Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Challenge: Lady-Friendly Reality TV

In exchange for my agreement to watch and blog wrestling, Trevor has come through on his end of the deal. At first, he was just assigned to watch The Fashion Show. When I realized I was in for three hours of wrestling, I demanded Trevor add The Millionaire Matchmaker to the job. Here's what he thinks of those shows.

The Millionaire Matchmaker
I don’t know a whole lot about this show so I’m just diving in.  Apparently Millionaire’s Club owner Patti Stanger has been begging her friend, Judith Regan (the queen of all media says fellow matchmaker Destin - seen here at right) to join the club.  Rachel, the VP of matching, offers up another name, Andrea Corealli to be fixed up on a date.  Andrea is caterer to the stars and you guessed it, she’s looking for love.  Where else to go but reality television when looking for love?  So we’re clear, if I were a millionaire, the last place I’d go looking for love is to two people who look like they’ve never been on a date before.  So Andrea is 40 and can’t find a date.  Awesome, catering Andrea has a list of what she looks for in a guy, a multicolored list.  Patti has decided she doesn’t care what Andrea wants is finding a guy for her.  Her Peppermint Patty on Acid assistant thinks that’s awesome.  I’m glad she’s here.  Now finding Andrea love is on hold so Patti can go get drunk with the other woman she’s trying to find a man for. 

Judith Regan is a radio talk show host and publisher.  She says she likes men with a generous spirit and men who are funny.  From the video clips they’re showing of her she actually just likes gay men.  Strange that she can’t find a boyfriend.  Oh and look at that, Judith just said her star crush is Bruce Vilanch.  Can we skip to the part of this show where this woman gets a sex change so she can date gay men or is that another Bravo show?  Apparently Judith has ruled out sex and Patti is going to change that.  We’ll get back to this dilemma.

Back to Andrea the caterer.  After finding out she’s worth around five million dollars, this pastry lady thinks it’s time to find love.  That list I told you about earlier, yeah it’s back and now on fire.  Of course these two women are disagreeing on what Andrea wants.  I’m really glad I agreed to watch this.

Now Patti and the lab experiments that work with her are screening guys.  After finding three 35-45 year old “perfect” guys for Andrea, Patti and Co. are trying to find Judith some comedians.  They find two and Dave the actor and the mixer date is set.  Sweet.  Hey look, Bruce Vilanch is back.  Bruce is turning Judith down in the funniest way possible, because as he says, he’s been gay for the last 125 years.  This was is the best part of the show so far.  Hopefully we see more of him.

And it’s time for the dinner date.  Judith is digging Jon the comedian.  Andrea’s date isn’t going so well.  Wait, wait, we’re back to Judith’s dates and Dave the actor is being a heckler to the other comedians... Oh wait, we’re going back to Andrea’s date, I can’t keep up with these Bravo shows, but apparently Andrea isn’t happy about these dates.  Andrea is getting chewed out by Patti now and then she walks off.  Back to Judith, she’s digging the two comedians and not liking the actor (he sucks anyways).  Now it’s time to choose a date.  Andrea goes with Carlos from Mexico City and Judith is picking Jon the comedian.  Now these other guys have to get shot down in front of the guys who won dates.  Classy. 

Time for the master dates.  Andrea is nervous and excited about her date.  Andrea and her catering team cooked for Carlos from Mexico City.  He seems blown away.  Alright, well apparently that was going too well for it to be good TV because 2 minutes later we’re at Judith’s date (if you can’t keep up anymore hop on board, because I’ve been driving that bus since the 5 minute mark).  Jon the comedian takes Judith to the Museum of Sex.  Ballsy move, but she seems to be having an awfully good time.  Jon also his loving the date and apparently is now trying to get Judith in bed on the first date.  Good luck Jon. 

Back to Andrea, she is dating Carlos from Mexico City that she picked him for a date because he’s passionate and is in the food industry.  They seem to like each other so much that again, we only get to see about 45 seconds of their date. 

Back on Judith’s date, Jon seems to be doing well for himself.  There’s lots of flirting going on here, so apparently Judith is rethinking her no sex thing.  They agree to go walking in Central Park one morning.  Good for them.

Judith meets with Patti and the science experiments and it turns out Judith had a great time and they’re going to see each other again. Cool.  Apparently Andrea is single because she cooks for men on the first date.  Andrea decides she wants to see Carlos again.  Patti feels great about herself.  I do not.  What’s next?

The Fashion Show
Here’s what I know about Fashion Show: It has Iman in it.  That’s all I got.    So like the Real World/Road Rules Challenge but with clothes.

