Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Totally Not Necessary

I cannot believe how many suckers are out there! Why else would people come up with ridiculous products to get the really naive to throw away their money? Here are three things you don't need to spend money on.

My Bud Light
Not to be all beer snob, but why are you people drinking light beer? If you'd take a few minutes to watch the documentary Beer Wars, you'd know this stuff is so watered down, you might as well just buy a bottle of water and mix some food coloring in it. You'd get more of a buzz by taking the last sip of someone's REAL beer and filling the rest of the bottle with water. It's a scam by the big beer makers and you people are falling for it.

And if you have so many friends that you might mix up your weak excuse for a beer that you need to write your name - or favorite insult - on it, you're a tool.

Drink a real beer. You might respect yourself more in the morning.

This is one from the "Are you kidding me?" file.

Even if you are on a lobster-only diet, this is not a good idea. I am a bit of a mess. I will not eat certain things if I'm wearing a white shirt (because I have ruined many white shirts with pasta sauce, chocolate, soda, coffee, etc.). But even I won't spend $14.95 plus shipping and handling for a grown up bib. Why? Because it's ridiculous. Don't buy this for a gag gift. The only exception I see is for senior citizens. If you are old, you can wear anything because you can. Your days are numbered. Do what you like with your money. Just know that your kids will throw it away after you die. Don't will it to anyone except your neighbor in the nursing home.

Boxer Jeans
Oh. My. God.

Fellas, this is wrong on so many levels.

  1. These are underwear?
  2. These are shorts?
  3. These are really short shorts?
No. Just don't. 

I don't want to see someone at the store wearing these, trying to pass off these mini-man panties as outerwear.

The only guy who can get away with this works for a company called "Chippendales." However, I'm not sure if those are actual pockets or just painted to look like them. Wait. I'm not that curious. Please don't show them to me in person.

Dove Nourished Beauty Deodorant
The same people who want you to celebrate your natural beauty are now telling you your armpits are ugly and can be fixed with their deodorant?

The ad says your pits will be "ready to reveal in just five days."

Ladies, if a guy is celebrating your beautiful armpits, you should get away from him. NOW. He is very close to chopping you up and saving only your pits. And if you think deodorant won't make your pits prettier, you're right. Wear your short sleeves to keep cool or avoid a farmer tan! Don't worry about how pretty your pits are. Just worry about them not being stinky. Oh, but seriously, if your pits are ugly, start by shaving them. Unshaven pits are not American.

Similar Posts:

Post a Comment