Sunday, August 1, 2010

Here's What I'll Avoid This Month

Ahhh. August 1st. A new month. More movies hit the theaters and they're not all winners in my book. Here's what I'm not going to see:

Step Up 3-D

I love the connection to "SYTYCD," but I have no interest in seeing a dance movie in 3-D. Not one bit.

Middle Men

Ugh. Guy decides to make money by selling porn on the Internet. Look, it's supposed to be 1995, when porn wasn't as easy to find online as it is now. If you've never found it, you're just not Googling effectively.


Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

You should know I'm not usually drawn to comic book movies. So the idea that sweet Michael Cera (see Juno, Superbad) is supposed to be able to fight dudes with superpowers is just not enough to lure me to the theater.

The Expendables

Even if you put me in a time machine to travel back to the 1980s, I don't think I'd see this one. I can only imagine what the craft service table looked like: steroids, protein shakes, pain relievers and a doctor standing by with Botox to try to even out some of the wrinkling on these guys. It might be campy fun. I'll let you check it out. I'll wait until it comes on cable. Maybe.

Nanny McPhee Returns

I didn't see the first one, so I feel OK missing the second one.

Piranha 3-D

Let's see... flesh eating flesh in the virtual flesh? No.

Lottery Ticket

I'd rather spend my money on actual lottery tickets.

The Switch

Thanks to the tabloids, I already think of Jen as a baby-craving clingy girl. The last thing I want is to see it on the big screen.

Takers

I feel like I've seen this before. Oh, yeah, Matt Dillon's last movie also involved robbery. LAME.

Going The Distance

I love Drew Barrymore. I just don't love these kinds of movies.

The Last Exorcism

No. No way. Maybe in the daylight via Netflix. But not in a theater.

Here's what I want to catch:
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