo from as close as I could get while still keeping one toe in the house - you know, just in case it turned to come at me. Then, I closed the door and kept one eye on the snake, the other eye on the dog. My dog did pass the snake and it never made a move at him. Once he came in, I turned off the light and hoped that this snake was just some rogue guy passing through - not a scout looking for a new home for his snake family. Tell me this is a real possibility!

When the dog woke me up this morning, I was happy to see the snake was gone - or at least out of sight. I'm not exactly excited about going out into the backyard any time soon. Part of me hopes that when the yard guys come next week, they'll mow right over it.

I have no idea what kind of snake it is. It did not have a rattle, so I wasn't as scared as I could have been (read: I did not pee my pants). Hopefully, it's just one of those harmless yard snakes. Right?

Until then, this is the attitude I will take towards that snake and any other I spy in my yard. Note: I chose the edited version of this speech, but know that in real life, I am completely unbleeped.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

FINALLY - Good Customer Service

After a few bad experiences with big companies and their so-called customer service (see examples here and here), I wanted to share a few good experiences.
Sure Starbucks can squeeze out little coffee shops in a blink of an eye, but there's a part of me that likes that no matter where I go, the menu will always be familiar and I know that my coffee will come with a hint of charred beans.

Back to the compliment. I have had a Starbucks card for about six years that I recharge every month. The only thing I had earned from it was the occasional "cute card" comment from a barista. Then, a few months ago, I got an email saying I had earned GOLD CARD STATUS! At first, I thought this meant I could knock coffee out of hipsters hands, but then I read the fine print. Free birthday drink, free drink after every 15 drinks. They had me at free.

Then came the sadness: despite changing my address online and with an operator, they mailed the card to my old address - where I haven't lived for more than three and a half years. I emailed customer service and was told that if I didn't receive the card in six to eight weeks, to call and they'd send a replacement. Of course the card never made it to the right address (forwarding expired a long time ago). So, I called. I talked to a super nice guy who corrected the address and said not only would I receive my new gold card, I would also receive a few free coffees! And he was true to his word.
Gold card and two free drinks! Now, if only I could figure out how to transfer my previous card to this one. I want to show off my gold card. After all, I have earned it!

My next good experience has come from one of my favorite book store chains.
I have had two excellent experiences with Borders in the last couple of weeks. One involves a book that I pre-ordered months ago at an incredible discount. I had no idea that they checked the credit card monthly to make sure it was still valid. It wouldn't have been a problem, except I got a new debit card which had a new number (which reminded me of the bills I pay automatically that all had to be updated - grrr). When I called customer service, I was told they canceled the order because I did not call in three days, which the email did not say I needed to do. The customer service lady decided to place my order again, with the discount and wave the shipping to make things right. So, now, I'll get this book in November at an even better price!

Two weeks ago, I ordered two books (I fell off my book embargo a couple of weeks ago even though my nightstand pile of books is now dangerously high). I didn't need two books, but I ordered one that I wanted that just happened to be Oprah's book selection and came at a super discount. Then, a little note came up saying that if I spent a few dollars more, I'd qualify for free shipping. So, I ordered one off my wish list. The books shipped separately, so I was excited when I found the two packages. The first one I opened was the Oprah pick. The second was nowhere near what it should have been. A close look at the shipping order revealed it was sent from and was meant for a woman in Virginia. I can only imagine how disappointed she'll be when she doesn't get her diet and exercise journal. I know I was disappointed to see that in the package. So, I called customer service. It's kind of a pain that they have to send me a packing envelope to send that bad book back. But, they're shipping my original order (after crediting my account, then charging me for my book - which I actually bought with a discount code and was applied) with free shipping!

I know shipping is just a couple of dollars, but any company that emails me discounts weekly and will right a wrong by taking off even more has a special place in my heart - close to the chocolate and wine. Oh, and the cheese.

Hats off to these big companies for not only listening to their customers, but also doing all the right things to keep me coming back. XOXO Starbucks & Borders!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Week In Pop Culture

Faced with rumors of marital woes, this is how one couple counters the tabloids.

Chris Noth has good news: no more Sex and The City movies!

This makes me super excited for next week's Glee!

Kirstie Alley says she lost more than 50 pounds, then posted a picture hiding her body.

