Red Gun. RED GUN!

Oh, Jeep driver! Your personalized license plate is hard not to notice.

There it sits on your left butt cheek, daring drivers to take a look.

Red Gun.

Now, my first thought is "Red Rum" was taken.

Now, if someone is driving around with that on their bumper, I will definitely get out of their way. But "Red Gun?" What could that possibly mean?

I did a quick search and found a few possibilities:

• You teach cops how to shoot guns.
• You really like this song.
• You really like this game.

Hmmm. You went from kinda cool to dorky just like that. Unless it has some other meaning. If so, I'm all ears (or eyes, since I read this).

To see more personalized license plates, click here.

Week In Pop Culture

Katy Perry wants you to look at her.

SO happy these shows will be around a while longer!

This is an interesting way to raise money for the Japan disaster.

Larry King doesn't know how to retire.

Fun!

Nobody stops Coutney Love from her Twitter.

There was a Stand By Me reunion this week.

Christina Aguilera has put her home on the market (booze not included).

Taken 2.

Hackers have been targeting celebrities.

You don't have to listen to Britney Spears' new album to hear all about it.

Sandra Bullock is one of the world's most generous ladies. This girl is trying to keep up.

Stephanie Seymour is back in a bikini.

Celebrities share their lucky charms here.

I'm going to take this Katherine Heigl movie news as a sign that it's not a good one (to be fair, that's how I feel about her movies in general - only exception: Knocked Up).

Still don't get Olivia Munn.

I thought we had already seen the real Mel Gibson? Oh, wait. Here he is.

This story about Courtney Love is totally believable.

Megan Fox is apparently going to try to be funny.

Colin Farrell and this girl? Wait. It may not be true.

Here's how Lady Gaga does Texas:

Random feud: Russell Simmons and Bill Cosby.

I adore Drew Barrymore, but does she really need to make another rom-com?

The world does not need another American Pie movie.

Daredevil reboot? REALLY?!?

Jason Patric doesn't like Ashley Judd.

One makeup company has decided not to airbrush its models.

I just don't believe Usher's ex-wife did not know he videotaped their sexcapades.

I cannot believe I have to wait until September for new Kelly Clarkson music.

Cute celeb baby:

Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Ugh.

ICYMI: that roast of Donald Trump was probably their lamest ever.

Even though that really annoying guy from HIMYM likes girls who read, I still don't like him.

Tiger Woods has realized it's OK to laugh at himself.

Keep your eyes peeled for a Facts of Life reunion.

OOOH! Kristin Chenoweth is coming back to TV!

Whitney Houston may have sent her daughter to rehab.

I don't question Suri Cruise's style, but I do question her choice in candy.

Everybody wants Katie Couric.

Young James Franco was not cool.

Netflix is getting in the original series business.

After watching The Real Housewives of Miami (yawn), I'm happy to hear Bravo isn't recruiting overly-Botoxed ladies in other cities.

I will totally watch Tom Hanks in this movie.

Here's a TV show I won't watch unless I suddenly lose my hearing.

Like it or not, that Charlie's Angels TV show is happening.

I prefer the one on the left. He seems silent.

I have a dream that one day Star Jones will stop trying to get on television.

Is rehab the new "it" thing? Because I'm getting tired of actors not admitting to a real addiction to go there.

CMT is the new Hallmark/Lifetime.

I really don't need to see another Men in Black movie.

Also not sure I need to see a sequel to The Fighter.

Tony Hawk is kind of a douche bag.

Cybill Shepherd is coming back to TV.

Alyssa Milano is having a boy.

This is mesmerizing.

I was super excited to find this lady in my mailbox!

Even though she's moved on with a new man, Eva Longoria still gets weepy about her divorce.

Martha Stewart's granddaughter is adorable.

If Ke$ha in a bikini doesn't make more girls comfortable on the beach, I don't know what will.

Just what daytime TV needs: another talk show.

Jenny Craig has a new spokesdude.

Chris Klein has a new TV gig.

Jon Bon Jovi doesn't like Apple.

I wish I looked this good without makeup.

Tyra Banks has gone back to school.

Ryan Phillippe may have knocked up his ex.

Good thing Madonna wasn't in London.

Actors have no excuse not to pay child support.


I want to see this Conan O'Brien documentary.

Someone, please stop Snooki.

Usher + Sex Tape = Me Rolling My Eyes.

She's gorgeous, but I always thought this was an older lady's line.

No Gypsy for Barbara Streisand.

Rednecks may not think this news is funny.

