I'm Too Old For MTV

As a kid, I remember how excited I was when MTV beamed its first video. I was immediately hooked! I mean, music videos - how cool was that? Now, I was just a kid and my parents probably should have kept me (and my little brother) from staring mindlessly at hour after hour of videos. But they didn't. We learned to appreciate shows like "The Young Ones." It was on pretty late, but it was still appointment TV. Here's a clip:

There were a few more shows we watched, too. But then, a little thing called "The Real World" came to life. It was interesting, seeing people from different walks of life plopped in one apartment and forced to live together - good and bad. I stuck with them for a few seasons, drawing the line after Ruthie's alcoholism in Hawaii. Now, that show is less about breaking down barriers and more about 20-somethings getting drunk and hooking up. Ahh, now THAT'S birth control. Is that really what it's like to be young person these days?

Now, try finding videos on MTV. How can they possibly still roll out the Video Music Awards when they don't show videos?

I admit, I am watching "The Hills." Go ahead and say something mean. I've probably said it to myself while I watch the show. And, seriously, Heidi, what are you thinking? Spencer is the douchiest of douche bags. No good can come of that marriage. You said "till death to us part" and I hate to say it, but you might just be hauled off for a 187. That's street speak for murder, people. At least it was when MTV showed videos.

You might be wondering what got me all fired up. I'm watching the MTV Movie Awards. I actually like Eminem's performance. The Kings of Leon rocked it. Andy Samberg's opening was funny. Bruno flying in as an angel and putting his behind in Eminem's face, sending Slim Shady and his crew scrambling out of there (after dropping a few expletives) was funny, too. But these golden popcorn awards shouldn't have been part of the show. It was all "Twilight!" Clearly people young enough to be my kids had the voting down. When movies like "Slumdog Millionaire" get dissed, I really wonder what's happening. I know it's not the Oscars, but really, kids? A movie about kids who come from the slums and fall in love and manage to be together (with cash) isn't good enough for you? It must be past your bed time.

Or I'm just too old for MTV.

The Week in Pop Culture

Mel Gibson's new girlfriend is knocked up.

Brooke Shields regrets not doing the naughty earlier.

That tranny took to YouTube to explain why she likes green apples more than red apples. Yeah, I watched it. Oh, and here's her new album cover. I'm sure the music ROCKS!

Speaking of boobs, these might be the most painful pair ever.

I learned more about Merv Griffin (and a few other dudes) than I ever needed to know.

I'm not the only one who's spotted this creepy old dude at an NBA game and wondered what tha???

I'm still not sure if Lady GaGa is a singer or performance artist.

When pretty collides: Daniel Craig & Hugh Jackman will star in a Broadway show together. I'm hoping it involves shirtless acting (fingers crossed).

I know I can't sing. But this kid does not know he's more than pitchy.

Apparently, you're not a "celebrity" if you don't pose in a bikini after losing a few pounds.

Chris Brown says he's not a monster. Rihanna fans might think otherwise.

Britney Spears has grossed me out.

This cast + this movie title sounds about right.

Here's some news that will make my co-workers dust off their favorite lines: serious progress on "Anchorman 2."

Susan Boyle goes from never been kissed to potty mouth. And I like it!

I've Been Invaded

I walked out this morning to get the newspaper and something stopped me in my tracks. Right outside my front door, I saw a bunch of little spots on the sidewalk.
I took a closer look and realized it was a few dozen roly polies. And then, I took a really close look because I had never seen so many in one place. Here's what shocked the heck out of me.
Roly poly love! Look at them huddled up! I saw quite a few of the creatures coupled up. Strange.
And you're welcome for the bug love this early in the day.

The Week in Pop Culture

Alec Baldwin thinks mail order Filipino brides are hilarious. However, one lawmaker over there says not so much. And Baldwin apologized.

Cynthia Nixon is engaged to what they say is a lady - though she seems a little dude-ish. Oh, well. Congratulations!

Because we haven't been tortured enough with the likes of Jessica Simpson "singing" country music, Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to give it a go.

Pretty people partied it up in Cannes.

Reality TV Notes:

• A rancher was the big Survivor.
• Not quite a star, but perhaps that big disco ball trophy will help Shawn Johnson get some press after this week.
• And if you didn't know Kris Allen is your American Idol, then he probably isn't.

