There must be some sort of vast conspiracy among the rocks on the road. It's like they see my car and think "That's the one! Get it!" Then, they fly at warp speed and smash into my windshield, often sending a small crack across the windshield.
Today, one of them was especially large. I actually saw it coming. I bobbed my head to the left as if it was going to crash through my windshield and clobber me. Luckily, the glass stopped it. And immediately, this was what I saw.I called it names. I cursed all rock-kind. And now, I think I have to break down and get a new windshield. This crack scares me. I'm afraid it will do great harm to the rest of the windshield. So if you want to help your friend Nicole pay for a new windshield, send me unmarked cash. I believe it will cost $1 million to replace. I'm making a call to Jerry Lewis to see if he can do a telethon for me.