Wednesday, June 11, 2008

MMMM... Tastes Like A Heart Attack

Sauget, Illinois Gateway Grizzlies are catering to carb lovers who don't care whether they live to see tomorrow. You may have seen the story on deadspin, but I'm bringing it to you here.

The official word from the club:

The Grizzlies, along with J&J Snacks Foods Corporation and Frank’s Red Hot have put together “Baseball’s Best Soft Pretzel.” “Baseball’s Best Soft Pretzel” will consist of a J&J Snack Foods SUPERPRETZEL® that is marinated in Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce and served with mozzarella cheese melted over the top of it. The soft pretzel will come with your choice of ranch or blue cheese dressing and will cost $3.50.

What's not fantastic about that?
Pretzel? Check.
Hot Sauce? Check.
Mozzarella Cheese? Check.
Ranch or blue cheese? Check.

I bet it's good until about 10 minutes after you've eaten every last messy bite. Then, the ol' stomach starts saying, "What did I do to you? Are you kidding me? I'll show you who's in charge." And then you're reaching for the antacid and headin' to the pool to drop off some kids. Sorry. I couldn't resist the toilet humor.

This ball club wants to kill its fans. Some of its other offerings:
  • "Baseball's Best Slider" - thin-sliced, steam-grilled, square-shaped burger topped with cheese and grilled onions that is then breaded and deep-fried
  • “Baseball’s Best Burger” - thick, juicy burger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon placed between a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut.
  • "Baseball’s Best Hotdog" - 1/5 pound Farmland 8 inch All Beef Black Angus Hot Dog, topped with two strips of freshly cooked bacon, 1 oz. Sautéed Onions, 1 oz. Sautéed Sauerkraut and ½ oz. Cheddar Cheese Sauce, all on a fresh baked bun
  • “Swiss Brat” - a Landshire Bratwurst with a slice of Swiss cheese in the middle and 1oz. of Sautéed Sauerkraut on top
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