Wednesday, June 30, 2010

More Movies I Can't Wait To Miss


Another month, another batch of movies I have no interest in seeing. Here's what I'll be avoiding at the theaters in July:


I liked the books. The movies have been a bit of a disappointment. Maybe it's because Kristen Stewart is quite possibly the world's worst actress. Maybe it's because these books, despite their popularity and ability to get teens (and their parents) to spend lots of money, just don't translate - at least not at the budget they movie makers have been given. I'm not asking for The James Cameron Touch on every film, but once you've seen how RIGHT movies can make special effects, seeing these movies is like watching effects done in the eighties - SUPER CHEESE.

The Last Airbender

This is the LAST airbender? Why am I just now hearing about this? Sarcasm, folks. First of all, I don't even know what an airbender is. [I learned it's a lot like a movie I've seen before: "The Golden Child."] Second, that means I don't care if he/she/it becomes extinct. Also, it's directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I'm gonna go ahead and bet it's a dream/they're all dead. SPOILER ALERT? Best thing about this title: there's no way you can make a sequel when you call something "the last." Wait. Just realized they could make a prequel. JERKS.

Predators


This is a reboot. I'm automatically skeptical. And it stars Adrien Brody. When did he decide to start making movies for the paychecks? Played.


FULL DISCLOSURE: I am not a fan of fantasy movies. So, the fact that this movie title has the word "sorcerer" in it is an instant turn off. I don't care if the sorcerer is George Clooney (I checked - it's Nicolas Cage), I'm out. Even if this sorcerer takes his face ... off, this one gets a big N-O.

Ramona and Beezus

I know I am not the target audience for this one. I would have been all over this if it was being released in 1985. Sadly, it's 2010, so I'll take the pass on this one.


Wow. They'll make anything to get parents to fork over cash! I'm all for cute videos of dogs and cats. In fact, on a slow day, I've been known to surf youtube looking for videos of animals to entertain me. But after watching this trailer, I am certain I won't be seeing this one. Ever.


Wow. Drama starring that boy from "High School Musical." No, thank you. I can't do these movies. I find myself struggling to shout at the screen and people don't like when you yell things like, "Oh COME ON!"


Where do I begin? I am SO tired of pretty young actors trying to do ugly roles so they can be taken seriously. I almost never like these junkie movies. Maybe it's because I've never been one. Maybe it's because the closest to addiction I've ever known is cupcakes (seriously, they're delicious and sweet and just the perfect serving size).

There are quite a few movies I'd like to catch this month:
I'm on the fence about Dinner For Schmucks. I might just Netflix that one.
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