NOTE: Yes, that brown stuff is what used to be grass. It is part of my "I have a green thumb and will make my yard spring to life like there never was a drought" plan. Back. Off.
I just don't understand how those little red creatures with the word "lady" in their name could behave so whorishly! It's almost as confusing as that "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" song. Seriously, that song is CREEEEEPY. Have you ever smelled a Mall Santa? If I caught my mom leaning in to one of those, I'd knock her out, then drop her off at the loony bin where she would clearly belong.
What I've learned in the last week:
- Don't pick up large rocks with your bare hands because you are most definitely disturbing some kind of wildlife (in my case it was a giant lizard colony that fought back by jumping off the rocks at me, forcing me to scream - BTW, thanks neighbors for checking to see if I was being eaten alive by an anaconda - JERKS).
- Before grabbing the garden hose (not a dirty phrase, gutterbrains), look for the lady bug orgy.
- Lady bugs are NOT ladies. I will now call them slut bugs.
- Don't go in the yard without a camera. There is real life happening out there and it needs better documentation.