Why I Can't Go To The Olympics

I know, there's the whole "world class athlete" issue (and if you read the next post, you'll understand why that is NOT me). There's also the issue of going to Pollutionville - sooo not my idea of a good time. And China appears to be the World's Fun Hater.

I just read a story on CNN about China's rules for foreigners. Get a load of some of the rules:

• Those with "mental diseases" or contagious conditions will be barred.
• Some parts of the country are closed to visitors -- one of them Tibet.
• Olympic tickets are no guarantee of a visa to enter China.
• Foreigners staying with Chinese residents in urban areas must register at a local police station within 24 hours of arriving. The limit in rural areas is 72 hours.

OK. So I'm already barred from entry with the first one (I'm not contagious, so you guess which part of that suits me).

No Tibet? How will I ever meet Richard Gere?

No ticket, no entry? What? If I buy a pass to the Louvre, I can't go to France? (Sorry, that's the best I can do right now)

Register with police? I think they're on to something. I might have to send that to the cops here. Think what that could do to crime in this town! I can just hear the chief now, "Gangsters, check in with police before your drive-bys." OMG - I crack MYSELF up, y'all!

China's really one of those places I'd just like to get in, see the touristy things and get the heck out. Apparently, if I wanted to do that this summer, I couldn't. Jerks.

Gimme a panda.