Hope you weren't a Darrell Hammond fan. Last Saturday was his final appearance on SNL. In case you missed it, watch one last Jeopardy.

Everything old is, well, old again. Proof: Sherlock Holmes.Footloose.

Something strange in your neighborhood? Don't worry - you can call on those ol' reliable Ghostbusters - because they're coming back for a third movie.

A new odd couple: Cher & Christina Aguilera.

Jimmy Kimmel has bitten the hand that feeds him. To be fair, I'd say the same thing about the network's programming. Wait. I HAVE.

Not that I know anyone who was headed to London to see Michael Jackson try to sing and dance to tunes he made popular more than 20 years ago, but many of his summer concert dates have been bumped into next year.

The Week in Pop Culture

Apparently, The Donald likes him some crazy! He hired Joan Rivers (though she won't be working for him - she just earned money for charity) on the finale of The Apprentice.

The cowboy with the wooden robot arms got booted from "Dancing With The Stars."

The Widower got kicked off "American Idol," leaving two guys whose albums you'll probably never buy in the finals.

ABC has picked up a show that will either be the death of the network or a huge hit. So long as I don't have to actually see Ryan Seacrest, I'll be OK with it.

One more example of how fake MTV's reality shows are: they're bringing back a girl who likes to create drama. Oh, I'll still watch because I consider it perfectly healthy to yell things like "You're an idiot!" and "REALLY????"

Because Johnny Depp can do anything, why shouldn't he play Frank Sinatra on the big screen?

Miss California blamed the devil for that whole gay marriage question. Guess he wasn't to blame for her pre-contest boob job -must have been the pageant people who paid for it. Oh, and she gets to keep her title, so YIPPEE!!

Miss Panama makes that pageant girl look smart.

Something to take a shot at your self-esteem: Maxim's Hot 100 List.

Her heart will go on! Break out the tissues (and in my case, the earplugs): Celine Dion is going back to Vegas.

Bruce Jenner, soon to be 60, wants to look like he did when he was in the Olympics 100 years ago.

Brian Williams knows more than news. He loves him some music. LOTS OF IT!

I'm a hat fan, but have never placed a hat on my holiday tree. Perhaps this one will do the trick.

America's Next Top Model gave a former Super Model the heave-ho because of her attitude. What? She was just being a MODEL.

Last Saturday, you may have laughed at Mother Lover, but my favorite SNL moment was this one.

Because there aren't enough GOOD steroids stories out there, the "American Gladiators" (remember them?) are coming to the big screen!

This sounds a lot like "Love Actually" - only not as good. I know, I know. It's not out yet. I should give it a chance. Unlike some people I know, I'll pass on this one in the theater.

While we were electioning, Jessica Simpson was, um, doing this. We win!

Speaking of politics...my beloved Joe B. is not smarter than a 5th grader. It's OK. He still has a special place in my heart. I'm scared to say otherwise.

The President made a few funnies at Washington's expense. Then Wanda Sykes had to go and, well, be herself.

See? I'm not the ONLY one bothered by ringing cell phones!

One more political post: our dear Governor MoFo likes 'em on their knees in his office. TRUE STORY. Read and watch it here.

PEEVE Report

If you know me, you know I'm easily peeved. At some point, you've probably asked me to tell you what's not a peeve as that list would be shorter. But last night, I decided I've had enough of something.

RING TONES.

Now, before I begin my rant, let me tell you this: I have a ring tone (actually two - one for calls (The Ting Tings "Great DJ", one for texts (Chris Farley saying, "Fat guy in a little coat"). However, I don't force everyone to hear it at all times. When I walk into work, I turn on the "vibrate" function. When it buzzes on my desk I can hear that. I mean, why would my co-workers need to hear "Imagine all the girls, Ah ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And the boys, Ah ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And the strings, Eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee. And the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums?"

The problem? I realized my co-workers think it's perfectly OK to let their phones blast things like the Sportscenter open or go BING BONG BING BONG even when they're sitting right there next to the phone.

WHY????