Ugh. Brooke Shields says she can still fit into those Calvins.

Another week, another celebrity divorce.

This might be the ultimate pop culture scoop: guess which 80s TV star is the godmother of Angelina Jolie's pack?

I learned something new about John Hamm.

Just because Madonna's daughter looks almost like her, that doesn't mean she wants to.

I am totally opposed to this potential casting news.

Is this the new middle-aged lady trend?

I want to be Gwen Stefani's wax figure.

Aretha Franklin's son was severely beaten.

Is this a Lil too much work?

I love Meryl Streep a little more.

Katy Perry is too sexy for Sesame Street.

Cher is leaving Las Vegas.

I don't remember hearing about Leonardo DiCaprio playing J. Edgar Hoover in a movie, but he is. And he'll have a male lover.

American Idol named its judges and I couldn't be less interested in the show.

Pamela Anderson has learned a valuable lesson.

Anthony Hopkins might have an eating disorder.

I guess if she's not going to make a decent movie, Halle Berry can at least rock a dress.

After just one episode, HBO already renewed Boardwalk Empire for a second season.

Wyclef Jean has come to his senses.

Eddie Vedder got married.

Kate Winslet has clearly moved on from her ex.

It's been 25 years since The Breakfast Club and the stars are showing their age.

Want to know who's saggy belly this is? Click here.

A celebrity marriage ends because of Scientology? I. Am. Shocked.

I don't usually love New Year's Eve, but I could totally get on board with this party (if only I had an invite).

Aretha Franklin is great. Her eye for casting her own biopic, not so much.

Balthazar Getty's wife must have received a large piece of jewelry or something.

I don't care what this show is about, but I'll watch it!

At least it's not a meat dress.

Look, Keanu. I get that you're sad and all. But, for the love of God, PLEASE DO NOT BRING BACK "BILL AND TED!"

There's nothing routine about Katy Perry's bachelorette party.

Now, you can look AND smell just like Mariah Carey.

Are The Quaids filming a reality show? If not, their crazy antics could be interesting. PS - I want credit for that one if anyone gets this to happen!

Michael J. Fox wants you to know he's still short.

Oh, Carey Mulligan! You don't have to do this!

Lindsay Lohan admitted she failed her drug test on Twitter. Nope. Still not gonna follow her. Also, it looks like she's going back to jail. THIS JUST IN: She's going to jail.

Ricki Lake is kind of suddenly homeless.

Look what celebrity lesbian tied the knot!

Paris Hilton won't serve time in jail. But she is having a hard time traveling.

Russell Brand was arrested.

R.I.P, Eddie Fisher.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

CROCS: They're Not Just Ugly, They're Also Creepy!

A few months ago, I saw these ads for Crocs.
Rubber shoes that rub your feet? Gross!

I mean, take a good look at the "eyes" on those things. They're like some sort of pervy foot fetish creature straddling your leg to rub your toes. And is that shoe trying to kiss the foot? Ick!

Then, I saw this ad.
These Crocs are peepers! Or they're burglars. Either way, creepy.

And there's this ad.
A few things bother me about this. First: these Crocs are a little too excited about folding laundry. Second: little girl. Third: "Feel the love." Um, no. We should not have creepy shoe characters and a little girl and that phrase.

With all the things it appears Crocs love (feet, peeping, little girls, laundry), I would not be surprised if they weren't the next ones caught by Chris Hansen!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My Fall TV Lineup

I love this time of year - not just because the hottest days are (usually) behind us, but because it's like Christmas for my DVR! I read up on new shows and decide which ones will make the cut. If they're up against shows I've already decided I like, they don't make the cut. Last year, I had to cut Fringe because it was moved to Thursdays and I refused to cut the NBC comedies or Grey's Anatomy. I thought I would miss it, but I haven't. So, here's what I'm watching:

Full disclosure: I loved James Badge Dale in The Pacific. For that very reason, I decided to check out this AMC series. Also, AMC has yet to make an original show that I have not loved.

This show is filling my LOST void. While it's not set on an island with a polar bear and four-toed statue, it does have its secrets. The characters are interesting. No matter how carefully I watch this (and, friends, you must pay very close attention when watching this - no laptop/cell phone at the tip of your fingers as you will miss something), I love that I don't fully understand what's going on. That's right - I like a show that makes me feel a little dumb. There. I said it.

