Chris Brown says he's sorry. Does anyone believe him? Does anyone care?
Shaq is bringing his reality TV show to ABC next month. If I'm lucky, it will a) be good and b) play at 9pm.
MCA has cancer. No snark for this one.
Nicholas Cage and his hair plugs want in on "The Green Hornet" movie.
If you were planning on sending J-Lo and her twins a gift, don't send balloons.
The Divas return to VH1. No exclamation point. I'm kind of interested in all but one. You guess.
Tyler Perry is a do-gooder. I still don't think he's funny.
OMG - this makes me want to drink Diet Coke!
Seth Rogen was a minor plot line on last Sunday's "Entourage." He has some not-so-nice words for the show's creator.
Katherine Heigl REALLY wants me to punch her in the face. Seriously? Complaining about a 17-hour day - when she only has to work for a few months a year? Suck it.
You should know that if Kiefer Sutherland headbutts you, there's a good chance he won't serve time.
Stephen Baldwin has no talent - I mean money.
Loved "The Notebook." A musical (?) - not so much.
Paul Giamatti speaks soul - not music or food.
If you've ever wanted to smell like a crackhead but don't want to actually SMOKE the crack, this perfume might be the thing for you.
Jon Stewart - the most trusted newsman in America. Um, people know he's not REALLY a newsman right - or are they too dumb to get satire?
Summer was going so well without Speidi, then this. Heidi Pratt is "performing" at the Miss Universe Pageant. First of all, I had no idea these pageants were a) televised or b) watched. But performing? What is she going to do? Stare at the camera? Cry?
Another note from the not-quite-famous crowd: some tabloid reporter resigned after confirming she's dating Jon Gosselin. I'd write something snarky, but I just threw up in my mouth.
I still don't get Zac Efron. He goes from boy who needs a haircut and a shower, to pretty boy. Is there some machine that does this? If so, I'm putting that on my wish list.
Angelina Jolie went to Iraq this week. I went to get nuked in a lab. But I did win $74 in lottery tickets. Who's a winner now?
Paris Hilton might have told the worst lie of the week.
And I'll leave you with this - Will Arnett reading from a familiar teen book. Enjoy?