TUMS, You're A Creeper

These little chewable tablets promise to settle your tummy. They might work, I can't remember taking them.

But what they are doing lately is unsettling.

TUMS has rolled out a handful of ads that don't make my stomach feel good. In fact, I think they're not even talking about food and its tummy gurgling effects.

Don't believe me?

Take a look.

Here's Exhibit A:

Not enough? Exhibit B:


Still not grossed out? Exhibit C:


Some of you might think this whole "food trying to tell you not to eat unless you have TUMS handy" is cute - that's because you're a bunch of sickos.

The rest of you understand that this is not REALLY about food. The people behind this ad campaign are naughty. I rewatched Bridesmaids and Kristen Wiig's character talking about how she spent the night (oh, how to put this in a way that is descriptive without being graphic?) dodging her bed buddy's bits and pieces as they kept being put in her face reminded me just how disgusting these ads are.

Subtle, yes. In fact, I bet if these ads aired in any other less-prudish country, they'd probably slow down the food slaps to the face and put some sexy time music in the background. But these ads don't make me want TUMS. They make me want a shower. While all I know about how the advertising industry works comes from Mad Men, I'd say that's not mission accomplished. Unless TUMS makes soap, in which case I really need to know what brand so I don't buy it.