What is wrong with 50 Cent? And Gilbert Gottfried (well, at least NOW he knows he was wrong)?

Larry King is uncool.

Look. I adore Jake Gyllenhaal, but you people should not try taking pictures of him in the restroom.

Justin Bieber had a wardrobe malfunction.

Alec Baldwin has a few words of wisdom for Charlie Sheen.

Jenny McCarthy.

If you like Celine Dion, you might want to know this about her Vegas show.

I totally love this kid!

Get ready for this reboot.

Even celeb magazines get things wrong.

So, Jennifer Aniston is going to sing in a movie. Can't wait to not see that.

Oh, Renee Zellwegger.

I take this news more as a sign Steven Soderbergh has enough money.

The Beckhams are having what will likely be the most fashionable baby girl ever.

Too much retouching here, no?

This story proves you never know what happens behind closed doors.

No jail time for Mel Gibson.

Fellas, Olivia Wilde is officially available.

Rap music pays. BIG.

I wonder if Monica Lewinsky really believes Bill Clinton loved her?

Stupid HIPA (and a tight-lipped patient) keep us from knowing what happened to this lady.

I don't like when celebrities seem to brag about this stuff.

I am ashamed of anyone who pays to see this freakshow.

Rest in peace, Nate Dogg.

And Michael Gough.

Also Ferlin Husky.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Choose your own card. I'm too lazy to pick one for each of you.

Also, if you try to pinch me, I will smack the you-know-what out of you.

Exclamation Point!

Friends, consider this a public service announcement. There is a new trick in the infomercial game. It's called THE EXCLAMATION POINT!

There's a whole channel devoted to hour-long programs hoped to bring you and your credit card to the nearest phone so you can pay for rushed shipping to get the gimmick to your home. Here are a few recent examples:

Eat and Lose!

I mean, what could be better than eating food AND losing weight at the same time? 

What? You missed this? A simple Google search will give you more than 82 million results. Save money and just choose one of those free ideas. It's probably just as good.

Besides, there is no real trick to losing weight. The answer is what no one wants to hear: eat right and work out. No magic pills will get you to the body you want to keep forever. Trust me. I've tried.

Back Pain Solved!

Luckily, I have not had back pain, so I didn't stick around to see how this one ends. 

I'll speculate that it's some sort of contraption/exercise that should strengthen your back and make the pain go away.

I can't imagine being so desperate for relief that, instead of finding a good doctor who can fix things, you'd resort to some quack on the Internet. Please, don't do this.

Easy Hair Removal!

I had no idea hair removal was difficult. I find it quite easy.

Tedious, but easy.

Note the hour this one was playing. Are there drunk, hairy girls sitting in front of their televisions going, "OOOOH! I so need to make the process of removing hair from my body easier!" 

And I think the only way you could make non-shaving forms of hair removal pain-free is to be sedated. I'm fairly certain drugs are not part of this process. If I'm wrong, please let me know. I'll order this one right away.

Quit Your Job!

This could be the most dangerous infomercial out there.

I like my job most days, but on a bad day, I could see myself watching this and saying, "This is it! I'm sending my money to this stranger and being the boss of me forever!"

However, I'm not crazy enough to believe that would actually happen. I'd quit. I wouldn't make money. I'd have to sell my house, dog and cat and probably myself just to make ends meet. 

Writing news stories isn't so bad. Neither is winning the lottery (that's my official Plan B).

Newest bareMinerals!

Now, I like this makeup. It's light-weight. It doesn't settle into the few wrinkles I've developed. It has pretty colors.

But I would never sit for an hour and watch ladies talk about how great their makeup is without questioning how much they were paid to say it. Girls, take makeup advice from ladies you know.

These strangers are trying to get you to buy this stuff. Speaking from experience, once you do this, they hook you into setting up a regular order so you never run out. You can get a better deal in a store (no shipping). Look into that first. 

2 in 1 Shark Miracle!

Clean floors - a miracle? Shark might be overselling this product. 

Who wouldn't want their floors clean? And if it's easy, that's even better, right?

Let me tell you this: these products often need assembly. Screw that up, and you'll have hot water all over the place! 

Also, check out customer reviews on a product like this before you make that investment.

Cut Heating Bills In Half!

I don't understand how a space heater could save you from running a real heater, but these people swear it will. 

Maybe if I had just one room, this would make sense. But I have a whole house. This doesn't seem like it would make sense.

And after a quick check, wouldn't you know, this is not the perfect solution. Apparently, it's not a good product - or a bargain. Whew. Good to know. EXCLAMATION POINT.

