I Had A Dream...

I wish I could tell you my dreams were as life-changing as Dr. Martin Luther King's. Sadly, my dreams (at least the ones I remember) are often the stuff crackheads must see in their waking (and high) moments.


Remember those American Gladiators?

Yeah. Those muscle-y, breast-y, big (mullet) haired, greasy gladiators. They "battled" one another in some pretty physical challenges. Well, those types of challenges were in my dreams, but it was not those pretty people doing them. Look, they were pretty in their time. They might be pretty now, I don't know. Where are they? What are their names?


My contestants were commercial stars. One round involved these two ladies.

That's the Roomstore lady and the Progressive lady. They were competing in one of those events where they stand over water and hit each other with foam-covered sticks until one falls off. That round went to the Progressive lady. Are you surprised? She makes a mean pitch for insurance (and aren't there enough cheap furniture stores?)!

The next round was just plain strange. It involved a rope ladder climb. Oh, and the contestants, also commercial pitchers:

This might surprise you, but that little gecko can climb really fast! The whole time he was taunting the Aflac duck with phrases like "You might be bigger than me, but you're clumsy. You're loud and lowsy - not a good combination." All that duck could say was "AFLAC!!!" The duck was defeated. The gecko just looked down at him with his big eyes, little green arms folded in front of his chest.


I don't remember ever watching a full episode of "Gladiators." I have no idea why I had this dream. Strange. But I did wake up relieved that the gecko won. My heart was even racing a bit. I might need medication. Or a vacation.