So, in my not-so-subtle way, I'd like to ask anyone reading this to PLEASE turn off your party phone when you're in a work environment, church, doctor's office or any other place where people need quiet/concentration time. You can rock "Baby Got Back" when you're outside, but when you're in my space, turn that noise off!

Thank you!
You're cranky pal, Nicole

The Week in Pop Culture

Because I know some people who seem to always be the last to know some pop culture-y things, I've decided to start rounding up some of the non-news news for them and you - my kind readers. Enjoy!

Britney Spears freaks out when a fan boy comes on stage to dance with her. See it here. Note the music/singing happening while she screams and shakes her hands at the boy.

Kirstie Alley told People magazine why she gained her weight (and then some) back. Spoiler alert: she quit eating Jenny Craig and moved her workout equipment to the garage. I'm sure that sounded like a good idea at the time.

Farrah Fawcett's been recording her battle with cancer. NBC thinks it'll make good TV.

"Star Trek" the movie is in theaters this week. I've never seen an entire episode of the show or more than 1 minute of the old movies, but I'm going to see Chris Pine. He's H-O-T.

Lil' Kim and her booty got, well, booted off "DWTS."

The last girl singing on "American Idol" got the axe.

The talk of the newsroom (generated by yours truly) was whether this girl has a wiener. I say yes. However, I don't want to see proof.

Victoria Principal, who probably hasn't worked in the last decade (unless it's in one of those Lifetime movies I never watch), is apparently too busy to walk her dog. She makes her maid do it. And apparently, it's "Chop Chop" with Vicki or she'll pistol whip you!

Shia LaBeouf has a crush on his mom. Actually, it's more than a crush. It's creepy. And if you want to know his definition of "the sexiest woman I know," well, here you go.

Jennifer Hudson, who's already engaged to some guy who was on a reality show, proposed to her fiance by giving him a five carat ring. Hmmm...wonder who wins in that relationship???

Candidates for DB of the week:

Kiefer Sutherland head-butted a designer for quite possibly no real reason. Not sure if he didn't like the guy's designs, or just felt like going after a guy who uses material as his weapon of choice. And now he's being charged with assault. Sounds like somebody's going back to the pokey!

Jon of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" might be cheating on his wife, who makes me on a bad day seem like an angel.

That guy, Joe The Plumber (whose name really isn't Joe and he technically doesn't plumb anything), calls gays "queer" and says he won't let them near his children.

Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments!

What I'm Rocking

Yes, I know some of you gave up on U2 a long time ago. I have stood by these guys. I admit "Get on your boots" is not my favorite song on the new album, but this is one of them. It reminds me of some of their older stuff. I love it! Hope you'll give it a chance! :)

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Sure, there's a real reason for grabbing the tequila (like my favorite one pictured above) or Mexican beer today. If you don't know what it is, read this. See? I'm here to inform.

Since I'll be working today (thanks to the jerks who won that big Mega Millions jackpot Friday), I'm compiling a list of ways I would celebrate if not for that job thingy.

1. Drinking tequila until I pass out or throw up.
2. Drinking Dos Equis until I pass out or throw up (might be difficult since I have a very high beer tolerance).
3. Watching Novelas because a) I could learn some Spanish and b) the characters are all kinds of crazy even if you don't speak the language.
4. Whacking a pinata until the candy spills out or I get tired (the latter is more likely to happen).
5. Going to a park to watch people barbecue and wondering why they couldn't just do that at home. Seriously - I don't get this or people who camp at city parks. Why don't you just pitch a tent in your backyard? Weirdos.
6. Driving around and doing my best grito. And by "best" I mean the worst you've ever heard. If you don't believe me, give me $100 and I'll prove it.
7. Driving around and counting vehicles with peoples last names spelled out in big block letters. That's a brown people thing. BTW - saying that doesn't make me racist - just observant.
8. Watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua." What screams Mexican pride more than a Mexican dog who lives it up in 90210? Oh, probably that "George Lopez Show." Pass.
9. Trading my quarters for pesos. Not sure what a roll of US currency will get me, but I bet it's enough to buy chicle!
10. Walking around The Mercado. It's like Mexico, only the odds of being shot or catching swine flu are significantly lower.

That's all I have for you people. You should be happy to see this post, since I've been a blog slacker lately. I promise to get back on track! Until next time, random readers...