Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!

Oh, mothers! We wouldn't be here without you! I hope all you mothers (and I totally mean that in a nice way) appreciate these cards:
xo - Nicole

Friday, May 11, 2012

A Cautionary Tale

Girls, I have seen a few things recently that I don't think you're getting. So if you read nothing else, I hope you pay close attention to this.

Here's Miley Cyrus at Disneyland.

I'm sure she's having a good time, but her breasts are totally going to hate her later.

How do I know this? Because I can tell she is not wearing a bra.

Big deal, you say? It IS a big deal! Sure they're young and perky now. But there will come a day when her boobs give up the fight for gravity (aided by a good bra) and they become so saggy she might as well tuck them into her pants to keep them out of the way.

NOTE: I actually know some older ladies who could do this, but I think they don't want to buy bigger pants, so they just let them rest at their waist. Not cute, ladies.

Also, if it is even remotely warm out, your boobs get sweaty. It's like the underside is struggling to breath. Know what makes them happy? A BRA. Look into it, Miley.

The other thing I've seen a lot of lately is this lady.

If you've been living under a rock (which sounds really uncomfortable and bad for your back, so stop it), this is Tanning Mom.

Besides allegedly putting her pasty preschooler into a tanning bed, her crime is over-tanning. As orange as she is here, you should see her with makeup on. It looks like she's wearing blackface. Even Oompa Loompas like Snooki think this is too much.

Because it is.

This lady clearly has problems. No sane person with a clear vision of what she truly looks like would think this is a good look. If she lives to be an elderly woman, the only way we'll know her age is to count her wrinkles like you count rings on trees.

Which brings me to what the future would be like if Miley and Tanning Mom became one. Brace yourselves, readers. It's not for the squeamish.
Yeah. That's the chest of Magda from There's Something About Mary. Sure she's a fictional character, but it's like those Farrelly Brothers could see the future!

So if you don't want to wind up like that (and you really should set that as at least one of your life goals), put on a bra and stay out of the tanning beds/sun.

You're welcome.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Salad In A Jar

I think this was one of the first things I pinned on Pinterest. I like salads, but I don't have them at home very often. I buy the materials, get them home, make one awesome salad, then put everything away. In a few days, the lettuce is all brown and gooey (seriously, why does this happen?) and I wind up throwing everything out. It makes me sad and a little angry to have wasted food and money like that.

It took a few months, but I finally bought some mason jars and decided to give it a try.
The instructions say to put your dressing in the bottom of the jar, then start layering - things like carrots, peppers, cabbage, celery - are recommended to go in next. I dropped a few sliced tomatoes in because I like that they take on the flavor of the vinaigrette I used. Then, stuff the lettuce in the jar and seal it. The original poster said these would last for a week. I was skeptical but thought if this works, it is one of the smartest things I've found on the Internet in a while.
This was a salad I dumped out of the jar and onto a plate six days after I packed it. It was still crunchy, crisp and tasty! I ate the jarred salads I took to work right out of the container. Every day, it was like I had just made that salad!

I suppose it's something about the air tight seal on the jars. When I assemble salads in a plastic container, they never last this long. So now, I'll be packing salads to have ready to eat whenever I want. I'm sure I'll test just how long you can go before these salads go bad. I did find that seeing those pretty salads in a jar made me want them more than if I had all the ingredients in a drawer in my refrigerator. I also wanted them more than when I know a plastic container has a salad already made. Maybe it's the novelty of something new? Whatever. My salads in a jar are way cheaper than buying a salad from a restaurant. Plus, I get to use my favorite dressings instead of whatever's available. SCORE!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Thank You, Teachers and Nurses

Without teachers, I wouldn't be able to write, read, do basic math (haven't used algebra once in my adult life), understand the simplest science facts and recall historic events. Without nurses, I wouldn't have the time to tell my doctor what's really bothering me (because doctors don't have time to take it all in). I also wouldn't have someone to encourage me to shake off the anaesthesia, get out of the hospital bed and go home.

What a lovely coincidence that these two groups of professionals share the same week. The only thing better: if the people who declared a week for an occupation would space it out so they each get their own week. Since that's already been decided, I'm sharing these cards to my favorite teachers and nurses. YOU ROCK!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Eleven! Ha. Ha. Ha.

That was my Count (you know, from "Sesame Street"). It is also my latest count of the tomatoes on my plant. YAY!

Everyone, keep my little buds in your fresh thoughts! I'm beginning to wonder if they'll ever grow big and juicy. It's a good thing I'm posting pictures. I'm afraid I sound a little like that old lady who wanted to fatten up Hansel and Gretel so she could eat them.

Man. Fairy tales are creepy.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Nine Little Gardening Miracles!

Yes, I am aware I am not using "miracles" correctly. Settle down, grammar nazis. Now that I've gotten that out of the way...

I am SO excited this morning! I went out to check on my tomato plant and counted NINE little green tomatoes. Number Nine is so small it could be bullied by a cherry tomato. I love that one the most.

PS - don't tell the other tomatoes. I don't want them to stop growing or call on the bird to peck them to their unripened deaths.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Lucky Number Seven!

I am so excited! I went out to check on my tomato plant and was surprised to spy a few more tiny green tomatoes!

There are now SEVEN little buds! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that even more show up! I'm also hoping they're tasty!

May Movies

I was so uninspired by last month's new releases, I hardly watched anything on Netflix! Looking at this month's movies, I found myself doing a whole lot of eye rolling with all the reboots, sequels and movies made from board games/self help books.

I'm going to wait out May and hope June has something to offer. Guess my super full DVR will just have to entertain me until then!