I don't know where this show is going, but I am loving the journey!

Boardwalk Empire
You heard it here first: Prohibition is the new vampire! Seriously, this book (which I started but stopped because it was all over the place and Ken Burns is making a documentary based on it so I can just watch that) seemed to really get people talking about America's battle against the bottle. This series on HBO is doing more than any network could to educate folks about it. I'm not just saying that because of the sex and expletives - that's all HBO's charm.

I love that the main character is Steve Buscemi. Not many quirky looking guys get as much work as he does. And he is quite possibly the world's best slimeball. I mean that as a total compliment. Really. He's the guy you can't trust but can't take your eyes off. Also, I spied one of my favorite characters from The Wire, so I can't wait to see what kind of shenanigans he gets into here.

Mad Men
That is a young actress who could be a big star. She plays Sally Draper, the daughter of the main character. She is phenomenal! Complete scene stealer!

I don't just love this series because of her. There is not one character here that I do not like - or like to hate. I cannot help but want to punch creepy Pete Campbell every time I see him on the screen. I'm sure Vincent Kartheiser is lovely in the real world. His Pete is whiny and bratty - not attractive.

This show is sexy. It's smart. It's funny. It is a fascinating look at life before I was born (long before I was born if you're keeping score).

How I Met Your Mother
I have been with this show from the beginning - even stuck by it when it seemed to have lost its way. Now, the show runners say it's on a path to live up to its title.

Truth: I really don't care about how Ted meets his baby mama. I love every other character, in particular Barney, played by the uber-awesome Neil Patrick Harris! I am annoyed by Ted and his need to make every relationship with a woman head towards the alter. Are there really guys like this? If so, keep 'em away. Annoying. Just live and let things happen. I know this is a TV show (sit-com at that), but I think at this point the only way I'd feel satisfied with Ted's story coming to an end is if the "mother" is actually a tranny. Otherwise, I'll wait for Barney's zingers and Marshal and Lily's trip to Babyville.

Dancing With The Stars
This show is so wrong, it's right!

Take the most random of the random "stars," spray tan 'em, squeeze them into sparkly clothes, queue the band and let 'em shimmy and shake until the voters send them home.

I wish I would have thought of this show. It's so simple! This year's contestants are a bit, um, odd. I can't even think of one who seems like a front-runner. I think at least half of them will be awkward, a bit like your drunk relative cruising the dance floor at a wedding.

I'm not even sure what exactly this show is about. There's some secret - some event - that is top secret. Once I know what this is, I will either decide to stick with the show or cut it.

I feel the same way about this one that I did with Flash Forward, that show also had a secret (time travel) that was supposed to just keep happening. YAWN.

The cast looks interesting. The promos have been intriguing. I hope this show doesn't have just one trick in its bag. If so, we'll part ways.

I'm not old enough to have been a fan of the original. There's something about this reboot that interests me. Maybe it's because of the cast (hello, Daniel Dae Kim and Scott Caan!). Maybe it's because the promos have given me just enough smart-aleckyness to get me into this cop show.

I don't usually love a cop show as they tend to be too far fetched. But I know that if nothing else, this show will have some beautiful scenery (and I'm not just talking about topless dudes). I hope this one is entertaining, or it'll get the ax.


I dare you to watch that and not laugh out loud. Can't do it. Impossible. Jane Lynch is gold! Gold I tell ya!

Yes, these kids break into song. But there's a good chance you know the music. And if not, well, let your DVR do the forwarding.

Will Arnett always makes me giggle. I keep reading mixed reviews about this one, but I'm willing to check it out.

Because it's new, I give the new shows about three episodes before I decide if I'll cut them. I hope it doesn't have a laugh track. Shows like that really bug me. It's like the creators don't want you to miss what they thought was funny. I know when to laugh, people. How about you stick to writing the funny stuff and getting the funny people to deliver? Oh, how I hope this one makes the cut! I'm not setting the bar too high, but I will probably give it a little time to find its groove.

If I have learned one thing from this show, it's this: I am not a survivor. If, like the people on this show, I was plopped in the middle of some post-apocalyptic scenario and forced to live, I would be the first person who was murdered. 

