Can I Borrow $17 Million?

Now that I've been up for a little while, I'm ready to blog for you people. That's right. I do it for YOU. I'm not selfish.

OK. Here's why I need to borrow some money. I have found my dream home. And since I a) don't live in California and b) earn $3 an hour plus tips, I need your help. You got me. I earn more than that, but I don't get cash tips. The only ones I get are for stories. FYI: I'd rather have cash. Here's one picture:And you can read about it here.

So, consider making a loan. I'm good for it. If you're really nice, you'd just write me a check - not one that will bounce. That will just make me cry (and, yes, I cry REAL tears). I'd even let you stay in one of the master suites. Thank you in advance for supporting my dream. And if enough of you don't help a girl out, I'm going to have to resort to becoming an email scammer. That seems like it takes a whole lot of work. I'm so not down with that. If THAT doesn't work, I may sell bar-b-que plates. People do that all the time here. If I do that, I need food handlers, so everyone get ready to go get permits. What? Don't you want a nice place to stay (BTW: only for the weekend - any longer than that and I'll be bored of you)?

If I can come up with $11 million, I can get this one!