Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Ten Things

No matter how many movies or TV interviews I see, I always find myself giggling at Russell Brand.

Maybe it's because I find his drunken, drugged-up, man whoring ways a bit silly. Seriously, that seems to be his thing.

But a look at his Twitter feed reveals he's not really that guy. Here are ten things I learned from/about Russell, AKA rustyrockets.

Clearly, he likes movies. Or, like yours truly, has dreams/Tweets that are easily influenced by whatever he's just seen. TRUE STORY: I saw The Fighter, Black Swan, True Grit and The King's Speech in a two week period. I had a dream that I was a stuttering boxer who fought a bearded outlaw by a swan-filled lake. On second thought, maybe Mr. Brand just liked Christian Bale's character in The Fighter. Might be the only dude skinnier than him. On a related note, his repeated requests for condoms shows he's a safety guy (though it's kind of strange and creepy for a grown man to ask his mum to send condoms).

I'm not sure if he's making the case for or against 3D TV. While I do like a good tranny sighting, I'm not sure that I'm ready to see one in my living room while watching TV. Wait. Does this mean there's a tranny channel in 3D or does one appear when you turn on the TV? I'm confused. I don't know why I'm worried about this. One of those TVs is way out of my price range and I'm not exactly excited about wearing silly glasses while I watch TV.

Oh, good! A public service announcement! I hope that people who have those problems didn't think this Tweet was meant for a giggle.

That settles one of life's mysteries.

This actually raises more questions than it answers. Are his farts like those dogs at the airport, sniffing out other things? Is he saying his farts have an odor? And if so, is it sweet - like roses - or foul - like death? Inquiring minds...

That's very similar to the look my cat gives me when I wake up to find him inches from my face - like he's willing me to wake up (or not depending on the day).

Don't say no one told you this. Now you know.

Seriously. I don't know what it is about today's society that people can't just wait to let things take their natural course. People are so impatient that they feel like they must hurry things along.

Even if Elmo started it, I'm pretty sure my favorite red, furry friend keeps it above the belt. This is an episode of Sesame Street that would clearly require a warning and perhaps a visit from Dr. Drew to discuss "good touch, bad touch" and "when your privates go public."

And now I am totally excited about the new Arthur movie!

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