Detroit: An American Autopsy

Detroit: An American Autopsy by Charlie LeDuff

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Charlie LeDuff wasn't a blip on my radar until recently. I saw some of his reporting and was mesmerized by his storytelling (if you haven't watched his work, check out this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9uzDe...). I figured anyone who could tell a story with such great detail for TV could work magic in a book.

I was right.

Detroit would not be my favorite American city to read about. It's in the news. It's almost never good news. But there was something about the idea of reading about the fall and potential of this once powerful city that appealed to me. If you read nothing else about this book, consider this quote.

"I guess when you get down to it, it's simple," Nevin says. "The man took his factory away, but he didn't take the people with him."

Detroit is losing people at a rapid rate - either to death or to relocation. Why? Is it the lack of jobs? Is it the rampant corruption? These are all things LeDuff explores in this book.

It's personal to him. It should be personal to us all. There's nothing great about one city failing when it could easily succeed. Detroit is worth saving. America needs to remember that. What happened and is still happening in Motor City could happen anywhere.



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The Truth About Dogs

Dogs will never remember how long it's been since they've seen you. They will react like it's been days since you walked into their space.

A dog's nose is not like ours. We like a dog to smell clean. He wants to roll in something stinky (roadkill, poop) to smell better.

Dogs will never throw up on a surface that's easy to clean. They will stand on that surface and puke on carpet.

Dogs think we don't understand that they want to answer the door. They will bark, cry and suddenly become super strong so they can get past your leg as you open the door a half inch to tell a salesperson you're not interested.

Dogs will not want to go outside when you're walking around the house. They will wait until you sit down before deciding to get your attention in their own special way (mine either stares at me or puts his nose on the door - pictured below). Dogs will wait for you to sit down and get comfortable before they must come back inside. They don't understand how much you hate that game.

Dogs are cute. They're not cats.

Everything is Perfect When You're a Liar

Everything is Perfect When You're a Liar by Kelly Oxford

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


"GIRLS SUCK! THEY THINK THEY'RE SO GREAT!" Karen flung a single finger at her son, like a switchblade aimed at Damon's fat peanut-buttery face. "You keep saying things like that and one day you will wake up and YOU WILL BE A GIRL, Damon! YOU WILL WAKE UP WITH A VAGINA!" That was page 2. I was hooked.

When a book is loaded with pop culture references that would make 20-somethings ask, "WTF is 'The Wonder Years?'" I refuse to stop reading. (BTW, kids, it's a GREAT TV show about a boy, his family, his preteen/teen struggles in a time when the family TV was furniture and had no remote control - THE HORROR!)

This is definitely not a memoir for kids - unless you parents want someone else to blame for their potty mouths, knowledge of drugs, the truth about some after school activities ("That's what gymnastics prepares you for: stripping, not the Olympics.") and creepers at Disneyland. If you want an out, here it is.

Kelly is not perfect. If she was, this book would read like one of those super annoying holiday letters people send to make you lose what holiday spirit you have left by giving the finger to a piece of paper/website. What she is, though, is funny. The kind of funny that deserves the more than 140 characters allowed on Twitter. I didn't see Kelly as my friend. I saw her as the lady freaking out about the little things in public. And I'm totally OK with that.

Once I reached the home stretch of this book, I realized someone else understands one of my (many) fears. "I don't think I'm going to die soon, but I finally feel like I'm growing old. Like, I know there's a Lil Wayne and a T-Pain, but somehow I thought they were the same person. You can be sure you're getting older when your finger isn't in the pulse of pop culture but you're sure it is. Getting old is when your complaints are so genuine that a friend can't console you."

Ugh. I know that will happen. I just hope others who understand will keep writing about things like this so that I don't feel like that any time soon. Because it's fun and funny. Can't go wrong with that.

I registered a book at BookCrossing.com!
http://www.BookCrossing.com/journal/11711749



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Now In Your Kid's Classroom

At least I think this license plate belongs to a teacher. She may not be a good speller.

OR she's a fan of Cher.

Wise Men

Wise Men by Stuart Nadler

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I'm not getting spoilery here. I will say the Wise Men didn't have much in common. But they had love - for others and, in their own way, each other. I could have read a few hundred more pages of this book, but it had to end. I'm happy!



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So We're Doing Jorts Again?

I was cruising Pinterest this weekend and spied a trend that I thought we were over.

JORTS.

And they're not just plain ol' denim shorts. They're the kind that could do more than provide a break from the heat. Here are a few that made me gasp.

The Lacy Jorts
These look like you're wearing old lady lace bloomers and they're trying to escape.

The whole doily thing is just hard to get past. It's VERY grandma-influenced (if grandma would allow you to leave the house in shorts that short). It also seems like you'd start to feel something was trying to crawl into your shorts every time that lace business would touch your legs. And when you say, "I thought something was crawling on my leg" when there's clearly nothing there, people will probably ask if you've taken your medication.

While this picture shows off a nice booty, I get the feeling these shorts would just invite camel toe. NOBODY needs to see that!

The Escaping Pockets

How do you know your shorts are too short? When your pockets look like they're trying to make a run from them.

That's not even a joke. Think of what this will look like if you have to put something in your pockets. They'd turn into some sort of lumpy bag. Not exactly what you want at the top of your thighs - even if you have legs like this girl.

Your Mom's Look From The 80s
For those of you who haven't gone back to look at pictures of your mom from the 80s (or those of you who wore these in the 80s and hoped you'd never see these again), you might remember the SNL "Mom Jeans" skit. Who knew in 2013 people would demand a long wide backside?