Carve Abs In Bed!

Oh, come on! I fully support a lazy workout, but even I know there's no way this works.

If it did, celebrities would endorse this instead of weight loss foods and their trainers.

I just wish I would have thought of this first. I could be on my own private island laughing at all the suckers who thought they could slim down while sleeping.

So, friends, consider this post a warning: if someone tries to sell you something with an exclamation point in the title, you should keep right on clicking. That commercial is bad news.

Guilt-Free Birthday

My grandmother really has this card sending business down. I received this on my actual birthday!

The card says:

With lots of love, Granddaughter. Having a special granddaughter like you makes every day just a little sweeter.

At first, I think it was intended for one of the other granddaughters. You know, the young ones who are still falling for the "Call me Gorgeous, not Grandma" thing. Then, I read my grandmother's neat cursive.

(Grandpa) hasn't fallen since his hospital stay and I hope he stays that way.

Really? Because I was beginning to think she was pushing him down. Not really. Maybe just a little.

Today, we played "chair volleyball" at the YWCA. Gramps is good, but I'm another story. I do fill an empty chair when needed.

You can play volleyball in a CHAIR? Is this just for seniors? I would play more volleyball if I didn't run the risk of having gravity pull my clumsy self to the ground with great force. Not surprised my grandfather is good at the game. That falling down thing aside, he's actually quite coordinated. If they were lobbing sale items over the net, I think my shopaholic grandmother would be pretty good at this sport.

And here comes the big finale.

Hope you make (it down here) SOON! Hope you have a beautiful day and the new year rich with God's blessings.

Closing with a bit of guilt, then well wishes. You know, when I see grandparents in TV/movies, they always seem to pass out dollar bills/hard candies and say things to the adult grandkids like "When are you getting married and having babies?" Instead, I have a combination of all four Golden Girls in one lady. I need to get her secret to this date managing. As long as I can remember, she rarely calls me by my real name on the first guess. Getting these cards out for holidays and birthdays is fascinating.

REMEMBER: The rule of reading the "Card From Grandma" post is that you will never EVER tell my grandma that you've seen them on The Internet. She doesn't quite know how this works and it will just confuse her.

Related Posts:

• Thanksgiving 2010
• Halloween 2010

I Hate My Box

Before you sickos start thinking I'm talking dirty, let me be clear: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT BOX. I'm talking about the box on surveys that forces me to commit to an age bracket.

Much like when I was 34, and put in the same category of a 22-year-old, I don't like being in the same bracket as a 44-year-old. I've had a year to adjust to this new box (yes, today is my birthday and if you can't do the math, I'm 36 - REALLY). I still don't like it.

I can't believe I can actually have so much in common with someone in her 40s. I have only recently committed to trying age-fighting products. A woman in her 40s has no doubt tried a lot more of them than I have. She's also more likely to accept that those products don't make changes overnight - I am not. I want instant change. Note: I'm not quite fighting wrinkles. I'm fighting sun damage caused by my foolish years of not wearing sunblock regularly.


Also, does a woman who is 44-years-old admit to watching things like Teen Mom? Because I do.

Does a woman who is 44-years-old get excited about Wonder Woman-themed makeup products? I do.

Does a 44-year-old woman think Eat Pray Love is a horrible example to women? I do.

I know that I'm not like all ladies my age. But I completely resent the idea that a box represents ME. I just don't want to be confined to that box. So, surveyors, forgive me if I stop checking your stupid box. I'll choose the one that represents me (unless you're checking ID - and try doing that over the Internet). It's not me. It's you.

Week In Pop Culture

Guess whose 68-year-old mother wants attention?

Here's the latest speculation on Aretha Franklin's health.

Even celebrities have a tough time with their dogs.

I like those Comedy Central roasts, but this Trump thing seems lame.

Not surprised by this.

Surprised a couple that's been married 24 years is splitting up.

She looks amazing. Just wish I could watch her in a movie.

This couple has split, apparently for real this time.

I don't know how my TV sister's daughter could possibly think her dad is funnier.

This Twitter feud is kinda cute.

Well, this is just not normal.

SO happy Rob Lowe is staying put on one of my favorite shows!

A reboot of a video game-turned movie is not a good idea.


Arrested Development fans should be excited about this.

This lady does not want to be your 60-something sex symbol.

What?

Sometimes real life is a little too much like TV.

Oprah is pressing the restart button on her network.

Fingers crossed that this movie based on a book I loved will be good.

Gwen Stefani says she is not perfect, but I don't believe her.