Each week, these people amaze me. Just when it appears they're nearly out of food, they catch something. They turned pig carcasses into fuel. They built a windmill. They built a water filtration system. The only thing they don't have is plumbing and air conditioning (these are necessities, not options for me). I am absolutely fascinated by this group of people who would never cross paths in the real world. But on this show, they are one cohesive group fighting for survival. If you have poo-pooed reality television, this is worth watching. Really.

Two words: Michael Imperioli.

If ABC will give him a second shot at playing a cop on their network, I will give him another shot, too.

I know the people of Detroit haven't exactly liked the idea of a show about murders based in their city, but it has to be somewhere. If this cop show is going to keep my interest, it's going to need some bizarre murders, funny one-liners and it should go easy on the clich├ęs. Otherwise, I'll bury this one with the fishes, just like Christopher would have done.

Oh, Brick!

This kid has some of the best lines ever whispered on television! His siblings are pretty funny, too.

I find Patricia Heaton's mom to be tired and whiny. But the kids really make this show.

I don't know what will happen when they grow old enough to leave home. Maybe they'll take in exchange students to keep this one going? Either way, as long as the kids are quirky, I'll keep turning in.

This show is brand new. Well, the idea isn't. But I think it has potential. Three couples in different stages of their relationships and they spend time together, no doubt each will say, "We're not like that" or "We used to be like that." 

As long as they make me giggle, I'll stick with them. Otherwise, we'll break up. No counseling. No regrets. 

There is not one character on this show that bugs me. If that doesn't spell "WIN!" I don't know what will.

This is one great, big, crazy family! They're functional on their own level. I love that the cast is so large that you don't fully know everything about them. Each week, you get a little nugget. 

Like this photo. Cam used to be a clown. I cannot imagine hiring this clown for anything, unless I wanted to scare children. HMMM. I have never watched an episode of this show and not laughed out loud more than once. LOVE IT!

Just when I thought I loved this show, they had to go and throw Betty White into the mix! Oh, that's a good thing! 

This show is such a good time! I was a little worried about it when I added it, but this cast is crazy fun and not one person isn't funny. 

I have to wonder how long it can go on. Once these characters finish community college, I don't know that they'd all still be pals at the big school. 

Time will tell. I'll keep tuning in until then.

I have followed this on Twitter (you can get a NSFW sampling here) for a while. I am totally stumped as to how this will translate to television.

The premise: this guy moves back in with his parents and his old cranky dad is quick to give his opinion - whether or not anyone asked.

I wonder how much acting William Shatner will be doing here. I also wonder how many weeks I can watch this before it becomes tired and predictable - you know, because I've read his dad's comments before.

I loved Liz Lemon before she met this handsome pilot (Matt Damon). Now, knowing he's back this season, I am in love all over again!

This show is consistently funny. It's silly. It's sometimes even a little bit sweet.

I will follow Tina Fey wherever she goes. I truly believe she's my big sister. Although, don't go getting a restraining order. I wouldn't think about threatening her. She's tougher than me!

The last few seasons haven't been as funny as I had hoped. Knowing this is Steve Carrell's last season to play boneheaded boss, Michael Scott, I can't quit this show.

I have high hopes for it this year. I cannot believe the writers would let their beloved boss go out with a whimper.

I am rooting for it be funny and silly - just like the old days.

I want more Jim and Dwight antics (when was the last time he put Dwight's office supplies in Jello?). I want Andy to sing more. I want Creed to be slow and cranky. I want ... well, I want this show to return to its early, pre-syndication days when it was the first thing I watched each Thursday.

I am just checking out this show for now. I don't have high expectations for it.

I want it to woo me.

If these kids aren't funny, I'll skip it. I don't know how funny a language barrier can be, but I'll give it a chance. Also, when there are so many unemployed people in America, are we really ready to laugh at foreigners taking our jobs? I know it saves companies money, but there actually are Americans who want those minimum wage jobs.

Three episodes or less to impress.

That's all I'm watching. Go ahead, tell me that I should find some better way to spend my time. I am actually quite efficient with my TV watching. I won't add the new shows to my TV roll on the right of the page until I decide if I'm going to keep watching them. 

What are you watching this fall? Is there something I'm missing? Let me know so I can check it out!