This Madonna-esque bustier (which is totally not practical unless you're wearing this outfit as a costume - even then, you should be prepared for a wardrobe malfunction) with the incredible high waisted and super short shorts looks like a bathing suit gone wrong. I didn't see a back picture, but just looking at the front, it appears that there's a butt cheek situation happening here. And if you dare to wear these in public, just know that if you drop something, don't bend at the waist unless you want to show the world what your gynecologist sees each year.

The Working Girl's Look From The 80s
It's not that I can't support the oldest profession, it's that shorts cut the same way as full-coverage underwear are a horrible idea.

And the fringe? Who is THAT fooling? It's not minimizing the large butt. It's not maximizing the small butt. It's almost like the shorts are saying, "You REALLY need more material so we'll try to grow as fast as we can to get there."

Side note: I'm now wondering if all clothing talks or it's just the strange things I see online?


Insulting The American Flag
When Betsy Ross sewed the first flag, I am almost certain this was NOT what she had in mind. (and, no, I was not around when she did it so this is not first-hand knowledge).

This girl is really cute in her tiny shorts, but should you really be sitting on USA? Should stars and stripes really be sprouting from your genitals? Seems awfully unpatriotic.

Oh, and you should also know that if you try to do this yourself, this is a better representation of what you'll look like.

I admire this lady's non-shy and regular girl (dimply) legs (though I did notice you don't see her face). Still this doesn't even look comfortable. And it looks VERY camel toe-friendly.

Just because you're crafty, you don't have to tackle these looks. Really. You can toss out the old jeans or try some of these other uses for them. But please, for the love of God, don't do these in public unless you'll agree right now to let me post a picture of you when I spy you in public. I'll do it anyway, but you should just know that it'll happen.

I love Pinterest, but these looks make me think it's a big prank. This is why I use it mostly for saving pictures of cute animals and recipes and spying looks like these that leave me saying, "Um, whaaaaaat?!?!?"

Concierge Confidential

Concierge Confidential: The Gloves Come Off—and the Secrets Come Out! Tales from the Man Who Serves Millionaires, Moguls, and Madmen by Michael Fazio

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I always knew concierges knew everything! This book only confirms it. There are plenty of gossipy stories here that will tell you how the uber-rich and famous have no idea how real life works. What I loved were the stories about how to get things. Even if you don't want tickets to a show or reservations at a restaurant, the biggest lesson here is that if you don't ask (and ask in a nice, non-aggressive way), you will NEVER get anything.



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My Mom's Not Fancy

It's not that she doesn't know fancy things when she sees them, but because my mom doesn't splurge on fancy things she doesn't know how to talk about them (at least not without me correcting her).

MOM: She wears, what are those, Her Mees scarves.

ME: What? That's not how you say it. It's like this:

MOM: Whatever.

She was clearly pronouncing Hermès the way it's spelled. I get that, but it's still wrong. I'm trying to help her so she won't be insulted in one of their stores if she wins big at a casino and wants to splurge!

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Unknown Pleasures: Inside Joy Division

I just finished this book. Now this is on my radar:

And here's my review:
Unknown Pleasures: Inside Joy Division by Peter Hook

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I knew absolutely NOTHING about Joy Division before I read this book. I was familiar with New Order (which gets many references in this book but since it's not called "New Order," there's not a lot on their music). I do like a memoir, so I learned about the band as I read - getting angry when I'd tell people I was reading this and they'd tell me what happens to some of the band members. Instead of being super spoilery, I'll tell you the seven things I learned from this book that I will carry with me forever.

1. Just when I thought this rocker's memory was pretty fantastic, Peter went and brought me back to earth. "There are a lot of things I don't remember,"  he said by page 48. I guess these musicians must hear stories over and over, so they can recall events at a later (non-booze/drug influenced) time.

2. Peter's friend Terry learned something for all of us. "Then he became the sound guy, and he was shit at being a sound guy too, because Harry DeMac had taught him - as a joke, presumably - to turn things up with the 'gain pots' on the desk instead of the faders (ask your roadie), which resulted in some pretty wild mixes." Um, I don't have a roadie, so while I think this is probably important information I need someone to explain that to me.

3. I learned new slang. When the band was looking for a drummer, "Our first reply was from a student whose name I can't remember. We took  him on but he really got in our tits, so even though he was an okay drummer we decided to get rid of him." I've never used "got in our tits," but I might now.

4. Their van cruised a red-light district where the Yorkshire Ripper was preying on prostitutes. People, if your wheels are the same as a serial killer's DON'T cruise his turf unless you want to meet the police OR you want to piss off the killer who's still at-large!

5. Who knew you could get health tips from a rocker's memoir? "Listen, right, if you lot don't stop spitting, we're not going to play," Pete Shalley begged before the crowd showered him with spit. Not only gross. "That's how Joe Strummer got hepatitis, from swallowing someone's spit. Disgusting." UNDERSTATEMENT.

6. "Never have a support band who are at the top of their game. As New Order we had OutKast supporting us once. Big mistake that was." Hey ya! That sounds like a crazy concert combination!

7. When roadie Twinny borrowed Peter's second favorite shirt (after promising he'd be careful with it), he was attacked and left bloody. "Later on his mum got the blood out by washing it in a bath of saltwater. The salt lifts the blood out, she told me later, and she was absolutely right because the shirt was fine. Little tip for you there." I've watched enough crime shows on TV to know this is just an appearance thing. CSI people can totally still find the blood on your clothes, so if you're a killer (and if you are, I think you're awesome so take me off your hit list) you'll need to get rid of your clothes.



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