There’s a different vibe in the two houses, I know this because the music is dark and serious for one house and happy and light for the other.  I already like this show because they get right to the challenge instead of some drama I don’t care about.  Today’s challenge is to design a high society ball gown.  Calvin from the House of Nami (seen here on the left) says he doesn’t like working with clients because they’re kinda bitchy.  I can see where this is going.  Let’s see if I’m right.  Hey look, those clients are the Real Housewives of Orange County. Get the hell out of here.  So much for a drama free show.  Oh wait, the Real Housewives of New Jersey on this too? I feel either a mafia hit or some fist pumping will happen in this show.  Calvin breaks it down like this: “One side is sparkles and extremely blond. One side is very dark hair and is all about bosom… and bosom some more”.  This little gay Asian cracks me up.  Apparently House of Nami gets the Real Housewives of New Jersey, so I’m picking them to win this challenge because if they don’t, not only does someone go home, they’ll also have to deal with Tony Soprano and his mob friends (and no, Tony didn’t die when the screen went to black).  Calvin feels these New Jersey housewives need to class up.  We should just make him the narrator until one of the mob bosses sees how much he’s talking about these Jersey women and orders a hit on him.  Uh-oh, Gretchen has brought her own designs… scandal. 

Over on the Jersey side there are concerns about not showing any cellulite and someone having the same body as someone’s mother.  Caroline (who is older) did not like being compared to her designer’s mom.  Calvin likes having Teresa because she likes that boobs and butt hang out and that’s his kind of girl.  Never in a million years would I think Calvin and I had something in common when it comes to women. 

Uh-oh, now there’s some debate over what colors all the designers are going to use.  I’m assuming this is a big deal because they just dropped the dramatic music in the background.  Calvin just said “Absolutely Hell To The No”.  Get this guy his own show now.  Meanwhile the House of Emerald is rolling.  If I learned anything from Millionaire Matchmaker we won’t watch too much of them because you know, they’re doing a good job.  Issac seems to approve of their design.  Hey, look at that, we’re already back to House of Nami.  Here comes the dramatic music!  David doesn’t like when Calvin takes over.  Well you know what David, you’re wrong. 

Something I’m learning from this show: Housewives love the show off their boobs.  I support this.  Oh, David and Dominique have feelings for each other.  That will end well. 

Calvin is done.  Clothes are like child’s play for Calvin and he is tired of everyone’s slow pace.  He’s going to design another dress because he’s bored. Aaaand scene.

Now the housewives are trying their gowns on and it seems they’re all worried they have too many clothes on.  How very Cougar of them.  Gretchen wants more cleavage.  Cougar.  Uh-oh, there’s a tear in the dress.  Drama.  Oh great, over in the House of Nami the Jersey housewives are calling Teresa a stripper because of her dress and then getting jealous over the other dresses in the room.  That is until Calvin steps in with the verbal bitch slap.  I’m glad he’s here. 

The OC housewives love their dresses.  The Jersey housewives also love the OC wives’ dresses.  So I guess we know who’s going to win this one.  Oh man, Calvin-Teresa showdown.  This guy cracks me up.  Now David is freaking out about his dress.  Hope his bags are packed.  Calvin and David are now arguing, and Calvin looks like he’s going to kill David.  That’d be a reality TV first. 

Hey, look at that, Carolina loves David’s dress.  Disaster averted.  However, Caroline just threatened to kick Calvin’s ass.

In the words of Real World/Road Rules Challenge host T.J. Lavin, House of Emerald just killed it.  At least they think so.  Let’s see how Nami did.  And Dominique is crying.  This happened a lot this episode.  The Nami show is going well too.  So it looks like this is going to be closer then we thought.  Hey look, Iman is actually on this show.  And House of Emerald’s critique isn’t going so well.  Wow, this is train wreck.  Shows what the hell I know about fashion. 

Here comes House of Nami.  Calvin likes his design.  Iman and Co. don’t like it as much, but they don’t hate it.  Dominique got ripped apart and amazingly she didn’t cry.  David killed it.  Eduardo, who was so boring, this is my first mention of him.  His dress was probably the best, but apparently he designs a dress like that all the time. 

House of Nami won this challenge and the House of Nami is stunned.  I still don’t know what Nami means.  House of Emerald loses and Golnessa is going home.  She’s crying about it but she’s happy her best friend Cindy gets to stay.  Calvin for President.

Note: Trevor usually writes about sporty things.
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