Gwyneth Paltrow is now officially a singer.

If you were hoping to see Mel Gibson go to jail, you'll have to wait a while.

I'm excited about this - unless it's bad.

When Superbad is super good!

So many "Whys?" and "Huhs?" here. I mean, her Boston accent on 30 Rock made me want to stab myself in the ears! How is she going to do this?

Even if you don't understand Twitter, you might like these celebrity profile pics.

While I hate to see my favorite shows end their seasons, I am excited these are each getting an hour-long send-off!

You probably don't need to drug a drink to get "up close" with one of those Real Housewives.

Kate & Leo's friendship is sweet.

I hope to never be on the receiving end of a Roseanne Barr smackdown.

L-O-V-E!

I don't know what happened to Tom Brady, but I don't like it.

Monopoly movie. Really.

Also: Dynasty movie.

Gwen Stefani works out.

He always said he'd be back.

If you love Iron Man, you'll love this.

Bond news!

Oh, I hope this Beyonce news is true!

Chuck Norris is pointing fingers.

It's possible Nic Cage thinks he's living in a movie.

Emma Watson is taking a break from school.

Add Al Pacino to the list of stars who have people who don't pay their taxes for them.

Iman without makeup.

I didn't need this to remind me that Suri Cruise will not be a normal girl.

After reading this, I can't wait for June to get here!

Ugh. I feel like this guy is truly walking dead and don't need to see him on The Walking Dead.

I really wish this book had not been written. It's not how I want to remember JFK, Jr.

Here's why I won't follow Charlie Sheen on Twitter. Even if he paid me.

This sums up Ke$ha.

I totally respect Michael Bay's honesty.

Now, I'm interested in this movie.

Gisele. Wow.

I never saw the first G.I. Joe movie, so I'm fairly certain I will not see the sequel.

No more music from Phil Collins.

And if this guy isn't going to write more songs, at least he's writing a book.

I'm happy this show has been extended, but I am really hoping this leads to the end.

Trent Reznor is the new Man in Demand.

Did anyone notice Catherine's updo?

If you have a few bucks, you can buy Julianne Moore's NYC pad.

Lifetime: keeping aging stars working.

Jennifer Love Hewitt could use a stylist.

Why did this guy's staff turn down the chance to be on 30 Rock?

Toni Collette is really pregnant!

Not that I was interested in the new Snow White, but this guarantees I won't see it.

Rest in peace, Mike Starr.

Something To Brag About

Some people like to brag. Like this driver.

As if the Porsche SUV isn't enough of an attention-getter, it appears he's bragging on his profession.

Dr. 34D. I tried to look him up so I could see if he looks like one of those surgeons you see on reality shows, but I didn't find anything specific to this guy.

However, I did find there's a whole Flickr group dedicated to ladies with this bra size. Kind of creepy.

So, here's to the boob doctor - keeping ladies breasts from sagging and shrinking for the years to come!

To see other personalized license plates recently spotted, click here.

I Do Not Like Spam

I'm not just talking about SPAM in a can. I'm talking about spam on my cell phone.

Over the last two weeks, I have started receiving text messages that are spammy.

Subject: Congratulations You've been awarded 418,000 British Pounds by Telefonica O2. Send an email to 4882@o2.co.uk for claims -- b-------.b-------@drake.edu

Do you need some money this week? Just go to WWW.FAST1CASH.COM - Takes only 3  minutes to apply, get up to $1500 today! Text STOP to unsubscribe. -- (202) 257-2655.

I posted something on Twitter about these messages, which sent the message to Facebook and I learned I'm not alone. So, instead of just whining about it, I decided to figure out how to put a stop to this. I learned a few things from the FCC.

1. Just entering my cell phone number on the "do not call" registry is not enough to keep me from getting these unwanted texts.
2. The FCC does ban the messages that include a web address (like the first message I posted).
3. The message is allowed if it provides the option to unsubscribe (like the second message).

So the first one is not allowed. The second one is kind of allowed because it is letting me opt out (annoying since I never opted in).

I also found this, which offers step-by-step instructions on how to block spammy texts. I'm hoping that my taking these steps I can stop these annoying messages. If not, I will just continue shouting expletives at my phone, then deleting the messages. It's also possible that these messages that come with email addresses will be signed up for offers on some sites that are known to send lots of emails (because I believe the best way to respond to jerks is to try to out-jerk them).

Update: I received a comment from a guy claiming to be the Brandon named in the email for the Telefonica scam. So, hoping it really is him, I removed the address from this post.