Friday, February 1, 2013

I Need More Stupid People In My Life

Not because I want to test my patience. I need the stupids to help me invent things to prevent them from hurting themselves. Why? Because I wish I had invented the WAXVAC.

Grown people who don't know how to use a Q-Tip without stabbing themselves in the brain? What else can't they do? I use a Q-Tip after I get out of the shower. I don't jab it in my ear BECAUSE I AM AN ADULT AND I KNOW BETTER! What's a little alarming in this ad is that these people appear to have kids. I will never understand how people who are so seemingly dumb and helpless manage to have children who survive to be adults. I'm also a little grossed out by this product. You have to empty the container with your sucked out ear wax. Now, if I had a stupid person in my house and had to buy this, I would tell them it was their brains and that one day they'd wake up and be a zombie who I would then have to stab in the head to save myself. That's right. Sleep with one eye open and your ears covered!

I could also use more stupid people in my life to invent things to keep them from making messes and being wasteful. Like Wraptastic.

Now, I understand that wrap stuff can sometimes be a little sticky. However, a person with half a brain wouldn't unroll the whole thing. She would carefully unroll it over whatever needed covering so that it clings to the container or the food. Let's be honest: if you are that horrible at using the packaging to unroll and cut your plastic wrap, you're probably not doing other things in the kitchen regularly that would make you good at this. You should save yourself! Never use your kitchen except to make a bowl of cereal! But be careful - those plastic bags are really tough to open without spilling your Cheerios all over the place! PS - PLEASE STAY OUT OF MY KITCHEN!
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