Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I Know Who You Are

I do. I know where you live. I know how you found me. And I know that you're just a creeper. A lurker. A reader who looks at my ramblings and moves on. And you rarely have the courtesy to say, "hello."

So, dear, kind reader, I have decided to out you. Here are the three things I know about you.

You're Mostly American
I don't know what I need to get middle America to find me, but whatever. Can't please everyone. And you Europeans, in particular you Brits, find me regularly. The Internet is smart. It knows where you are. OOOH. Spooky.

You People Can't Get Enough of Me
My most popular post was written in July. The Pink Movie was a little rant about how Hollywood seems to think if you put pink in a chick flick, ladies will overlook the weak story line. My Eyes! MY EYES! was written back in 2008. It was linked from Deadspin (holla) because of the unusual photo I wrote about. While I have made Ten Things a recurring post, the one I wrote about MC Hammer in November keeps luring people back to my blog. CROCS: They're Not Just Ugly, They're Also Creepy was written in September. Apparently, you people need Google to confirm that creepy fact. Golden Globes: Live Blog/Drinking Game was just written Sunday. This tells me you people love celebrities and booze - perhaps not in that order. Which brings me to...

You People Like Booze
Before "Golden Globes Drinking Game" and those repeated requests for the Itty Bitty Umbrella (see post here) took over, most of you were finding this blog by searching for Chocovine (which I have written about here and here). You people like booze almost as much as I do (and my love for it is at a healthy range - for now). 

Now that I've revealed who you people are (wonderful, fabulous people), I only ask that you do one of two things:
please make a comment or click on one of the reactions boxes. I'm not asking you to send me fan mail. I just want to know if you like what you see. How hard is it to click on a freaking box?

You don't even have to go as far as these people and announce to the world that you follow this blog:

I didn't start writing this blog to charm you all with my wit, snark and odd observations. I did it because I wanted an outlet to share my world with my friends - and if a few hundred strangers find it, so be it. But I am a little creeped out by you people who wander onto this blog and linger for a few minutes, but don't give me any feedback. How do you people expect me to get any better if you don't tell me how I'm doing? 

PS - by "get any better," I mean as a writer. I'm not posting about my mental health. Yet. I think. 
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